 Do you ever get people who point out something about your physical appearance and try to make a joke out of it? Well...it's not funny. Maybe people should think about what they say before they say it. If it does not have a real impactful meaning, then people should just keep their mouths shut. If somebody has a physical trait that they cannot change without getting surgery or if their hair is naturally a certain way, people should not point out those things. Let's say somebody has gray hair and they are really young...They can't change the way their hair grows out of their head. They should not be expected to dye their hair. It's not okay to make fun of them. Just because something is different does not mean it is bad. A lot of traits that are unique and rare make people really beautiful. It makes people stand out to be able to share their lifes story. It draws people near them. Don't hate. Appreciate people for who God made them to be. Uniquely Beautiful.
 Topic: Why Should I Care About Chivalry?
To talk about chivalry first we have to define chivalry. Chivalry ties into traditional romantic values on how a man should treat the one that he loves. I went on dictionary.com and looked up the definition after I defined it myself. “Chivalry-the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms. “ I also looked it up on vocabulary.com “Men behaving courteously toward women-holding the door for them, offering them their jackets when it’s cold-is called chivalry. Many women consider chivalry a lost art.” 1.) “the medieval principles governing knighthood ad knightly conduct.” 2.) courtesy towards women Valor -“Honor plus dignity. It’s gallant bravery and strength, especially on the battlefield or in the face of danger.” “strength, moral worth, courage.” Dexterity in Arms-“Mental dexterity means a sharpness of mind, or skill in thinking creatively and understanding and expressing something quickly and easily.” Why do we consider it a lost art? From my viewpoint times have changed tremendously. Women are going overboard giving all of themselves too quickly to men that change their minds. Just check out the song “Fifteen” by Taylor Swift. A man shows just a little interest and since the man is really attractive to the woman and seems like he’s got it all together on the outside she thinks that he is “the one”. I am not saying that physical appearance doesn’t matter. It does. I’m saying that it is important to first see the physical, like it, and then dig deeper to find how he values you and treats other people. The Age of Feminism Women keep saying that “we can do everything ourselves and we can do it better.” Well, there are certain things that men typically have more mastery, skill, and patience for. There are certain things that a woman has more of a skill and patience for naturally and biologically. That doesn’t mean that we can’t do it ourselves or do both. It just may be that they are better and more excited about it. For example, construction work, fixing cars, football, fighting etc. It takes a unique sort of woman to want to do these things and be skilled in it. There is nothing wrong with being skilled in these things as a woman. By all means, do what you love. But when it comes time to wanting to have a husband, you need to show him that you need him. Look on the flip side of the coin. How would it feel to you if the man you loved didn’t need you for anything? Where would your position be in the relationship? How would he value you? How would you establish your worth? Find out how your man or your potential mate feels about feminism and tell him your ideas on it. See if feministic views have a place in your relationship and how you both are expected to be treated. I know you can open your car door yourself, but why should you do it if it’s your mans opportunity to show you that he loves you? Dating to marry is about giving to each other within reason and within safety limits. Don’t allow him to put you in what feels like danger to you for the sake of equality in the relationship. You know your limits. Allow men to be men and there is nothing wrong to feel like a woman sometimes. Why This is Necessary for Nesting, Mating, and Marriage There are two other words that were part of the definition of chivalry. One was courtesy. Courtesy: Excellence of manners or social conduct; polite behavior This should be a no brainer but a man without manners is a loose canon. Manners are instilled in children. If he hasn’t gotten it by now it’s unlikely that you can change him. You can train him for what you like but you cannot change him. True love softens the heart. How many of us can say we are truly in love? Some of us only hope. Love is dead without action. Common courtesy is respectable. Think about the purpose of marriage. It is not only for yourself and your own needs but to show to others an example of what love is. Jesus gave of Himself on the cross for our sins so that later when we have accepted Him we can be married to Him. While we are on the earth we love as an example of Christs love for us. The most valuable, genuine, and unbreakable covenant on the earth is the oath when we say “I do.” The other definition of chivalry was generosity. Generosity: Readiness or liberality in giving If your soon to be husband is not generous what is the point of that? What can he contribute to the relationship? Love is about giving mentally and physically. And when I say physically I’m not talking about your body. There is a place for that in marriage. What about giving with faith that you will receive your blessing later? Giving without the intention to get. That is being a loving person. You can be a loving person yourself and still test your partner to see if he is giving as well. Just because he does not give to you doesn’t mean that he’s not a giving person. The love may not have grown enough. Pace yourself Ladies. Let him unlock your gifts at a slow pace. How Can We Bring It Back It is nobodies fault that chivalry seems like it’s dead. We are accountable to set our pace and our plans from the beginning of a relationship. It’s not our jobs to raise men, because he should have already been