Category: Wisdom

Topic: Love is Sacrifice: Things to Consider When Deciding on a Husband

2/16/2020

Stop Testing Him Out

   A lot of women do this. They meet a nice guy. He makes them feel special, but they can’t picture themselves with him long term. They stay in the relationship and try to convince themselves that maybe he is “the One”. They stay in the relationship because of the way they are treated whether it is good or bad. What they want is a boyfriend, but not a husband. They want a boy to act like their husband for the benefits of having a man around. One of them is going to get hurt. With one person having expectations for marriage and the other one undecided why are they running in circles? They can spend their time and their energy on making themselves better or actually finding and being with the right person. You know? The person that satisfies them as a whole. He is enough for her and she is enough for him. They can do life together, start a family, and live out their lifes calling. With hushed minds teetering for a long while in the maybe stages of the relationship for too long, it is enough to derail both people from their purpose and cause more harm than good.

   Don’t take advantage of him. Don’t play house. Don’t make him do stuff for you. You know you are not going to change your mind. It’s been over 6 months and you are still waiting for the same man to prove that he is husband material? Why are you not convinced? Why are you not satisfied? Love is consistent in character. If he can’t prove he is your husband within the first few dates…If you can’t see yourself with him for the rest of your life within the first few dates, you ain’t never gonna see it. You may be persuaded to settle. Settling will destroy your life because you will always want to cheat and think the grass is greener on the other side. Why do you keep testing him out? He is somebody else's husband. He doesn’t belong to you. His wife will have to deal with the trauma of your past emotional baggage. He could be scarred from you. You may be helping to destroy a future family. To be honest, what is even worse than that is distracting him from his purpose and derailing him from his goals in life so he can almost satisfy you. Don’t try to convince yourself that he is the one. Let your developing relationship flow naturally. Release yourself from anxiety and depression. You feel the way you do for a reason and by no mistake. Even If you don’t understand your emotions yet trust your intuition and your God-given feelings about people. Follow your peace and align up your intentions in everything you do with Gods commandments. The man you are considering for you might not even be a bad person. You may just have a bad feeling about them being with you. They could have been a really cool friend. You will miss out on that if you use the person for lust, fear, and anxiety.

Date to Marry

   You are still single past a certain age. You need to put your priorities in order. You don’t want to try to be with someone you will end up cheating on because you have a preference. Cheating starts in the heart and in the mind. When you are young or even older, it is okay to get to know different types of guys to find out what you like and want. Dates without commitment. Dates with a pure and genuine responsibility of self control. Dates with wisdom and commitment to your own values. Find a trustworthy and wise person who can be your accountability partner and speak wisdom to you. If you already know what you want there is no reason to try things out. Save yourself the heartache and the disappointment. There is a list of things you should consider before you give a man your time, your full heart, and commitment. End feelings of wanting to own a person. Let go and let God work. No matter how bad you want them or how much you feel God sent them for you, whatever is meant to be will be. Let God take priority and ownership over you as an individual and your love life. You cannot earn a person. It’s by the grace of God that marriage exists and marriage is a miracle.

