God accepts me as I am. In this world there is so much hatred towards women. Not only is there hatred towards women, but there is so much hatred towards women of color. There is indifference and a lack of concern for us in the atmosphere. It sucks and it's hard to cope sometimes. It is especially hard to cope when your own people who look like you are not concerned about you. There is a misconception that Black and Brown women "don't need no man." There is a misconception that Black and Brown women can handle the load. We are strong because we have had to be to survive. We've pushed through. We are still fragile and need love just as much as other races. When we are constantly abused and mistreated it takes a toll on our state of minds. It causes a chain reaction and it causes mistrust. We build our walls and close our doors. Although the perception of Black and Brown women may never be able to change in our lifetime we can still control how we view ourselves and the people who we let into our lives. We must remember that God accepts us as we are so we can heal. We must love ourselves and affirm ourselves a little more than the next woman who gets affirmed every time she walks outside. This may not be your reality but it's the reality of many. I ask that you are respectful to peoples perspectives. Protect the women around you of all races. Go the extra mile to protect the integrity of the Black and Brown women around you. We need kind and understanding people around us even when we are under the influence of our pain. Remember that God accepts you as you are...whoever you are. 

 20% of profits for this design will go to these great causes. 10% of profits for this design will go to the Alaffia Foundation specifically for Education. West African school children to get school supplies and bicycles. And 10% of profits will go to East African Ugandan orphans for school supplies.    
www.alaffia.com/pages/alaffia-foundation
godschildrenministry.org

     All around the world there are very poor families with very poor children. It is important for a child to receive an education because then they can understand how to find their place better in the world. Children need attention while their parents are busy providing for them.   In America it is a lot easier to attend school because a bus system is provided for the school children, but in places like Togo, West Africa there is no bus system. It is a dangerous task for a child to attend school but it is also a necessary task. When I visited what was formerly known as "the slave coast" I saw a lot of children that were very poor. I knew that they were poor because I recognized a lot of them would wear the same clothes one day after the other. A lot of the clothes were dirty and had holes in them.  The children were very excited to receive an empty plastic water bottle. In fact, they fought over them. My group of American volunteers came prepared with our own water bottles so we would not catch a disease from the water there. The children had to fetch water from the wells in the area.  Many of them carried the water in an empty gasoline container.  The children also seemed very fascinated by things like cellphones and cameras. They loved viewing themselves in the screen. The kindergarten and first grade kids carry the stools (pictured in the artwork above) over their heads across the field. Some children sat on the ground. The kindergarten class room was a very sad site to see. It seemed as though it was a muddy and gutted out building. We were informed that they slept on the floor in the dirt. There was no electricity or running water. The snakes go where they want and they don't care. The country does not pay for the kindergarten classrooms. That age is so precious. They are too old to carry around and too young to leave by themselves.  Many women in the country carried around their children on their backs in slings. That is easy for a two year old child but not a 5 or 6 year old child. They need to be watched over. It seems to me God is watching over these young ones. Life is so fragile. Precious are Gods children.    

           written by CDT

  
     There are no accidents. I write to you from my home. I am not getting paid for being home.  There are people who tried to fight to get paid to stay home during this crisis by calling out and our leaders responded by firing the person who started the commotion.  As I write I have no second source of income yet. I have unlimited call out forgiveness at the moment. I am seven days in to self isolation. Why do I choose to put myself in self isolation when I am a healthy individual who needs the money to pay rent? I tried my best to stay an essential worker. There is always a good reason. 

                                                 Spiritual Gifts
     I first want to start off by telling you that I am gifted. I can sense things coming before they happen. Sometimes a person comes near me I will see that person in my mind before seeing them in the flesh.  When I get a strong feeling about something that seems impossible to my own human understanding of the way things work, and then I put my trust in Jesus Peace instead of fear, it always comes to pass. At first when I realized I had this gift I was scared. Now it just makes my faith stronger in God. I don’t have control over how often these moments happen or when.  I have the gift of The Holy Spirit inside me and you can get it too.  Accept Jesus as the Son of God and that He died on the cross for the sins of the world. Your gifts might be the same as mine or completely different.  That is what makes us unique and very important to Gods kingdom. The Spirit reveals itself when a person is not living in a sinful state. Follow Gods Holy Commandments. When I got baptized through Christ in 2003 I accepted the Holy Spirit, but I never knew what it was until 2018. Now I understand what it is.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philipians 4:7 Jesus is the Prince of Peace. I have been consciously making decisions based off the peace that I feel since 2018. It has worked many miracles in my life. When anxiety comes upon me I know that I must not go in the direction of what gives me anxiety, but I must leave the situation. There are people who have certain magic worldly powers that are from the enemy. Do not mistake those powers for the Power Christ believers have. The powers that come from God are much greater and more powerful than what any human working through demons can disguise. When I think about what is going on right now of course I had no idea ...but it makes sense. 