taught. If your man is not chivalrous do yourself a favor and love yourself enough to require that of him. Be open enough and brave enough to talk about it. If he loves you he will humble himself and stay for the love of you. He needs to want to make you happy. He needs to want to please you. If he doesn’t love you then he will leave. Why do you need to stay with someone that can’t do a simple task of opening the door for you? If he is afraid of how it looks to other people and he’s trying to “please the boys” he will prioritize “the boys” over you. If he is not doing it because he’s afraid to give into you, you may not be enough Proverbs 31 woman for him. He may still have resistance because he is traumatized by someone from his past that mistreated him. But you are different right? It takes 1 minute more to open up the door for you. All of those minutes add up and you are worth the extra time because you have value. If you are going to treat your man like a King he’d better treat you like a Queen. If you consider yourself to be a Queen, act like one. Do not settle to be treated as anything less. Know your worth and your value. If you treat men badly you are undeserving. Love him and yourself enough to change. If you are a man reading this also note: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love your Enemies “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:43-44  Gossip Girl “Please Don’t Talk About Me to Bring Me Down.” Consider not talking about other people to bring them down. A close friend of mine once said “You can build up a lot of hate in your mind.” In relation to talking about another person continuously. The things that people have done to you might have not even been that bad. Maybe a person is a loving and friendly person towards you. You hear gossip about them and your mind builds the person that you invision them to be. Maybe a person has done something that is terrible towards you. If you dwell on the past you won’t be able to heal. The truth is, people are people. There is a difference between good and bad behaviors, but we all have souls. The world will get farther if we show genuine love towards one another instead of putting other people down by gossip. Past Experiences Shape How People React Imagine yourself in a persons shoes before you talk about them. You were born into this world and the generations before you set up how your life is going to be. Your dna was selected by God. In it comes the highs and lows of your ancestors. There was a study done on human dna. Research discovered that when a person experiences something that is traumatizing, their body goes into fight or flight mode. Your ancestors experiences might have been the reason for your anxiety issues. That information is stored. Your family unit whether the experiences are good or bad molds you. If you are able to know the story of your previous generations, you are able to pinpoint why you respond to feelings in certain ways. Consider that before you gossip about someone. Be grateful to be yourself. Environment Shapes How People React Someone is doing something out of character? They didn’t respond in a way that you expected them to respond? They were not exposed to your exact same experiences. They don’t have your same DNA or social expectations. They don’t have your same family dynamic or friend support system. It takes years of people living in the same environment or different environments for peoples minds to become cloudy. It can even take seconds of learning from an experience to decide that you aren’t going to respond in the same way again. It is hard for people to see past what they are exposed to. Gossip doesn’t help people change thier environments. It just breaks people down in the minds of the people who are around them. Don’t make a mistake because it also breaks down the people around them who are the gossipers. It brings out insecurity from the mouth of the gossiper. God wants you to learn how to control your mouth and use your mouth for His glory. Know Who You Are Through Your Creator There is a strength that comes from knowing who you are. You get to know and value yourself by knowing your Creator. Through your Creator you find your purpose. Everyone has multiple purposes that are connected to each other, but not the same. Instead of talking about someone in a negative light and spreading negativity to dim the light they have, offer them prayer and encouragement. Through your mouth speak light in the lives of people and yourself. Take up an interest in other peoples real and true lives. Take up an interest in people who are different from you too. Show genuine love towards people and they will open up with you. You may realize that you have a lot more in common with people than you thought. In that moment you can offer words of wisdom and offer to pray with them. If you can’t get a person to open up ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in how to pray for a person. In the times where you can’t pray with them directly, extend out your arm in their direction and use your voice to declare peace, love, and victory through Christ Jesus over their lives in a voice that only God can hear. How to Interact With The Person You Feel Prompted to Gossip About Sometimes not getting involved socially can be what you need. Sometimes keeping your conversations limited and surfacy can temporarily be the best thing. Ex; (It’s a nice day outside. I like your outfit. How was your vacation?) Deep topics require serious responses. As much as I would like to say that you can get along and be friends with anyone, sometimes it’s not that simple. You can change your heart and want to be open, but that person could be closed off, not trustworthy, and toxic to you. You are looking out for yourself if you know how to tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance that does not genuinely care about you. Do not tell your personal business to people that don’t genuinely care about you unless you are mentally prepared to handle the criticism. Putting yourself in a vulnerable place might be necessary to build trust in your relationships and friendships, but don’t