CurlyDollTati #162

"You Are Like A Sister To Me: I loved you from the first time I saw you"

Buy This T-Shirt

                                       Friendship and Sister Soul Ties

    Sometimes it’s difficult for me as an adult to find girlfriends. I meet a girl that I think is interesting and cute.  We go out for a few friend outings. As I get to know her then the story unravels about who she is as a person and what she stands for.  I have compiled a list of friendship deal breakers. Creating value in each others lives is an important aspect of a friendship or sister-bond. People often don’t think of having sister soul ties, but this can effect both sisters in their growth.  It is important to remember that relationships are all about trust. Without trust there is a limited friendship. There are a lot of people on this planet and they all need different things. Not everyone is looking for a friend when they meet you. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy of friendship if a connection doesn’t work out. Keep being open to meeting that special friend that you can do life with.  Sometimes they are closer than you think. The internal heart matters more than the external appearance. 


                                              Friendship Deal Breakers
    There are some deal breakers as to whether I want to continue growing my friendships with women.  One big deal breaker is the respect she gives to God and Christians because I am a Christian.  It is a deal breaker if she shows any sign of disrespect. Another deal breaker is cancelling all the time.  When I set plans, I try really hard not to cancel. The only way I cancel is if I have to work, am sick, or have some sort of transportation issue. There are other reasons I might cancel, like changing my mind about the person altogether.  Count on that happening if they are disrespectful towards myself or the people that I associate with. Count on that if they lie or steal. Dishonestly and disloyalty lead to trust issues which create a relationship that is difficult to manage and better off disconnected.


                               Create Value In My Life: Build Friendships
    I usually like to be around women that create some sort of value in my life.  I know that sounds tacky, but its true.  If they are a leech, eventually I get drained from being around them. If they provide emotional support, they stay friends with me.  If I can’t trust them from the beginning or find out that I can’t trust them, it’s over.  I feel like I want to support people for what they are going though. I want to help people. I want to help everyone. I am only human too! I need to be listened to.  It needs to be about me sometimes and what I want to do. I want to choose the destination and the book title.  When I’m in a friendship often times it is difficult to not put the other person first.  I am a giver. There’s no other way that I feel like a loving human. To give is to feel. However, I cannot neglect myself.  Friends can create value by being a listening ear, an encourager, and physically making an effort to be there when it matters.    
                                                           Sister Soul Ties
    It is hard to say no to a sister. I mean, you see them. You love them. You would give the shirt off your back for them.  You create that special bond.  DNA and blood definitely bridges families together. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being linked to another person who is like me? That is a miracle.  I have a real sister. I don’t get to spend much time with her because we’ve always lived far away from each other.  But we connect when we are together. At least I feel that we do. Sometimes you can have a sister that is not related to you though. I’ve had my share of fill-in sisters and I still want to strengthen that bond with my sister-friends.  When you are closely connected to another person you can create a thing called a soul tie.  Being soul tied to another female can be just as helpful or hurtful as being in a romantic relationship. You don’t need romance to be soul tied to another female.  You will know you are soul tied when you are emotionally involved. Don’t let your emotions take over for people who don’t bother to give you the support that you deserve. 


           Trust Your Friend To Build Your Relationship or Disconnect 
    If you’ve taken a risk and given your friend the benefit of the doubt that she won’t infect your life with negativity and she did, it is hard to continue. Oftentimes disloyalty happens when you least expect it.  Before entrusting your friend with your biggest secrets, trust them with small secrets that won’t ruin what you’ve got going on. See if they can be trustworthy with the small stuff and then build with more sharing if they prove themselves loyal.  Often times if we feel the sister bond and connection very early in the relationship we are tempted to entrust them with our whole lives like they are an extension of ourselves. We need to remember that another person is not you and everyone responds differently to situations and knowledge. 


                                                              Forgiveness 
    When does forgiveness matter the most? Forgiveness matters when you have to live with the person or see them on a day to day basis.  Even if they live far away forgiveness matters.  It is not healthy for you to hold on to old, negative feelings.  Even if you forget the person, your unforgiveness will manifest in new relationships by how you respond.  Emotional traumas effect how you respond to new people. Emotional traumas can even be transferred through generations to your children through your DNA. Our ancestors have transferred positive and negative energies to us. If we are aware of that we can make conscious decisions to serve each other through love that is pleasing to God. We must not act in a way that we have been conditioned to think is okay through culture, modern society, and family patterns. We need to be more aware of how deeply our decisions to not let go of old feelings can mentally effect us and the others around us. 


                                                           How to Forgive
    The first step in forgiveness is give it to God. Do not try to take revenge in your own hands. Step two is take a break for yourself. Don’t be around that person consistently. Take the time that you need to heal up. Next step is to show love. If you see that person, greet them with a smile and hold open their door. Buy them a coffee or send them a thank you note. You don’t have to go out of your way to meet up if you are not ready. You can forgive them from a distance by talking about the positive sides about them when they come up in conversation or your thought process. The final step is to pray for them. Ask God for His forgiveness for yourself and ask God to forgive them and reveal to them their mistakes towards you in a loving way for their own growth. Ask God to remove all negative feelings from your consciousness. Next, decide whether their positive traits outweigh their negative ones. If you need to break the ties do so calmly, appropriately, and lovingly. Sometimes relationships are best put on hold until the appropriate time. Sometimes relationships stand the test of time.   


                                  Be the Friend That You Want to Meet
    Don’t just wish you had friends and complain that you don’t have them. Go out of your way to connect with people. It is so easy to let your friends find you, but sometimes you need to find your friends. Sometimes if you are an introvert, you need to force yourself to be extroverted in a situation to make a friend. Sometimes you only get one chance to connect with a person. Sometimes you will get multiple chances. Put your best foot forward and dress your best. Start a friendly conversation with positive reinforcement and an invite for tea. Don’t only talk about the weather and force them to follow you on social media. Show them you care for them as a person.  Ask them about themselves and listen more than you speak. You never know what first impression you can make on a person that will lead to a lifelong friendship. Friendships are a blessing.  Remember to love them.