1 Corinthians 12:4-11 New International Version (NIV)
4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.
7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8 To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.[b] 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.


                                                        Revelation of Lies 
     It makes complete sense. There are no accidents. When I was in high school I found out that I was living in a lie. I am 26 now. All the food I ate, beauty care, and body care I used was toxic to my health. A slow mistreatment. When I started reading labels to everything I realized “Who can I trust?” God brought me to seek His natural world and that opened up a lot of doors of knowledge for me. Everything in life has a purpose. Every rock, every plant, every animal, and every human. Just read the book of Genesis and you will see how God created man, creature, and earth with purpose. Now I trust no one for what they present to me on the surface level. I always look deeper. I always find out “the why”. Everything that God made has a unique purpose. Gods natural world will help and heal us.  It is usually those who are in the most power and control that you have to question the most because they are spiritually challenged the most. It does not mean that everything that person does is bad.  Just make sure those individual ideas align up with what God says before you follow the majority of people.   


Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. Genesis 1:29


     Everyone and everything and every situation has a purpose. They call that tv an idiot box for a reason and if you become distracted it will control you. Keep watching the box selectively, but always know there is a bigger agenda out there to try to force you to not think for yourself. It will distract you from all the warning signs and cause addiction in your life. It is never good to be addicted to money. Money is the root of all evil. So when you find yourself selling yourself out for money instead of trusting God it is time to rewrite the script. Turn to God to be your financial counselor and notify you of the next moves you should make. You can’t control everybody. You can try to give advice. You can’t make people feel in a certain way that you want. The way that people feel is based on what they have been exposed to.  When you choose to slave yourself away for money or fame, a part of yourself suffers. Your conscience is not clear and it eats away at your self esteem. The guilt eats at you. If you know that something is wrong  or unjust you are forced by God to speak it out. You cannot suppress or you will be depressed. Your freedom in Jesus will override the fear that tries to control you by slavery of the mind.  


                                                 The Power of My Voice
    Everything that I have spoken or thought in Gods peace has come to reality. When I speak people who are unbelievers ridicule me. When what I say comes to fruition they can’t say a word. I have these gifts through Jesus. Jesus is my friend and the Holy Spirit Peace is my guide. God is my Father and my Creator. I cannot deny the wonderful guidance He has given me.  For example, when God told me to go to Africa I asked God if it was Him that told me. I didn’t have a dime saved up to go to Africa. I didn’t know it connected me to my purpose. I didn’t see the point in risking my life and compromising my health to take a trip with my soon to be peers I had never met. I asked God that if it is not His will, the trip would not happen and I would not have the money to fly out. (Almost $4,000) I fasted and I prayed for the money to go for seven days and it happened. I couldn’t be more pleased with the sense of belonging and love I received from the descendants of my ancestors. The rest of what happened is a testimony I will tell later on. 


                                                    My Conscience


When I see people who are supposed to be leaders doing unjust things it makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t bear to be part of an entity that is unrighteous and unjust. Every part of my soul repels its negative and evil aura. I stand for God. I stand for what is right and fair. I do not stand to be a slave. I am free by the power of Jesus Christ. Jesus sets me free. All the people that lived before me in this country like Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, and Harriet Tubman fought for our freedoms. I am Gods child. “No weapon formed against me shall prosper....”. Isaiah 54:17 If you study your Bible in the book of Revelation, you will understand that what is going on right now is demonic. 