take it lightly. Keep your topics about business or your schoolwork if you need to interact with someone you are not comfortable with through work or school. If you see potential for growth in the relationship, be prepared to be vulnerable. Just be careful who you trust. Remove Yourself From The Conversation Remember to remove yourself from the conversation if you feel prompted to talk about someone to spread a gossip. If you think it’s okay to test key words to force people to question you, then you are testing the waters. It’s not fair. Write down what you were going to say on a piece of paper and then scribble it off and shred the paper. Throw that gossip in the trash where it belongs. Once you master not talking about others, you must master walking away from gossip. There is a power in walking away from the conversation and even steering it in another direction. Fine tune choosing your questions so that it doesn’t get your conversation listener to talk about other people. If you are prompting other people to talk that makes you just as guilty of gossiping. To steer a conversation in another direction try asking people what they are doing or what they would do on their next vacation and plan it with them. Don’t Make Gossip Your Entertainment Sometimes we feel we need to talk about people to entertain ourselves and our minds. We need to have a wow factor in our day. We want to talk about something exciting and different that prompts us to have a conversation with others. Talking about others could temporarily make us feel better about ourselves and make us forget about our problems. Talking about others could lead to finding commonalities with our peers and forming alliances. We get to know the opinions of others on taboo topics. If we talked about these taboo topics in our own lives we would fear judgement and criticism. Sometimes things are not what they seem. A person could talk about a person kissing their boyfriend behind the school and getting in trouble for it. In reality, they secretly wish they could and they are seeking the approval of their peers or subliminally affirmation for not doing it through condemning others. Seek God for affirmation in the decisions that you should and shouldn’t make. Why should we feel better about ourselves by judging anothers situation? We are not in the same position as them. Why should we form an alliance based off of hate when it will not stop there? That hatred will continue to grow if we don’t sever gossips bondage ties immediately. Make Love A Priority When you make God a priority you learn how to love through Him. God will give you revelation on how to love people in the correct way. Reading your Bible seeking Jesus helps. Sometimes people don’t really know how to be accepting of love. It Is not your fault that they rejected you. It’s the experiences in their lives that molded their perception of what love should look and feel like. You need to recognize this and learn how to reject the spirit of rejection so it doesn’t have the power over your mindset and eventually your life. You find yourself taking on roles that you never wanted to take on. If you love without expectation of love in return, you are being unselfish and not self-serving. Sometimes this is what a person needs to change. If you keep spreading gossip about people, the love that they need to feel won’t get to them. Sometimes it’s like Who Me? Am I really the one? If you don’t see a transformation yet, you are at least meant to plant seeds for change. You may be the one person that steps out on faith and reveals to them what they are needing all along. The Cycle of Gossip Sometimes you as yourself are not a gossiping person at all. You invite a gossiping spirit into your life when you listen to gossip. Since you are listening to gossip you give yourself permission to gossip about the person telling the gossip. That person also grants you the permission to talk about them when they gossip. If you are unaware you can become caught up in a vicious cycle. Now since you are talking about the gossiper, the person you are telling now has the permission they need to talk about you. Be Careful that you don’t take on a persons same vibrations. You can take on their same vibration by stooping to their level and doing the things that they do. Jealousy is Toxic Jealousy is toxic to your health. If the reason you want to gossip about someone is because you secretly want to be them, realize that there is only one you. You can never become another person. You should be the best version of yourself. You yourself can change to like the same things that another person likes. You yourself can take on the attitudes and opinions of others. You can respond differently based on your experiences. You can get a new hairstyle and new clothes. You can get a new career and more money. You as yourself, the person and the soul cannot replace your soul with another persons soul. The only way you can change your soul is by accepting more light inside of it. All things light comes from Jesus. It comes from God. Are you jealous of a persons light or are you jealous of their darkness? The light of a soul has no place with the darkness that could be dormant in a persons soul. Find your light through your Heavenly Father and not another person. A direct contact is better than a filtered connection. Defining Gossip and Seeking Friendship. Gossip isn’t just talking about another person. You can talk about people without it being gossip by saying what you like about them. When it becomes gossip is when you reveal intimate details of their life that have nothing to do with you. Another type of gossip is pointing out their mistakes. People do this because they want their own mistakes to seem more normal and like they are not the only people that make mistakes. Another type of gossip is lying about the person or spreading information that you don’t even know yourself to be true. You are just as at fault of the gossip if you spread false information. You may catch yourself talking about a person who is right in front of you to a friend that you are closer with. You want to ask the person that you feel prompted to talk about a question, but it really is not any of your business. Assess the reason why you have questions. Is it because you want to feel a little more human yourself? Is it because you relate to them? Maybe there is a potential to start a friendship with this person and get on a deeper level. Don’t think that your friendships need to be limited to one friend or one group of people. You aren’t cheating on anyone if you make a new friend. No matter what type of background a person comes from give yourself the approval to get to know different people instead of only talking about them. Have self control over what you speak by giving your issues to God. Create a lot of friendships and light up someones candle through your flame.  References:https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/10486479/Phobias-may-be-memories-passed-down-in-genes-from-ancestors.html
