It's 2023 CurlFriends! Time has gone by so fast. We've been through so much together. I want to thank God for bringing me to this point. When I say that we've been through so much together, I really mean me and God. I really mean, the people closest to me. This is probably one of the first times that you've read a CurlyDollTati blog post. Building a brand has not been easy. Sometimes I'm literally not building it. I have my reasons. I don't always have the time or mental focus to work on my passions. I've got a job that drains me that pays for my housing. My job makes me tired and jittery on my time off. It's really overstimulating. Things don't always work out the way that I plan. I'm sure God has His reasons too. I challenge myself to not give up on me. It's been so long since I've wanted to turn my website into income.  I want you to know that what you see here is all handmade by me and there is no money backing me up. I work full time as a cashier team trainer at a grocery store. It's taken me years to get to this point of 186 digital drawings published on my website. Part of me is ashamed that it's taken me this long to try to get to where I want to be. I must admit, I am still not where I want to be. I feel like my career has run stagnant and dry. The other part of me is very proud of what I have accomplished so far. I started at the bottom. I mean, I had nothing. I come from a single parent household and barely any support. The progress that I can see is not tangible in the eyes of a general audience. My progress is tangible in my own eyes and my own perception. I am proud of myself. I am proud of my hard work. Even though I must forgive myself for not accomplishing my goals and dreams yet, I've tried. That's what matters.  I've not tried hard enough for other people, but I have tried hard enough for me. This year while everyone is making their New Years resolution collage I am taking time to thank God. I will not be creating a New Years Resolution collage this week. Maybe I will change my mind later. I have an old one from 2019 that I'm still working on. I have it hung up in my living room that I turned into a bedroom.  There are a lot of things that I want to happen this year. I've wanted them to happen last year and the year before that. It's tiring honestly. It's tiring to expect certain things to happen and they don't happen because of money and time. I no longer want to push myself to that standard. I just want to follow my peace, be the best person that I can, and get all I can that is right and good out of life. I am Enough.  

                                      Go and Create A Life For Yourself 
     I am going out in that freezing cold rain and I am going to create a life for myself. Don’t Let The Rain Make You Stay Inside.  This is your time to regroup. This is your time to take advantage of your time.  If you feel stuck, find another way. Find another outlet.  If you are going through getting stranded somewhere away from home don’t feel alone. There are many women who have gone through this before you. If you don’t have an example, I am one of them. 


                                                       Stranded in the Country
     I remember when I didn’t have a car and I was staying in a room at my aunts house in the country. I was not used to living in the country where everything was so far away.  It seemed like it would take an hour just to walk to the grocery store. Twenty minutes to drive. I didn’t have a date of when my life would change.  I didn’t have money that I could depend on coming in. I didn’t have a job or much experience working.  I applied myself.  My aunt had a bucket of pink paint that she never got to paint on the walls since Grandma went to Heaven.  Grandma was supposed to stay in that tiny bedroom with the flower wallpaper.  I asked my aunt if I could finish painting the walls and she said yes.  It took me a few days and suddenly I had motivation.  The color therapy was good for my brain. It was bright and cheery. I took that saying from Nike, “Just Do It” and I wrote it on a large piece of paper. I looked at it everyday to have a reason to push through the feeling of being stranded and the loss of direction.  Suddenly everything that I wanted to do felt like it was possible if I just continued to work towards it.  Before this I had created my website culydolltati.com and I continued to post drawings.  I didn’t have internet at the time so my aunt drove me to the library and I posted on my blog there.  I did have a scanner and a cellphone.  On my old laptop from high school I didn’t have a professional version of Photoshop, but I had Photoshop Elements which was all I needed to get started.  I always thought to myself all I need are the bare necessities for my equipment.  I found beauty in the people around me and took my inspiration off of my experiences and country life.  When you’re out there stranded in the peace and beauty of nature, you really get a chance to clear your mind. I knew that the goals and aspirations that I have were no match for country life so I had to move.  I just didn’t know how I was going to get a job with limited access to transportation.   