It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hands or on their foreheads, so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of its name.
Revelation 13:16-17

No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the Lord. -Isaiah 54:17



     I am not suggesting that what is going on right now is the end of times but I am concerned about it being a pretense for what is to come. It gives me the most anxiety and I don’t want to have any part in being the reason why future generations become spiritually bonded to the wrong entity. Right now I am feeling a lot of uncertainty because if I continue to live the way I have been living I am forced to take on the new way. The new way suggests that I should not question anything. The new way suggests compromise. The new way suggests that I have no power. The new way suggests that I set up future generations and even the people of today to fall under the authority of iniquity. 
    I am amazed right at this very moment writing this because I didn’t even know the definition of “iniquity” but the Holy Spirit brought that word to my remembrance. I looked up the definition of iniquity and it says “immoral or grossly unfair behavior.” That is exactly what I meant to say. 


Sometimes you will see people doing things that appear to make sense, but in reality it is a set up and an excuse to take away our freedoms. The people who have the most earthly “power” are the people whose intentions caused this to happen.  There was no race of people that caused this to happen. Bless our neighbors in China. There are no accidents or coincidences in life.  Even when it seems like there are no other options there is always a moral alternative to iniquity.  You cannot reject every idea simply because it requires work and you believe you have no power to bring it to fruition.  Go with what God is speaking to you and respect yourself enough to say no and to fight against slavery.   


    
                                          Why Did God Let This Happen?
    God has power over all things. He has the power to stop death from happening. He already has written names in The Book Of Life.  While we are here we must love people and live out our purpose. Everyone will die eventually whether it be from natural causes, accidents or human manipulation.  When a person comes near to death and they don’t die it is God giving them a second chance. It is by grace that we are all here today. God wants to save us all. He loves us all. Sometimes He calls good people home to be with Him. Sometimes there are people who are teetering between good and bad and they die without another chance. I do not believe that these deaths go in vain. God knows all things. I am just a human so I don’t. Maybe that person who never got a chance to accept Jesus would have done more harm than good to the futures of those who openly accept Christ. I would rather save a thousand of my paintings from getting soiled than just one yet God still chases after us all. We cannot afford to spend any time without a connection to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 


     When God sees His children turning away from Him He removes Himself from them. When bad comes to worst that is sometimes the time when people turn back to God. I am a believer that Gods church will continue to stand and that we will bring more people to Christ than ever before. Nobody can do life alone and claim success.  


                                                       Mistaken Identity


    The process of raising money for my volunteer trip to Africa and traveling there was nothing short of the hand of God on me. Gods protection reigned on me and I’ve never felt so vulnerable and more like Gods royal child in my life.  I won’t go into all of what I learned in this post but I will tell you some facts that relate to what’s going on right now in April 2020.  In August 2018 I found out my African ancestry on my moms side comes from Togo and Ghana. I am from Puerto Rican origins. Both of my parents and all of my grandparents are Puerto Rican. We are a mix of African, Taino Indian, and Spaniard. On my dads side we are also Irish. Puerto Ricans are a people who are of mixed race and multicultural. The Spaniards brought African slaves to the island of Puerto Rico and brought disease to the native people living there. The Spaniards had babies with the Africans and Taino Indians. That is how we get the Puerto Rican people. The guidance from God to go to Togo West Africa didn’t even come into my headspace until it was the month I was supposed to apply for the trip. I was on instagram and I met this young man who told me about where Taino tribe came from. How did they get to Puerto Rico? He told me Puerto Ricans are from the tribe of Ephraim. 
He told me the Puerto Rican people are the descendants of Abraham and the Israelites. Included in his statement were Native American-Indians, African Americans, and all Hispanics.   


He took him outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stars--if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."Genesis 15:5


13 Then the Lord said to him, “Know for certain that for four hundred years your descendants will be strangers in a country not their own and that they will be enslaved and mistreated there.-Genesis 15:13 


All of my life I thought I was a Gentile.  If you read your Bible in the book of Genesis you will discover the promises that God has for Abrahams descendants. If you continue to read you will also discover God turning from them because they do not keep their faith in God.  The 400 years already happened after Moses directed the Israelites out of Egypt through the power of God. I understand that but I also feel like history repeats itself. 


This very past week people were partaking in passover and as I write this blog post tomorrow is Easter. In Africa there are swarms of locusts in the Eastern region bigger than they have ever seen. Locusts bring famine. In America people are afraid that disease will take over food companies and grocery stores and that they won't have a way to get food.        