https://www.teenvogue.com/story/slavery-trauma-inherited-genetics https://www.pbs.org/newshour/extra/daily-videos/can-trauma-be-passed-to-next-generation-through-dna/  "You Are Like A Sister To Me: I loved you from the first time I saw you" Friendship and Sister Soul Ties
Sometimes it’s difficult for me as an adult to find girlfriends. I meet a girl that I think is interesting and cute. We go out for a few friend outings. As I get to know her then the story unravels about who she is as a person and what she stands for. I have compiled a list of friendship deal breakers. Creating value in each others lives is an important aspect of a friendship or sister-bond. People often don’t think of having sister soul ties, but this can effect both sisters in their growth. It is important to remember that relationships are all about trust. Without trust there is a limited friendship. There are a lot of people on this planet and they all need different things. Not everyone is looking for a friend when they meet you. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy of friendship if a connection doesn’t work out. Keep being open to meeting that special friend that you can do life with. Sometimes they are closer than you think. The internal heart matters more than the external appearance. Friendship Deal Breakers There are some deal breakers as to whether I want to continue growing my friendships with women. One big deal breaker is the respect she gives to God and Christians because I am a Christian. It is a deal breaker if she shows any sign of disrespect. Another deal breaker is cancelling all the time. When I set plans, I try really hard not to cancel. The only way I cancel is if I have to work, am sick, or have some sort of transportation issue. There are other reasons I might cancel, like changing my mind about the person altogether. Count on that happening if they are disrespectful towards myself or the people that I associate with. Count on that if they lie or steal. Dishonestly and disloyalty lead to trust issues which create a relationship that is difficult to manage and better off disconnected. Create Value In My Life: Build Friendships I usually like to be around women that create some sort of value in my life. I know that sounds tacky, but its true. If they are a leech, eventually I get drained from being around them. If they provide emotional support, they stay friends with me. If I can’t trust them from the beginning or find out that I can’t trust them, it’s over. I feel like I want to support people for what they are going though. I want to help people. I want to help everyone. I am only human too! I need to be listened to. It needs to be about me sometimes and what I want to do. I want to choose the destination and the book title. When I’m in a friendship often times it is difficult to not put the other person first. I am a giver. There’s no other way that I feel like a loving human. To give is to feel. However, I cannot neglect myself. Friends can create value by being a listening ear, an encourager, and physically making an effort to be there when it matters. Sister Soul Ties It is hard to say no to a sister. I mean, you see them. You love them. You would give the shirt off your back for them. You create that special bond. DNA and blood definitely bridges families together. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being linked to another person who is like me? That is a miracle. I have a real sister. I don’t get to spend much time with her because we’ve always lived far away from each other. But we connect when we are together. At least I feel that we do. Sometimes you can have a sister that is not related to you though. I’ve had my share of fill-in sisters and I still want to strengthen that bond with my sister-friends. When you are closely connected to another person you can create a thing called a soul tie. Being soul tied to another female can be just as helpful or hurtful as being in a romantic relationship. You don’t need romance to be soul tied to another female. You will know you are soul tied when you are emotionally involved. Don’t let your emotions take over for people who don’t bother to give you the support that you deserve. Trust Your Friend To Build Your Relationship or Disconnect If you’ve taken a risk and given your friend the benefit of the doubt that she won’t infect your life with negativity and she did, it is hard to continue. Oftentimes disloyalty happens when you least expect it. Before entrusting your friend with your biggest secrets, trust them with small secrets that won’t ruin what you’ve got going on. See if they can be trustworthy with the small stuff and then build with more sharing if they prove themselves loyal. Often times if we feel the sister bond and connection very early in the relationship we are tempted to entrust them with our whole lives like they are an extension of ourselves. We need to remember that another person is not you and everyone responds differently to situations and knowledge. Forgiveness When does forgiveness matter the most? Forgiveness matters when you have to live with the person or see them on a day to day basis. Even if they live far away forgiveness matters. It is not healthy for you to hold on to old, negative feelings. Even if you