 I am removing myself from any situation where I am tolerated and not celebrated. Remove yourself from any and every situation where you are tolerated and not celebrated. If you "can’t leave" right now, plan on it. People may just be tolerating you for what you can do for them. How do you know that you are tolerated? Simply…you don’t feel grace with them. You might work with them or go to school with them. There may be one specific person that you are constantly needing validation from. They stick around for what you can do for them. If there is something to benefit you then you might consider working something out so that feelings are more manageable for both parties. It is not healthy to go day in and day out constantly surrounded by people who don't like you. One person that does not like you can make you feel like the whole world does not like you. You deserve to be loved. Sometimes hatred or indifference is disguised as simply just not being celebratory. You should have people around you that are jumping around for joy at your arrival and in your presence. Those people are not always going to be there, but there is potential for them to be there. Do not lose hope in forming a network of people around you that love you. Jesus will always love you.
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 No More Empty Promises. It is My Decision It is wrong to make empty promises. What brings promises to be so empty? Why are people not coming to a decision before they make a promise? A promise is a promise. People should not let their hurt make them treat people the same negative way that they were treated. “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”- Matthew 7:12 Make Words Mean Something Sometimes people don’t promise to be there for people, but they give them a verbal agreement. Make words wholesome to create an honest and true personality. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”-Ephesians 4:29 People shouldn’t give people their least. She gives her best. She does not let people feel disappointment when she is not there for them. She lets people feel blessed that she is around. “Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her..”-Proverbs 31:28 People will not feel blessed or miss a person if they keep canceling on them. If a person only shows up every now and then they won’t be able to sustain a relationship that way. We make decisions all day long like what latte we should order or what shoes we should wear, but when we include people in our decision making we should be careful to stay true. If people feel like they need more time to think about a decision they should take that time for themselves to pray about it and mediate on Gods word. A woman should not promise a man they will get married to them if they don’t have all the facts and they are still deciding. Girls should not promise a friend they will go shopping with them next week if they have not cleared out a time and a date. “Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.” Matthew 5:37 Overpromising, Decisiveness, and Lying If a person overpromises, that means they are saying verbally with their mouth that they are going to do something and then they do not take further action to make it happen. If a person feels the strong need to commit, a smaller expectation is more manageable than a larger one. Still it is best to not make promises a person can’t keep. When people find themselves in situations where someone makes a promise to them and they feel under pressure to make a promise back, they should stand firm. Use phrases like “Hey, I’ll get back to you on that when my schedule clears up.” “No, I really don’t think that’s a good idea at this time.” “I need some time to think about it.” “Right now it’s a lot for me to commit to.” Or “I’m not convinced at this time.” “I’m looking forward in hope.” “I’m praying about it.” Sometimes not making a decision can be a terrible option but it’s up to you to decide when is the right time to take a leap of faith. People should not expect people who have already made up their minds to wait around for them too long to make a strong choice. “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”-Matthew 18:20 God does not change His mind and neither should anyone. If a person changes their mind it is a human trait. Strive to be decisive before coming to a verbal agreement. “God is not a man, so He does not lie. He is not human, so He does not change His mind. Has He ever spoken and failed to act? Has He ever promised and not carried it through?"-Numbers 23:19 Disappointing People Disappointing people is embarrassing. It makes people look flakey and inconsistent. It makes people look forgetful. It also makes people look like they’re not appreciative of the time that other people took out of their day to be with them or work with them. When people are sick, they have an excuse to cancel on people. The person who you made arrangements with should understand suffering because of an illness or injury. Sometimes people disappoint people and it could be they have been struggling from a mental disposition or pain. A lot of people struggle mentally with different conditions that they cannot control. However, if they feel they have more control over it and they’re just not putting in the work, better late than never to change. No one has the right to say that a person does not have a mental illness or disposition if that person feels like they do. Sometimes the disposition is temporary, but only the person dealing with the pain can know what they are truly going through. Disappointing people can be necessary for better self help and mental help. Sometimes minds do change and that is perfectly okay. People should