So what about the people who claim to be descendants of Abraham and Israelites already?  
We have no place to take their identity and culture away from them and what they choose to believe. They may very well be who they think they are. Only God knows each person. God knows who you are. It is not an issue of skin color. Do not let pride overcome you. 


For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.
1 John 2:16 | NIV 


To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.-Proverbs 8:13 | NIV


                                        Gods Promises
Galatians 3:28 New International Version (NIV)
28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.


He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.


-Isaiah 40:29-31


If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 
-Romans 10:9
                   History Repeats Itself in 2019 through 2020 


When was the start of slavery in America? The year 1619. Remember there is always a reason for everything that happens. It doesn’t mean that God is not here. God is fully here to those who choose to love Him. God protects His people. Remember how God is.    


After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the LORD nor what he had done for Israel. Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the LORD and served the Baals. They forsook the LORD, the God of their ancestors, who had brought them out of Egypt. They followed and worshiped various gods of the peoples around them. They aroused the LORD’s anger because they forsook him and served Baal and the Ashtoreths. Judges 2:10-13




                                                      Love is Sacrifice


Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.-John 15:13




“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.-John 3:16


There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.-1 John 4:18
                   

                Next Steps for Believers During This Crisis 


34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35


31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.-Matthew 6:31-33






                          If You Lose Everything Remember 
3 Now go, and remember that I am sending you out as lambs among wolves. 4 Don’t take any money with you, nor a traveler’s bag, nor an extra pair of sandals. And don’t stop to greet anyone on the road.
5 “Whenever you enter someone’s home, first say, ‘May God’s peace be on this house.’ 6 If those who live there are peaceful, the blessing will stand; if they are not, the blessing will return to you. -Luke 10:3-6


                    Goodness Through God Will Rule Over Evil
Genesis 15:13-14 New International Version (NIV)
13 Then the Lord said to him, “Know for certain that for four hundred years your descendants will be strangers in a country not their own and that they will be enslaved and mistreated there. 14 But I will punish the nation they serve as slaves, and afterward they will come out with great possessions.


Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower.
James 1:9-10 | NIV


                             Gods Already Knows You And Will Lead You 

​Jeremiah 1:5-8 New International Version (NIV)


“Before I formed you in the womb I knew[a] you,
    before you were born I set you apart;
    I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.”
But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.
Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord.




     I had to take three flights to get to Togo. From California to New Jersey to Paris. I missed my flight from Paris through no mistake of my own. I had to wait over a day for my next flight, but God took care of me. As I waited for my flight I overheard and met this woman who was talking to her 18 year old niece. What she was saying to her niece about God resonated with me. She was on a mission to deliver the Gospel through a solar Bible. The Bible read Gods word in the Northern regions traditional language. She said that the security in Paris tried to take it from her several times, but it did not succeed. God had His hand on them and that Bible to get the message where it needed to go.  I also felt like God had His hand on me because evil powers tried to get me discouraged and make me feel like I did not belong. They tried to get me to turn back home, but I persevered through Jesus Christ. If I had never missed my flight I would have never connected with them in a spiritual refresh. God also protected me from what I was not supposed to be exposed to. When I was in Togo West Africa on the last day I set my alarm to wake up early to have a conversation with God on the beach. I was by myself and I envisioned my own ancestors stacked on top of each other on the slave ship praying that they come back to their native land. Some of them died, but the ones who survived made a living through slavery in the new land that was not their own. Those people might have passed away, but I came back to the land 400 years later in 2019. Their prayers were answered in time. 


     I prayed that God would remove the poverty and poverty mentality in Africa, African American people, and Afro Caribbean people so that we may be blessed. I blessed the land through Jesus Christ. Blessed are all the tribes of Israel when they turn back to the Almighty God. My volunteer work in Togo was helping to build a kindergarten where the children were sleeping in the dirt. God spoke to me through His peace and He let me know that what I did broke the spiritual bonds and the curse over my family line. I came back the US no longer having poverty mentality and knowing that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to through Jesus Christ. This is true even though I am not monetarily rich at the moment and I come from a single parent household. I came from homelessness. I came from oppression. I came from abuse. I am rich through Jesus Christ and He is going to bless me. Later on in the next year 2020 I found out about the Year of Return. Millions of African descendants went back to Africa after 400 years, the start of slavery. The year 2019 minus the year 1619 equals 400. I was blown away that I had no idea.  With all the tribulations happening right now what is to come is written in the scriptures. Furthermore, just as I showed the love of Jesus to the African people, God is calling all Americans to break the curse of slavery and do the same in 2020. You may not get to Africa any time soon, but you can certainly help the people so that you and your families will be released from the attack of the enemy and blessed through the generations.