forget the person, your unforgiveness will manifest in new relationships by how you respond. Emotional traumas effect how you respond to new people. Emotional traumas can even be transferred through generations to your children through your DNA. Our ancestors have transferred positive and negative energies to us. If we are aware of that we can make conscious decisions to serve each other through love that is pleasing to God. We must not act in a way that we have been conditioned to think is okay through culture, modern society, and family patterns. We need to be more aware of how deeply our decisions to not let go of old feelings can mentally effect us and the others around us. How to Forgive The first step in forgiveness is give it to God. Do not try to take revenge in your own hands. Step two is take a break for yourself. Don’t be around that person consistently. Take the time that you need to heal up. Next step is to show love. If you see that person, greet them with a smile and hold open their door. Buy them a coffee or send them a thank you note. You don’t have to go out of your way to meet up if you are not ready. You can forgive them from a distance by talking about the positive sides about them when they come up in conversation or your thought process. The final step is to pray for them. Ask God for His forgiveness for yourself and ask God to forgive them and reveal to them their mistakes towards you in a loving way for their own growth. Ask God to remove all negative feelings from your consciousness. Next, decide whether their positive traits outweigh their negative ones. If you need to break the ties do so calmly, appropriately, and lovingly. Sometimes relationships are best put on hold until the appropriate time. Sometimes relationships stand the test of time. Be the Friend That You Want to Meet Don’t just wish you had friends and complain that you don’t have them. Go out of your way to connect with people. It is so easy to let your friends find you, but sometimes you need to find your friends. Sometimes if you are an introvert, you need to force yourself to be extroverted in a situation to make a friend. Sometimes you only get one chance to connect with a person. Sometimes you will get multiple chances. Put your best foot forward and dress your best. Start a friendly conversation with positive reinforcement and an invite for tea. Don’t only talk about the weather and force them to follow you on social media. Show them you care for them as a person. Ask them about themselves and listen more than you speak. You never know what first impression you can make on a person that will lead to a lifelong friendship. Friendships are a blessing. Remember to love them.  You Deserve More
Your value is greater than silver, gold, or platinum. Your value is greater than a 1 billion dollar mansion. A lot of kids have dreams growing up. They think that they will be in a career by a certain time as an adult. They get to adulthood and their situation may change. Sometimes people realize their dreams are harder to reach than they once seemed. They realize this when they graduate high school or when they graduate college with student loans. They might even realize that happiness from their chosen career is harder to come by after they have already settled in. There is always a constant pursuit of happiness. Sometimes people get to where they want to be and they realize that they want more or that they are bored of what they are doing. Sometimes a dream is not God’s plan and God’s purpose for you. Maybe you are supposed to be somewhere at a specific point in time. At a specific date you may be the one to tell somebody something that will be life-altering for them. It’s not just you in the world even if you feel alone. There are a lot of other factors involved. There are a lot of other people involved in your life whether you know it or not. You are an influence on people whether you know them or not. You could feel like you are only an innocent bystander and a Superwoman looked at you before she save the day. You saved our day. Don’t settle in a job that you are not happy and fulfilled in. Push yourself to your limit. When God says go you go. Hunger ain’t nuting but a ting. Travel ain’t nothing but your pinky ring. Sweat is a minor detour. Tangles make you explore. If there are no friends in your life get it together girl. Be a friend to somebody and don’t be shy about it. Do not be ashamed. Try saying “I deserve more. I deserve my freedom and I deserve to live in my purpose. I deserve to be happy.” The only way you truly deserve these things is if you treat people right with respect and regard. For your conscience to be clear you need to give your sins to the Lord completely and wholeheartedly. Know that you are forgiven and loved. You are indeed blessed. When you come into your blessing people will look at you and they’ll ask themselves “How did she get to deserve that and how is it possible that she was able to find true happiness?” They will look for your smile and not your material possessions if they are wise. Only the individual person whether they are a celebrity or not knows if they are truly happy. You deserve more. Create a vision board. Paste pictures that you like and inspirational sayings that make you dream. If you see it every day eventually it will become your reality if you are open to receiving from God. The dreams that you are forming make you push forward. The happiness you picture to have in your life is attainable. Don't get it twisted. Joy comes from the Lord.  