                                                     Creativity Directed

     It would rain all the time where I was living.  The weather made me feel even more stranded but I enjoyed my times of peace.  I could hear crickets, frogs, and birds chirping. I could see fireflies, rainbows, and bunnies hopping. I could observe bees and spiders working.  I could see the tomatoes my aunt planted sprouting.  These things were all moving forward and I had to as well. It was inevitable. I couldn’t stay there for long.  It may have been slow country life, but things would soon develop and if I had stayed where I was at who knows how south things would have gone.  There’s nothing like a hard and direct answer from God. Do I do this or do I do that?  This website has been a form of self expression for me and has given me a clear goal for my life of what tangible steps I can take. For that, I am grateful that God gave me this idea and these talents.  For people who have little, I highly recommend that they start a business or create something with what they have.  With the technology we have today it can be even easier for people to market themselves and their businesses. Don’t have an idea? Start with your own talents or skills.  If college seems like it’s a tangible goal, then by all means go to college! Go to college especially if you and your family can afford it.  If you can’t afford it, the hourly workforce isn’t the only place you should be spending your time if you aspire for more.  

                                           God Sets Me Up For Answers

     My old laptop crashed.  I could no longer edit drawings and post them on my own.  It was much more difficult to get art to perfection and to become digitally ready with my usual short time frame. It was very upsetting, but I knew it was not the end of my business. God made it clear that I would just need to get a job to afford to buy another laptop.  I needed to be able to afford food and clothing.  I had another aunt that lived an hour away that I would soon stay with. If I had not asked I would have not received. I found work within a couple months and was able to get rides with her. I also got rides from coworkers. I am grateful for that help that I received during that time.  Previously I had applied for so many jobs in the former state that I was living and even had a couple interviews. I didn’t have any successful call backs.  I thought that I would never find a job and that I was unhirable.  During my waiting period I decided I was going to volunteer at church. I served food at a church wedding. I was a model at a hair show that my aunt was involved in.  From that, I built my resume.  My cousin gave me a pants suit that my aunt made fit on me. It was still too big for me, but I used that to go on my interview.  I thought of applying for a job at a grocery store because my former high school boyfriend worked at a grocery store and so did my crush. It would be a perfect first job.  I walked into what would become my first job and realized that there was an equal ratio of Brown skinned to Caucasian people working there.  Since I was a brown woman, I had a higher chance of getting hired. If at least one of the people that had the power of hiring me could see my need for a job and willingness to work for it, my mission would be accomplished.  With little job experience you need to find people who are willing to have faith in you.  I also saw a Distraction, a Best friend, and Laughter among other things on day one.  The people I met there I would call my coworkers, my friends, and people that God sent to help along the way.  God had a bigger plan for my life that He would reveal to me six months later. I could not take anyone with me although I would fantasize about the people I loved coming with me. Anyone who would survive the impact from my next move would remain within my cellphone monitor and only would be admitted to appear every now and then.  
                                                    Me Walking By Faith
     God prepared my life and set it up so that I could find my first job and move from the country to California after working there six months. With my mother we looked for a place to transfer my job.  With our faith in God, we looked forward to the future.  Our place to lay our heads and call our home, came in due time.  My strandedness and uncertainty changed.  I went from being motivated by the pink walls and the Just Do It logo to sadness because of my computer crashing.  I then gained my reason to push through.  I found success. With Gods help I am able to live.  God gave me life and now I am able to create a life by making my contribution to the world.




I am going out in that freezing cold rain and I am going to create a life for myself. No matter what the weather is, I can find a space in the midst of the storm where I can grow. I can find my air bubble. It may take time and nurturing.  When you have a feeling that you are not supposed to be where you are at there is nothing that can stop you from growing when you keep resting your eyes on your goal and walking in the direction God has planned for your life.