                                                        What I'm Doing Now
     I met this man David Mubiru (23 years old) who comes from Uganda and he takes care of 25 orphans. You can see the love of the Lord through the Holy Spirit in this man and the children he rescues off the streets. He teaches the children the love of Jesus and they go on missions. I decided that I want to help them so I donated to them for food and I created a design that will help make them money. I am so far donating 20% of the profits off my design on Redbubble to help them get water and food. Even though my ancestors do not come from Uganda I want to bless them because he is my neighbor and my brother in Christ in Gods eyes. I support children and I support Jesus. I have never seen the love of the Lord so big as I do in this young man David Mubiru.  I was blessed through Benny Hinn Ministries with the rest of the finances I needed to go to Togo West Africa. I remember he asked me if I would share Jesus in Africa. I told him that I would be the light wherever I go. I was not going on a missions trip but a volunteer trip through my company. My missions were personal. I did share Jesus in Africa to the people I was exposed to, but I did not speak the language of the little children. I was afraid to speak the gospel in a community with dangerous people nearby and with a group of unbelievers. I created art to leave there and help deliver Jesus light to the children. When I met David, I realized that I can be a help to spread the Gospel in Africa if I help him and his children.  


Donate Directly to David Mubiru and his 25 orphan children: 
https://www.paypal.com/paypalme2/Godchildrenministry


Buy From My RedBubble Shop to donate 20%:
https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/Help-Orphans-in-Uganda-Get-Fresh-Water-by-Curlydolltati/46515210.07KN2

Mubiru Davids Instagram: @Peace_David_Mubiru 

Instagrams : @CurlyDollTatiana and @CurlyDollTati 

                                      Go and Create A Life For Yourself 
     I am going out in that freezing cold rain and I am going to create a life for myself. Don’t Let The Rain Make You Stay Inside.  This is your time to regroup. This is your time to take advantage of your time.  If you feel stuck, find another way. Find another outlet.  If you are going through getting stranded somewhere away from home don’t feel alone. There are many women who have gone through this before you. If you don’t have an example, I am one of them. 


                                                       Stranded in the Country
     I remember when I didn’t have a car and I was staying in a room at my aunts house in the country. I was not used to living in the country where everything was so far away.  It seemed like it would take an hour just to walk to the grocery store. Twenty minutes to drive. I didn’t have a date of when my life would change.  I didn’t have money that I could depend on coming in. I didn’t have a job or much experience working.  I applied myself.  My aunt had a bucket of pink paint that she never got to paint on the walls since Grandma went to Heaven.  Grandma was supposed to stay in that tiny bedroom with the flower wallpaper.  I asked my aunt if I could finish painting the walls and she said yes.  It took me a few days and suddenly I had motivation.  The color therapy was good for my brain. It was bright and cheery. I took that saying from Nike, “Just Do It” and I wrote it on a large piece of paper. I looked at it everyday to have a reason to push through the feeling of being stranded and the loss of direction.  Suddenly everything that I wanted to do felt like it was possible if I just continued to work towards it.  Before this I had created my website culydolltati.com and I continued to post drawings.  I didn’t have internet at the time so my aunt drove me to the library and I posted on my blog there.  I did have a scanner and a cellphone.  On my old laptop from high school I didn’t have a professional version of Photoshop, but I had Photoshop Elements which was all I needed to get started.  I always thought to myself all I need are the bare necessities for my equipment.  I found beauty in the people around me and took my inspiration off of my experiences and country life.  When you’re out there stranded in the peace and beauty of nature, you really get a chance to clear your mind. I knew that the goals and aspirations that I have were no match for country life so I had to move.  I just didn’t know how I was going to get a job with limited access to transportation.   