1. Physical Attraction and Chemistry
a.) Without this very important detail when times get rough you will have no reason to cling to each other. If you’re mad at him while you are married to him he will be much less attractive if you settle for less than you are attracted to. If he is attractive from the get go, at least when you are mad at him you will have something spicy and sweet to hold.
b.) Do your conversations with him have a nice flow or are they always one sided?
2. Religious Background and Ideas on Religion
Important Questions to ask him and yourself:
a.) What is the purpose of life?
b.) What is the purpose of marriage?
c.) What is his religion and will you be able to accept it? Will he be able to accept your religion, your religious traditions, and the way you view religion?
d.) Do you know your purpose already and does he know his purpose already? Will those purposes be able to mesh well? If one of you doesn’t know their purpose yet and the other one does could that be a potential issue?
e.) How passionate is he about your purpose? Does he believe in your dreams and do you believe in his?
3. Current Close Family Connections
a.) If you can’t get along with the family member that is most influential in his life how will you be able to maintain the relationship? Be prepared for them to choose that family member over you..who are not family. Marriage might not change how that family member views you. It might just make problems surface even more. Don’t be surprised if your hubby even goes to that family member that you don’t get along with for advice. Don’t be surprised if they seem like they don’t get along with them one moment and then get along with them the next. Family ties are deep rooted and a hard bond to break. If you are not willing to put up and be quiet sometimes in topics regarding that family member then don’t continue to invest your heart. Love is about sacrificing without compromising. Just look at Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. He is a perfect example of true love.
4. Ideas On Future Family Life And Family Upbringing
a.) Are you willing to come to terms with your man having a traumatic past? Maybe you had a traumatic family upbringing yourself. Find out how he stands. Is he going to be an extension of the cycle or is he determined to break that cycle? For example; Maybe his father was an alcoholic. Does he drink? Does he know what he’s susceptible to and is he adamant for change? What are you willing to accept? Don’t fake your truth. Not even in the beginning.
5. His Definition of Love and How He Loves To Be Loved
a.) Without some sort of sacrifice, there is no love. Love is not talk alone. If he can’t sacrifice for you in the beginning of the relationship there is no mutual relationship. You will have to sacrifice for him too but it doesn’t mean you should compromise your values or your safety. Men sacrifice in different ways than women. In efforts to prove their love is genuine sacrifice will be a strong tell tale if he values you especially in the beginning of a relationship. If he is not sacrificing for you don’t be surprised that you are not the only one. His word is not valid until proven. Believe him, but air on the side of caution. If you give your whole heart be aware of the risks you are taking when he’s only giving a small portion of his. It doesn’t mean that you should never open your heart and give it your all. It just means you may need a strong foundation in Jesus to love you when you are left heartbroken. The One on Earth that has displayed His heart to us spiritual beings is the Lord. Jesus died for the sins of the world and He still loves us even when we neglect Him. Love is Sacrifice and Jesus continues to chase after our hearts.
6. Chivalry: Is He A Gentlemen? Halfway Or All the Time?
a.) If he is only a gentleman when it’s convenient for him, sometimes, or rarely it is all an act. It is very difficult to train a man to do what you want especially when you have already accepted mediocracy. If he is going to be your king act like a queen. Even a king should honor his queen.
7. Generosity
a.) Is he generous with his money? Does he offer to buy things for you? Does he surprise you with thoughtful gifts to please nobody but you? His generosity now will surely be a small representation of the future with you. Think about the gifts that you have received. Was it to please himself or you?
8. Hygiene And Cleanliness
a.) Does he take care of himself or is he in an emotional stage in his life? If he can’t take care of himself what makes you think that he can take care of you? Your children? When you go out for a weekend with the girls will you come back having to put the pieces back together in your family or will he have it all under control?
9. Friendships
a.) Who you hang out with on a regular basis is a strong indication of where you are at in your life. It doesn’t matter what kind of friends we find ourselves making. Being a friendly person is an asset. Are you strong enough to be an influencer of that person who is weaker than you? I’m not talking about physical strength. I’m talking about mental strength and security in yourself on the inside. A lost friendship would be one that you continue to invest your time in and all that person does is take from you. Know when to leave. Do not settle for that friendship just because there are no available options at the time of the sever. God wants you to cling to Him as a friend. God may be preparing you and setting yourself up to meet people who you can fill and that can fill you. Maybe you don’t want to sever a tie completely because you really genuinely care about your friends well being. Choose how often you are committing to that person who drains you. Remember that when choosing a husband you must be aware of the friendships that he has. His friendships might have the power to manipulate his mind. Is he influenced by certain people or is he the influencer? If you are still not married the best mate would probably be someone who is stronger than you if you are basing your relationship on the Christian principles of marriage. Relationships are about making each other better and stronger.
10. Openness
a.) If he’s not open with you, he’s hiding something and he still has a guard on his heart. If you are considering telling your deepest secrets and he is not telling you his then don’t go any further with trust! Your questions deserve an answer especially when you are open. Be selective with your secrets and personal treasures. If you feel so inclined to tell all don’t and write your secrets down in a journal for your eyes only or confide in a friend who has earned your trust.
11. Does He Keep His Word?
a.) No matter how small the promise is he should be keeping his end of the bargain. Don’t make excuses for him. Don’t disregard a small lie. A person of truth follows through with their word no matter how small the promise is. If there is a misstep with the truth…find out what that reason is. Are you willing to forgive and forget or will you keep record of the wrong? Weigh out the pros and cons and ask God for wisdom.
12. Racial Background
a.) So you are attracted to someone of a different race and he is attracted to you. If you are willing to accept each other everything will be fine right? In a perfect world that doesn’t judge color; maybe. Be prepared to be looked at by society because of the mix of races. Not just curiosity, but secret jealousy or race hate. Since the world is very connected this is just the reality of the world. Are you thick skinned? Will you be able to handle the constant criticism and the glares? Do you like that? How long will you like that or will it slowly eat at your feelings? He may stick up for you and love you but not love your people. That is a huge problem if you have a heart for your people and he does not. Will the heart for your people connect you to your purpose? Will your lover hold you back fom that or fully support you? Is he willing to turn his back from his own people to uphold what is just and true? Would he fight for your people without you in the picture? Mixed race couples can be beautiful but it’s not all looks. There is a secret pain behind it. Does that matter to you or do you not want to deal with that lifestyle? Is it healthy for you as an individual or are you strong? It’s all based off the couples individual needs and lifestyle. If you feel you are strong enough and you love, like, and accept the person then go for it. Interracial relationships can be a beautiful thing.