Purpose Over Marriage If “The One” does not find you. So What? He cannot fulfill your lifes purpose for you. Marry when it’s right or remain in bondage. Society tells little girls that when they get out of college they will attract their true love and get married. This cookie cutter picture of happiness is not always the case for everyone. With the pressure of time and societal norms women and men feel pressured to find love within a certain time period. Then they choose people that are not truly right for them. They go against their gut feelings and end up in divorce because their “true love” was not loyal or they were not loyal to the vision God has placed within them. They take things too fast and would do anything to feel loved by another. They resort with trying to change their boyfriends and girlfriends. It is good to be a positive influence and better your spouse. It is not good to pressure them into doing tasks that they don’t want to do. If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like baking pies and maybe you love to bake pies, bake your own pies. If your loved one continuously complains about baking pies after trying it with you eventually it just won’t work out if baking pies is your passion. If you always try to force people to change for you, you both get exhausted. You need to have a lot in common with your spouse so that you will have maximum happiness in your relationship. You don’t want your spouse to associate you with that task they hate doing. It’s okay to like different stuff, but you need to meet in the middle and have common grounds. Loving someone is about compromising to make them happy, but don’t compromise your character and your own happiness. Don’t compromise the healthy things you love to do. Find a spouse who you can stay happy with. Often times what makes you happy is related to your lifes purpose. This scenario is not an all the time thing, but what people are good at they often end up doing repetitively and consistently their whole life. If your boyfriend or girlfriend cannot handle your passion and all that comes with it you may be in trouble. They need to adapt to your needs and you need to adapt to theirs. Relationships are about growing with that special person. If you are with someone who does not support your goals and ambitions you should ask yourself why? They should not get in the way of you using your talents and gifts for the good of the world. If you feel the need to step into your destiny your loved one needs to be down for you and down for the cause. God will remove that person from your life if you are not leading the life He has called you to live. God has put special gifts and talents within you that only you have access to claim. But does your spouse see the vision like you can? Maybe your spouse doesn’t see the vision as much as you do, but supports you in every way. That is the kind of character trait you need to look for in a future spouse. You don’t need to be in a relationship someone that you are afraid to communicate with. Ask for true love and have no problem showing it. Work out your trust issues before you get into a relationship and trust the person you are with. If either one of you are broken people your heart will have a crack in it. Ask God to lead your life. If women and men had looked to God first before choosing their mates, they would be better off. If they had asked God to show them both a true sign before getting together, their marriage would be the most blessed. If God is the leader of your life in everything else, why can’t He lead your life in what fiancé you are supposed to have? You should not fear the future in a way that makes you choose wrong. Why are you confused when the answer is as clear as day? Love is bigger than marriage. God is calling you to love every human you come in contact with and it’s not to have people all to yourself. Your soulmate is 1 in a billion and you keep stressing about one who is not right for you. You want to have children someday and you would make a great mother but you are 30 years old or whatever age that gives you stress about not having children by then. You know that marriage is the road to children. You are so stressed out about when God is going to send you “Mr. Right” that you start to see and convince yourself that “Mr. Wrong” is “Mr. Right”. You become desperate for a man. You think a marriage and a family will cure your anxiety and depression. You need to see children for what they are. They are underdeveloped people. They are precious, fragile people with purpose just as you. Yes, God gives you the ability to have children and children are a gift from God. They are souls just as you that come here by your womb, but they are not you. You don’t have Gods permission to have a child outside of a marriage. Have one outside the security of a marriage and delay your destiny. Having children the fast way and having sex without marriage is delaying your destiny. Men, women, and children lose their honor every day because sex is a sacred gift from God that should be used in a marriage. Having sex doesn’t make you a man and having children doesn’t make you a woman. God put our souls here for so many different reasons. You ought to enjoy life more as a single person and pray for your future spouse. Pray for blessings in your current family. Pray for the people around you. Be grateful for the gifts of life that God has given you whether that be your breath or your childs heartbeat. Break the cycle. Have you ever heard of breaking the cycle of poverty? Have you ever heard of breaking the cycle of children without fathers or mothers? Have you ever heard of breaking the cycle of abusive behaviors in relationships? Breaking the cycle of depression? Breaking that cycle starts with you and the behaviors you are going to have. It starts with asking the Holy Spirit to come into your life. It starts with listening to that inner voice that tells you what you need to do. It does not start with going against the Holy Spirit for your fleshly desires and carnal minds. Let the Holy Spirit speak to you to instill peace, security, and love in your mind so you can give it to others. You should not listen to fear when fear tells you that you will never be married. Fear tells you that you are never going to have children or a man who loves you for you. Every void and every sense of failure that you feel, you need to give it to God. Have faith in the Lord. Your needs will be met. Every sense of not being good enough and every sense of obsession over feeling in love should be broken. Focus on positivity and being around people who you can put before yourself through true love. Make your heart available to receive genuine love. Place yourself in settings that make you feel peaceful around humans. Be around like-minded individuals who are eager to grow. You may be surprised by how God blesses you. He works in mysterious ways.  He Cannot Lead You If He Does Not Love You: Change The Game