                                                     Creativity Directed

     It would rain all the time where I was living.  The weather made me feel even more stranded but I enjoyed my times of peace.  I could hear crickets, frogs, and birds chirping. I could see fireflies, rainbows, and bunnies hopping. I could observe bees and spiders working.  I could see the tomatoes my aunt planted sprouting.  These things were all moving forward and I had to as well. It was inevitable. I couldn’t stay there for long.  It may have been slow country life, but things would soon develop and if I had stayed where I was at who knows how south things would have gone.  There’s nothing like a hard and direct answer from God. Do I do this or do I do that?  This website has been a form of self expression for me and has given me a clear goal for my life of what tangible steps I can take. For that, I am grateful that God gave me this idea and these talents.  For people who have little, I highly recommend that they start a business or create something with what they have.  With the technology we have today it can be even easier for people to market themselves and their businesses. Don’t have an idea? Start with your own talents or skills.  If college seems like it’s a tangible goal, then by all means go to college! Go to college especially if you and your family can afford it.  If you can’t afford it, the hourly workforce isn’t the only place you should be spending your time if you aspire for more.  

                                           God Sets Me Up For Answers

     My old laptop crashed.  I could no longer edit drawings and post them on my own.  It was much more difficult to get art to perfection and to become digitally ready with my usual short time frame. It was very upsetting, but I knew it was not the end of my business. God made it clear that I would just need to get a job to afford to buy another laptop.  I needed to be able to afford food and clothing.  I had another aunt that lived an hour away that I would soon stay with. If I had not asked I would have not received. I found work within a couple months and was able to get rides with her. I also got rides from coworkers. I am grateful for that help that I received during that time.  Previously I had applied for so many jobs in the former state that I was living and even had a couple interviews. I didn’t have any successful call backs.  I thought that I would never find a job and that I was unhirable.  During my waiting period I decided I was going to volunteer at church. I served food at a church wedding. I was a model at a hair show that my aunt was involved in.  From that, I built my resume.  My cousin gave me a pants suit that my aunt made fit on me. It was still too big for me, but I used that to go on my interview.  I thought of applying for a job at a grocery store because my former high school boyfriend worked at a grocery store and so did my crush. It would be a perfect first job.  I walked into what would become my first job and realized that there was an equal ratio of Brown skinned to Caucasian people working there.  Since I was a brown woman, I had a higher chance of getting hired. If at least one of the people that had the power of hiring me could see my need for a job and willingness to work for it, my mission would be accomplished.  With little job experience you need to find people who are willing to have faith in you.  I also saw a Distraction, a Best friend, and Laughter among other things on day one.  The people I met there I would call my coworkers, my friends, and people that God sent to help along the way.  God had a bigger plan for my life that He would reveal to me six months later. I could not take anyone with me although I would fantasize about the people I loved coming with me. Anyone who would survive the impact from my next move would remain within my cellphone monitor and only would be admitted to appear every now and then.  
                                                    Me Walking By Faith
     God prepared my life and set it up so that I could find my first job and move from the country to California after working there six months. With my mother we looked for a place to transfer my job.  With our faith in God, we looked forward to the future.  Our place to lay our heads and call our home, came in due time.  My strandedness and uncertainty changed.  I went from being motivated by the pink walls and the Just Do It logo to sadness because of my computer crashing.  I then gained my reason to push through.  I found success. With Gods help I am able to live.  God gave me life and now I am able to create a life by making my contribution to the world.




I am going out in that freezing cold rain and I am going to create a life for myself. No matter what the weather is, I can find a space in the midst of the storm where I can grow. I can find my air bubble. It may take time and nurturing.  When you have a feeling that you are not supposed to be where you are at there is nothing that can stop you from growing when you keep resting your eyes on your goal and walking in the direction God has planned for your life. 