Why Women Settle and How To Overcome Heartbrokenness

Many girls grow up with ideas on what they want their husband to look like and act like. Those ideas and dreams are cultivated and groomed for the good or the bad as they get older. It’s great to have dreams. It’s great to have goals. It’s great to have a vision of how you want him to be. As girls get to be teenagers and young adults they date and start to have real relationships with boys and then men. As they kiss many frogs their vision becomes a little bit clearer in regard to the kind of husband they want to have. Some girls and women even become heart broken and lose hope. So many pressures are put on them such as the need for affection and affirmation. They may feel like they need to move out of their living situation. They feel they need to have children by a certain age. Why are we so needy all the time? Why does it have to be like that? If you have a boyfriend or husband that is a blessing. Cherish what you have. Follow your peace. If you don’t or maybe you are in a toxic relationship, get to know your Creator God. Accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior.

   Accept the Holy Spirit as your Guide. Study Gods Ten Commandments and make intentional choices to align yourself with obeying them. Cut yourself off from things that cause you to be tempted to sin. Accept that you are forgiven by Jesus Christ dying on the cross for the sins of the world. Accept that Jesus loves you. Make intentional choices to live by faith and not by sight. Just because you want a man to be your husband and he doesn’t want you or he is living in sin doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. Just because you are not attracted to anyone around you doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. Just because you feel like it is a lost cause for you to find a husband who you can look up to doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. Just because you may feel like you can never trust again doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. You just need to live by faith and not by sight. Trust God to lead you. Make God your Husband and trust Him that He will lead you on the right path. If it is Gods will He will supply you with the right husband for you. If it is not His will for you to be married continue to trust Him.
     Fulfilling Gods purpose for your life is greater than any marriage or starting of a family. Don’t be so distracted by things of this world that you forget that your base purpose in life is to love the people around you and save souls for eternity with our Creator. Your identity and the love you are capable of receiving and feeling does not rely on having a physical life partner. Be strong in Christ and rely on Him to fill you up inside. If God is telling you to step out of your comfort zone to meet the right person then go for it. Don’t let fear or insecurity hold you back from finding love. Become secure in the Lamb of God and reach for the stars.

The Purpose of Marriage

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CurlyDollTati #146

5/11/2018

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Stop Stalking Your Love

Everytime you see them your heart skips a beat. You breathe heavily. Your eyes cannot stop staring at them. When they are around you can sense it with your whole body. You can single out their voice from the crowd behind you. You subcontiously submit to them in every interaction or forcibly do the opposite of how you feel. You look up to them and their actions become your greatest desires. Your heart yearns to be one flesh with them. You have visions of marriage, visions of children, and visions of being together with them. You mirror them whether you like it or not because their spirit becomes your mini god. This is called lust and it is not love at all. When you begin to see yourself with someone and want to be with them in a marriage or romantic relationship put a harness on your feelings.

Being Used and Not Chosen

It can be very dangerous to have these feelings when a man has not chosen you. You cannot choose a man when he has not chosen you. He may be just messing around with your emotions to accomplish a goal. His goal is not always getting physical with you. It could be feeling popular or using you as a back up plan. There are men in the world that make it a game to have as many female interests and choices as possible. Women are not sneakers, gadgets, or ice cream flavors and you should not allow yourself to be that for any man. If you find yourself following him and stalking him on social media, distract yourself with positive activities and interactions. Find some Curl Friends to hang out with. Remove youself from his view. Find the bigger picture.

I’ve Chosen To Love Him So Why Doesn’t He Love Me?