You are asking for the wrong man to lead you Sis. Does this resonate with you? Does he come to mind? If so keep reading. You choose to love him because he has everything in common with you. Everyone says you would be cute together with him or you are cute together. He shows you attention sometimes. He talks to you. He follows you. He seeks thrill, he wants your affection. He speaks harshly to you. He offers you conditional love. He alienates you. He moves your heart. He always wants an ego boost from you. You hold back affection. He keeps coming for you. He seeks out attention from other women that are nowhere near your level. Sis, Don’t give him the attention he doesn’t deserve. He does not earn your love. Act normal. Be calm and in control. You don’t need him being in control of your life. Don’t text him. Don’t try to be friends with him. Don’t let him into your heart. Your only exception should be when he begs for your affection under your terms and conditions. Otherwise, he’s just playing mind games with you and doesn’t want to give you any real love. Don’t you want to have a serious relationship and a real mature love exchange? If you keep letting him play games with you from the beginning of your relationships that is all it will ever be. A game. You think that other girls are making it harder to find good guys because they are lowering their standards and giving him the goods before he buys the cow. But now you are slowly becoming one of them, like a cow to the slaughterhouse. Soon you will be nothing but a hamburger crushed by your crush…And unable to escape the pains of excretion as he uses you for your nutrients and then releases you suddenly and quickly. Be the change that you want to see in the world and God will bless your future in relationships. If you want a real love exchange stay true to yourself and don’t give in to breaking your morals. The cards are in your hands. You have the power and you are stronger than you think. Don’t put yourself in situations that will tempt you. If women and girls all around the world were led by Gods will when they started a relationship with anyone, there would be less heartbreak. Men would step up to the plate of what they are supposed to be doing because now the game would be changed. They would respect and value us more if we set expectations and requirements. Communicate what you need from him. There would be more commitment, standards, and respect in relationships. It is hurt people that hurt people. When you are hurt by someone it is up to you to let it fester up inside you and take your revenge out on another innocent love, or to let it go. You need to let your hurt go Sis. You are only hurting yourself in the process if you keep dwelling on negative vibes. You think you’re his soulmate, but he does not feel the same. I know it is difficult, but if you pay attention to the obvious warning signs as soon as possible it will save you eons of heartache and course correction. A man who does not love you cannot lead you.  Stop Stalking Your Love
Everytime you see them your heart skips a beat. You breathe heavily. Your eyes cannot stop staring at them. When they are around you can sense it with your whole body. You can single out their voice from the crowd behind you. You subcontiously submit to them in every interaction or forcibly do the opposite of how you feel. You look up to them and their actions become your greatest desires. Your heart yearns to be one flesh with them. You have visions of marriage, visions of children, and visions of being together with them. You mirror them whether you like it or not because their spirit becomes your mini god. This is called lust and it is not love at all. When you begin to see yourself with someone and want to be with them in a marriage or romantic relationship put a harness on your feelings. Being Used and Not Chosen It can be very dangerous to have these feelings when a man has not chosen you. You cannot choose a man when he has not chosen you. He may be just messing around with your emotions to accomplish a goal. His goal is not always getting physical with you. It could be feeling popular or using you as a back up plan. There are men in the world that make it a game to have as many female interests and choices as possible. Women are not sneakers, gadgets, or ice cream flavors and you should not allow yourself to be that for any man. If you find yourself following him and stalking him on social media, distract yourself with positive activities and interactions. Find some Curl Friends to hang out with. Remove youself from his view. Find the bigger picture. I’ve Chosen To Love Him So Why Doesn’t He Love Me? Sometimes when you decide in your mind that you love someone it is very hard to stop trying to love them. It means you want to be around that person all the time. If the person is a stranger to you it can be difficult for them to interact with you if they don’t have the same intense feelings about you. It doesn’t mean that they can never love you. It just means that they are not in the position right now to love you. Why? There are several reasons. They could be distracted with another person of interest that they can’t get out of their mind. Just like you, before you came along there was a list of girls or boys that your crush wanted to love. That could mean years of potential investment and you are just meeting them now. It makes them blind to you. You could very well be in the the periferal of their mind as a back up plan in case things don’t work out with the main apple of their eye. They may have a broken heart they are trying to restore. There may be emotional and spiritual healing that they need to deal with before they invite you into their world. There are all sorts of layers of emotions that are felt during a relationship and after one that may just take time to diminish and eventually dissapear. This does not happen over night. Your crush that just came out of a relationship