                                     You’re Not Ready For My Heart
    Most people are not ready to handle each others hearts.  When a man is walking fully in the light of Christ he is able to lead other people. That means that God will give him enough strength to resist temptation and stand strong in Gods word.  A man like this will not lie to you or anyone.  He will be a light in his community no matter if he’s just with you, with friends, or with strangers.  A man that is ready for your heart will not test your boundaries or be selfish.  A man that is ready for your heart will pray for you and himself and he will be so careful to not lead you astray by promising a future with you before the time is right.  
    To be a strong woman in Christ means realizing that you have so much potential and you are Gods daughter.  You must be so careful to not tempt the men to fall into sin like Eve did to Adam in Genesis. Do not awaken love before the time is right because then you can forfeit the perfect blessing that God has for you. How do we do this? It can be so difficult to keep from spilling your heart and inner thoughts to the people you love.  Your physical need to be affectionate takes over when you really love someone because we are human.  Why even let this happen when your gift of pleasure should be saved to be experienced with your husband?  You can control your own body and your own mind. I would say, one of the best ways to avoid falling into lust is to not chase men.  It is the mans job to choose and pursue a woman.  It is a womans job to accept or decline and slow down the pace.  Give him only what he should have to better himself and it is not your body that he should have if you are not married.  You should just be friends with men until courtship to be married.  Why should a man give everything he has to a woman who changes her mind? Why weaken the spirit of a man who was not yours to begin with? Why should you be spiritually tied to one man when he has no intentions of marrying you?  Do you want an exclusive relationship because of the material and physical benefits? Are you hooked to the thought of having your partner all to yourself? You are a Queen! You are worth the extra effort to the man that you are supposed to be with. Time and distance cannot separate you both. You should not sell yourself short. And if you believe this too, and you never meet the love of your life, remember that this world we are given is a blessing.  This life is a blessing, but it is only temporary. The fruits are to enjoy while we are here, but your purpose is even grander than your relationship status or how many children you are blessed with.  Even your dream house is no comparison to the plans God has for you. ​

    For the girls that think their ethnic background, complexion, body shape, modesty, hair texture, religion, or job determines whether they will find love and happiness or not, please do not believe the lies that are not of God. You may be in your feelings and in your head right now and not think you are worth love to the men you love because of societies norms.  Do not give up hope and faith no matter how many years you have lived.  Value your mind, soul and your body. Value how you treat people and the love that is hard to show at times. You will be rewarded in Heaven for the strong character that you continue to show when you could have given up. Trust in the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you.  
    Sometimes couples realize they are supposed to be together before they mature spiritually. This is fine, but what if you become more spiritually mature than your partner? What if he becomes more spiritually mature than you? Do not come in between a mans relationship with God. That is not our place as women. Our place is to lift our leaders up and be a source of light and encouragement. We should better the lives of our men and not be a burden to them.  If you sense yourself falling for this trap of not loving or committing fully to someone you should show them what real love looks like. Either love fully and completely or cut emotional bondage soul ties. Love grows over time. This is true. But what does lust grow into? Selfishness, depression, anxiety, indecisive behaviors, suicidal thoughts, and loneliness.      
    We should be so careful to build our relationships with people on a firm foundation. People never forget how we made them feel in the past.  If you are too busy thinking about yourself and your future, you won’t realize all the damage you can cause to another person because you were too emotional and too blind to see the bigger picture.  
    God gave us the gift of marriage so that we can grow His church. Two people who are strong in faith are better together than apart.  The road to marriage is not meant to be a selfish one filled with lust.  True love is unconditional.  Love is not flighty. One week we “love” one man and the next week we are “in love” with another man.  We should focused on saving our marriage lifestyle for “the one” who we can build a firm foundation with.  If you need to work on yourself before joining together with another person there is nothing wrong with that.  God didn’t give us a spirit of fear.  We should not fear that we won’t become accustomed to societal norms of starting a family, getting married, and buying a house at age 25-35.  God doesn’t work in our time frame but in His. In His purpose. We should think about the bigger picture of why we are here on this planet when choosing a mate.  If your love doesn’t prove him or herself as understanding about deeper topics than food and taking notes in the church outline you must decide on what terms you will continue to be with that person.  If you are in need for something deeper show the true love that you wish to feel.  Study the word of God. Connect with like minded people but do not leave your husband or wife in their time of need.  If you are not married, you are single.  You are not tied to another person and if you think you are tied it is all in your own head.  Do not be irresponsible by breaking a heart. Take responsibility for your decisions, but in everything that you do, do it coming from a place of love and compassion.  It is not right for you to keep yourself from progress. By keeping yourself from progress, you are keeping them from progress as well.  You can never keep God from progress, but God can forcibly divide what He has not joined together. A true union is blessed and has a firm foundation.  Ladies ask yourself if the man you have accepted is truly ready to handle something as precious and as valuable as your heart. And Fellas, ask yourself if the love of your life is truly ready to give her whole heart to better you.