CurlyDollTati #165

                                                              Gossip Girl

                      “Please Don’t Talk About Me to Bring Me Down.” 

    Consider not talking about other people to bring them down. A close friend of mine once said “You can build up a lot of hate in your mind.” In relation to talking about another person continuously. The things that people have done to you might have not even been that bad. Maybe a person is a loving and friendly person towards you. You hear gossip about them and your mind builds the person that you invision them to be. Maybe a person has done something that is terrible towards you. If you dwell on the past you won’t be able to heal.  The truth is, people are people. There is a difference between good and bad behaviors, but we all have souls.  The world will get farther if we show genuine love towards one another instead of putting other people down by gossip.  


                             Past Experiences Shape How People React

    Imagine yourself in a persons shoes before you talk about them. You were born into this world and the generations before you set up how your life is going to be. Your dna was selected by God. In it comes the highs and lows of your ancestors.  There was a study done on human dna. Research discovered that when a person experiences something that is traumatizing, their body goes into fight or flight mode. Your ancestors experiences might have been the reason for your anxiety issues. That information is stored.  Your family unit whether the experiences are good or bad molds you.  If you are able to know the story of your previous generations, you are able to pinpoint why you respond to feelings in certain ways.  Consider that before you gossip about someone. Be grateful to be yourself.  

                               Environment Shapes How People React

    Someone is doing something out of character? They didn’t respond in a way that you expected them to respond? They were not exposed to your exact same experiences. They don’t have your same DNA or social expectations. They don’t have your same family dynamic or friend support system. It takes years of people living in the same environment or different environments for peoples minds to become cloudy.  It can even take seconds of learning from an experience to decide that you aren’t going to respond in the same way again.  It is hard for people to see past what they are exposed to.  Gossip doesn’t help people change thier environments.  It just breaks people down in the minds of the people who are around them. Don’t make a mistake because it also breaks down the people around them who are the gossipers. It brings out insecurity from the mouth of the gossiper. God wants you to learn how to control your mouth and use your mouth for His glory.     
                           
                              Know Who You Are Through Your Creator

    There is a strength that comes from knowing who you are. You get to know and value yourself by knowing your Creator. Through your Creator you find your purpose. Everyone has multiple purposes that are connected to each other, but not the same. Instead of talking about someone in a negative light and spreading negativity to dim the light they have, offer them prayer and encouragement.  Through your mouth speak light in the lives of people and yourself. Take up an interest in other peoples real and true lives. Take up an interest in people who are different from you too. Show genuine love towards people and they will open up with you. You may realize that you have a lot more in common with people than you thought.  In that moment you can offer words of wisdom and offer to pray with them. If you can’t get a person to open up ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in how to pray for a person. In the times where you can’t pray with them directly, extend out your arm in their direction and use your voice to declare peace, love, and victory through Christ Jesus over their lives in a voice that only God can hear.   


      How to Interact With The Person You Feel Prompted to Gossip About

    Sometimes not getting involved socially can be what you need. Sometimes keeping your conversations limited and surfacy can temporarily be the best thing. Ex; (It’s a nice day outside. I like your outfit. How was your vacation?) Deep topics require serious responses.  As much as I would like to say that you can get along and be friends with anyone, sometimes it’s not that simple. You can change your heart and want to be open, but that person could be closed off, not trustworthy, and toxic to you.  You are looking out for yourself if you know how to tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance that does not genuinely care about you. Do not tell your personal business to people that don’t genuinely care about you unless you are mentally prepared to handle the criticism. Putting yourself in a vulnerable place might be necessary to build trust in your relationships and friendships, but don’t take it lightly. Keep your topics about business or your schoolwork if you need to interact with someone you are not comfortable with through work or school. If you see potential for growth in the relationship, be prepared to be vulnerable. Just be careful who you trust.  


                               Remove Yourself From The Conversation

    Remember to remove yourself from the conversation if you feel prompted to talk about someone to spread a gossip. If you think it’s okay to test key words to force people to question you, then you are testing the waters. It’s not fair. Write down what you were going to say on a piece of paper and then scribble it off and shred the paper. Throw that gossip in the trash where it belongs.  Once you master not talking about others, you must master walking away from gossip. There is a power in walking away from the conversation and even steering it in another direction. Fine tune choosing your questions so that it doesn’t get your conversation listener to talk about other people.  If you are prompting other people to talk that makes you just as guilty of gossiping. To steer a conversation in another direction try asking people what they are doing or what they would do on their next vacation and plan it with them.  