may use you as a rebound or a fill in until their love comes back to them. Be careful how much interest you show to them. Do not interrupt their growth. He could be content with being single. Most people come in the world alone and leave alone. Their days are spent going their own way by themselves. It can be very difficult to give up the freedom of being single and only having to be concered about yourself. If you make it known that you want a relationship, marriage, and children a man might not be ready to talk about that stuff immediatley. You may be feeling like you need to lay it all out there in the begginging to not waste time and you should. Advancing the conversation means that you care about your own needs and don’t want to waste anyones time. Beware of the single guy who has a different person in their bed or social media profile with heart emojies every week. He’s not in the position right now to love you. Love is not all physical. Love Game The more that you call him, text him, stalk him, the less interest he has in you because he knows you will always be there. How do you attract someone who you love? There is no magic trick I can give you to suddenly make love happen for you. All I can say is be in close proximity to your love to qualify you as a candidate for the Big Match Making Game. Do your own thing. There is nothing more attractive than a lady that has a lot of talent, interests, and goals. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Love youself first and he will come. If you are waiting for the day when he’s going to wake up and say “Oh wow she’s the most beautiful girl, I wanna try to advance the relationship with her now.” You may be waiting 10 years. I always think of that song Never Ever by Ciara “If that boy don’t love you by now, he will never ever, never ever love you” https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ciara/neverever.html If you’ve let him know how you feel and he does not feel the same, take his word for it and make an effort to move on. “When people show you who they are, believe them”-Maya Angelou.https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/14/oprah-life-lesson-maya-angelou_n_2869235.html There is nothing that can make a man love you or choose you. He must do that on his own. If you think you can manipulate the situation you are playing yourself for a fool. Late Night Text Messages If you are anything like a human you crave affection late at night through the early morning and all through the day. If you don’t fill your time with things you are interested in besides your love interests, you may be walking on a tightrope without a safety net. You think you have it all under control and then something tramatic happens all because you were texting an insecure person. Know that you are beautiful without having a man tell you. Your amount of potential dates or people who make themselves known to be interested in you romantically does not define your attractiveness. It does not define how smart or how good of a friend you are. It does not define how popular you are in outerspace to Heaven. If you wouldn’t be with a guy late into the night then you have no business texting him flirtatious ineuendo late at night. Just do you and don’t worry about no potential Boo. Remember if he can’t respect your beauty rest now then he won’t respect your beauty rest later when you’ve got kids and he’s at home all day pushing his career as a content creator. Serious conversations are better saved for morning or afternoon. Do not let him have the power to claim your soul because of a simple fleshly desire. Infatuation Critisized When you are a woman or man of a certain age, you look back at your life and you realize that you have had many a love whome you have given your heart to whether they know it or not. Pieces of your heart are with them in a spiritual sense because their lack of affection for you took a tole on and shaped the current state of your heart. Because of the lack of love from these men your heart has chosen, you may develop trust issues. There are a few men that stand out from the crowd because of how it impacts you emotionally. What is meant to be will be. You cannot force a relationship or a friendship. Sometimes when you have decided to love someone as more than just a friend it can put a tole on even becoming friends because your energy is too strong. You would do anything for them, but they do not want you in their life. Friendship does not happen over night and neither does love. Temporary love is infatuation. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotton Son, that whosoever beliveth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16. This is a true representation of love. Our task in loving one another is to love more like this example. We cannot love exactly like God and how much God loves us, but we may simply try to put others needs first before ourselves. If that means waiting on the man of your dreams to be emotionally and mentally ready to love you back, so be it. If that means giving him up to another woman because he has chosen her, so be it. Be satisifed, feel complete, and be content with yourself because you have truly loved him by giving him your whole heart. You don’t need to follow him any longer. You need to let him go. Disclaimer: (This has nothing to do with ignoring anyone and it has nothing to do with any person. Just some Women to Women advice.)  Fresh and Fast Fine Meats. Don't sell out. Textris |
Author & IllustratorHi, I'm CurlyDollTati! Nice for you to join me. I am an illustrator from Southern California. My love for illustration was encouraged by many throughout my life. I was especially encouraged by my single mother who's nickname is Dolly. Growing up I had a love for fashion illustration. CurlyDollTati is a representation of me...Tatiana..and the vision that I have to create a world of diversity in art. Here all races of women can come together to celebrate what makes us unique. We can uplift each other. I can share my art, my experiences, and your story too. Email me at [email protected] Archives
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