Sometimes when you decide in your mind that you love someone it is very hard to stop trying to love them. It means you want to be around that person all the time. If the person is a stranger to you it can be difficult for them to interact with you if they don’t have the same intense feelings about you. It doesn’t mean that they can never love you. It just means that they are not in the position right now to love you. Why? There are several reasons.
They could be distracted with another person of interest that they can’t get out of their mind. Just like you, before you came along there was a list of girls or boys that your crush wanted to love. That could mean years of potential investment and you are just meeting them now. It makes them blind to you. You could very well be in the the periferal of their mind as a back up plan in case things don’t work out with the main apple of their eye.

They may have a broken heart they are trying to restore. There may be emotional and spiritual healing that they need to deal with before they invite you into their world. There are all sorts of layers of emotions that are felt during a relationship and after one that may just take time to diminish and eventually dissapear. This does not happen over night. Your crush that just came out of a relationship may use you as a rebound or a fill in until their love comes back to them. Be careful how much interest you show to them. Do not interrupt their growth.

He could be content with being single. Most people come in the world alone and leave alone. Their days are spent going their own way by themselves. It can be very difficult to give up the freedom of being single and only having to be concered about yourself. If you make it known that you want a relationship, marriage, and children a man might not be ready to talk about that stuff immediatley. You may be feeling like you need to lay it all out there in the begginging to not waste time and you should. Advancing the conversation means that you care about your own needs and don’t want to waste anyones time. Beware of the single guy who has a different person in their bed or social media profile with heart emojies every week. He’s not in the position right now to love you. Love is not all physical.
Love Game

The more that you call him, text him, stalk him, the less interest he has in you because he knows you will always be there. How do you attract someone who you love? There is no magic trick I can give you to suddenly make love happen for you. All I can say is be in close proximity to your love to qualify you as a candidate for the Big Match Making Game. Do your own thing. There is nothing more attractive than a lady that has a lot of talent, interests, and goals. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Love youself first and he will come. If you are waiting for the day when he’s going to wake up and say “Oh wow she’s the most beautiful girl, I wanna try to advance the relationship with her now.” You may be waiting 10 years. I always think of that song Never Ever by Ciara “If that boy don’t love you by now, he will never ever, never ever love you” https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ciara/neverever.html If you’ve let him know how you feel and he does not feel the same, take his word for it and make an effort to move on. “When people show you who they are, believe them”-Maya Angelou.https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/14/oprah-life-lesson-maya-angelou_n_2869235.html There is nothing that can make a man love you or choose you. He must do that on his own. If you think you can manipulate the situation you are playing yourself for a fool.

Late Night Text Messages

If you are anything like a human you crave affection late at night through the early morning and all through the day. If you don’t fill your time with things you are interested in besides your love interests, you may be walking on a tightrope without a safety net. You think you have it all under control and then something tramatic happens all because you were texting an insecure person. Know that you are beautiful without having a man tell you. Your amount of potential dates or people who make themselves known to be interested in you romantically does not define your attractiveness. It does not define how smart or how good of a friend you are. It does not define how popular you are in outerspace to Heaven. If you wouldn’t be with a guy late into the night then you have no business texting him flirtatious ineuendo late at night. Just do you and don’t worry about no potential Boo. Remember if he can’t respect your beauty rest now then he won’t respect your beauty rest later when you’ve got kids and he’s at home all day pushing his career as a content creator. Serious conversations are better saved for morning or afternoon. Do not let him have the power to claim your soul because of a simple fleshly desire.

Infatuation Critisized

When you are a woman or man of a certain age, you look back at your life and you realize that you have had many a love whome you have given your heart to whether they know it or not. Pieces of your heart are with them in a spiritual sense because their lack of affection for you took a tole on and shaped the current state of your heart. Because of the lack of love from these men your heart has chosen, you may develop trust issues. There are a few men that stand out from the crowd because of how it impacts you emotionally. What is meant to be will be. You cannot force a relationship or a friendship. Sometimes when you have decided to love someone as more than just a friend it can put a tole on even becoming friends because your energy is too strong. You would do anything for them, but they do not want you in their life. Friendship does not happen over night and neither does love. Temporary love is infatuation. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotton Son, that whosoever beliveth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16. This is a true representation of love. Our task in loving one another is to love more like this example. We cannot love exactly like God and how much God loves us, but we may simply try to put others needs first before ourselves. If that means waiting on the man of your dreams to be emotionally and mentally ready to love you back, so be it. If that means giving him up to another woman because he has chosen her, so be it. Be satisifed, feel complete, and be content with yourself because you have truly loved him by giving him your whole heart. You don’t need to follow him any longer. You need to let him go.

Disclaimer: (This has nothing to do with ignoring anyone and it has nothing to do with any person. Just some Women to Women advice.)

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