                                         Don’t Make Gossip Your Entertainment

    Sometimes we feel we need to talk about people to entertain ourselves and our minds. We need to have a wow factor in our day. We want to talk about something exciting and different that prompts us to have a conversation with others. Talking about others could temporarily make us feel better about ourselves and make us forget about our problems. Talking about others could lead to finding commonalities with our peers and forming alliances. We get to know the opinions of others on taboo topics. If we talked about these taboo topics in our own lives we would fear judgement and criticism. Sometimes things are not what they seem. A person could talk about a person kissing their boyfriend behind the school and getting in trouble for it. In reality, they secretly wish they could and they are seeking the approval of their peers or subliminally affirmation for not doing it through condemning others.  Seek God for affirmation in the decisions that you should and shouldn’t make.  Why should we feel better about ourselves by judging anothers situation? We are not in the same position as them. Why should we form an alliance based off of hate when it will not stop there? That hatred will continue to grow if we don’t sever gossips bondage ties immediately.   
                                                     
                                                   Make Love A Priority 

    When you make God a priority you learn how to love through Him. God will give you revelation on how to love people in the correct way. Reading your Bible seeking Jesus helps. Sometimes people don’t really know how to be accepting of love. It Is not your fault that they rejected you. It’s the experiences in their lives that molded their perception of what love should look and feel like. You need to recognize this and learn how to reject the spirit of rejection so it doesn’t have the power over your mindset and eventually your life. You find yourself taking on roles that you never wanted to take on. If you love without expectation of love in return, you are being unselfish and not self-serving. Sometimes this is what a person needs to change.  If you keep spreading gossip about people, the love that they need to feel won’t get to them. Sometimes it’s like Who Me? Am I really the one? If you don’t see a transformation yet, you are at least meant to plant seeds for change. You may be the one person that steps out on faith and reveals to them what they are needing all along.  
                                                       
                                                         The Cycle of Gossip

    Sometimes you as yourself are not a gossiping person at all.  You invite a gossiping spirit into your life when you listen to gossip.  Since you are listening to gossip you give yourself permission to gossip about the person telling the gossip. That person also grants you the permission to talk about them when they gossip. If you are unaware you can become caught up in a vicious cycle.  Now since you are talking about the gossiper, the person you are telling now has the permission they need to talk about you.   Be Careful that you don’t take on a persons same vibrations.  You can take on their same vibration by stooping to their level and doing the things that they do. 
                                                            Jealousy is Toxic

    Jealousy is toxic to your health. If the reason you want to gossip about someone is because you secretly want to be them, realize that there is only one you. You can never become another person. You should be the best version of yourself. You yourself can change to like the same things that another person likes. You yourself can take on the attitudes and opinions of others. You can respond differently based on your experiences. You can get a new hairstyle and new clothes. You can get a new career and more money. You as yourself, the person and the soul cannot replace your soul with another persons soul. The only way you can change your soul is by accepting more light inside of it. All things light comes from Jesus. It comes from God. Are you jealous of a persons light or are you jealous of their darkness? The light of a soul has no place with the darkness that could be dormant in a persons soul. Find your light through your Heavenly Father and not another person.  A direct contact is better than a filtered connection. 


                                Defining Gossip and Seeking Friendship.

    Gossip isn’t just talking about another person. You can talk about people without it being gossip by saying what you like about them. When it becomes gossip is when you reveal intimate details of their life that have nothing to do with you. Another type of gossip is pointing out their mistakes. People do this because they want their own mistakes to seem more normal and like they are not the only people that make mistakes. Another type of gossip is lying about the person or spreading information that you don’t even know yourself to be true. You are just as at fault of the gossip if you spread false information. You may catch yourself talking about a person who is right in front of you to a friend that you are closer with. You want to ask the person that you feel prompted to talk about a question, but it really is not any of your business. Assess the reason why you have questions. Is it because you want to feel a little more human yourself? Is it because you relate to them? Maybe there is a potential to start a friendship with this person and get on a deeper level. Don’t think that your friendships need to be limited to one friend or one group of people. You aren’t cheating on anyone if you make a new friend. No matter what type of background a person comes from give yourself the approval to get to know different people instead of only talking about them.  Have self control over what you speak by giving your issues to God. Create a lot of friendships and light up someones candle through your flame. 

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References:https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/10486479/Phobias-may-be-memories-passed-down-in-genes-from-ancestors.html
https://www.teenvogue.com/story/slavery-trauma-inherited-genetics
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/extra/daily-videos/can-trauma-be-passed-to-next-generation-through-dna/