not make a habit out of changing their mind, but they are perfectly in the right to if they discover something that is a game changer. They are also in the right to change their mind if they need to take the time to work on themselves. Self love is important, but what is self love without loving a neighbor? No one can have one without the other. Love is prioritizing the needs and feelings of others. There are a lot of reasons why someone can feel disappointed by another person. In all of this it is important to stay truthful. If a person is unsure how to take the next step they should talk to God about their dilemma. They shouldn’t gossip to all their friends. Sometimes situations are allowed to happen because God wants to get people to rely on Him completely. God wants people to develop thier listening skills and being in tune to what the voice of His Spirit sounds like. “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger”-James 1:19 “My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.”-Proverbs 2:1-5 Healing From Being Stood Up Healing from being stood up is not an easy task. A lot of people hurt from this. The reason a person may hurt is because it diminishes the value of how people see each other. All of the sudden a person who once felt special and important in a persons eyes, feels unimportant. It does not necessarily hurt less if a lot of people come through for a person. A person could be valuable to another person and all of the sudden they don’t feel secure in that relationship anymore. To be on a high and low rollercoaster constantly, is very emotionally exhausting. A person begins to lose sense of who they are without people around them. Relationships can develop to be defining of individuals. Sometimes a lot of sacrifices are made, said and unspoken to keep the bond. Healing from it, people need to know themselves. People need to know their worth. A person needs more than just a couple people around them. A person needs to find many people that would be encouragements in their lives. Joining a connect group, volunteering, working, and learning an interesting hobby are just some ways that people can heal. Talking about their problems with friends and family who they can trust to keep their personal life private is another way that a person can heal. Sometimes people just need to vent or talk it out. Writing feelings down in a journal helps. A really helpful thing is talking to God and praying about problems. God wants to build a relationship with everyone. “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” Revelations 3:20 Unlike that boy that never called her back or stood her up for that date. Unlike her best friend that never seems to schedule the time to talk to her or see her. Unlike her family that never created a consistency of being there for her. Remember this verse to keep well dealing with emotions from being stood up or disappointed: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 Try this prayer exercise: “I thank You God for [insert boy or girls name here]. I forgive them for [insert dissapointment]. Now I release them to You Lord to find thier purpose through Christ Jesus. Amen.” No more empty promises. It is my decision.  Gossip Girl “Please Don’t Talk About Me to Bring Me Down.” Consider not talking about other people to bring them down. A close friend of mine once said “You can build up a lot of hate in your mind.” In relation to talking about another person continuously. The things that people have done to you might have not even been that bad. Maybe a person is a loving and friendly person towards you. You hear gossip about them and your mind builds the person that you invision them to be. Maybe a person has done something that is terrible towards you. If you dwell on the past you won’t be able to heal. The truth is, people are people. There is a difference between good and bad behaviors, but we all have souls. The world will get farther if we show genuine love towards one another instead of putting other people down by gossip. Past Experiences Shape How People React Imagine yourself in a persons shoes before you talk about them. You were born into this world and the generations before you set up how your life is going to be. Your dna was selected by God. In it comes the highs and lows of your ancestors. There was a study done on human dna. Research discovered that when a person experiences something that is traumatizing, their body goes into fight or flight mode. Your ancestors experiences might have been the reason for your anxiety issues. That information is stored. Your family unit whether the experiences are good or bad molds you. If you are able to know the story of your previous generations, you are able to pinpoint why you respond to feelings in certain ways. Consider that before you gossip about someone. Be grateful to be yourself. Environment Shapes How People React Someone is doing something out of character? They didn’t respond in a way that you expected them to respond? They were not exposed to your exact same experiences. They don’t have your same DNA or social expectations. They don’t have your same family dynamic or friend support system. It takes years of people living in the same environment or different environments for peoples minds to become cloudy. It can even take seconds of learning from an experience to decide that you aren’t going to respond in the same way again. It is hard for people to see past what they are exposed to. Gossip doesn’t help people change thier environments. It just breaks people down in the minds of the people who are around them. Don’t make a mistake because it also breaks down the people around them who are the gossipers. It brings out insecurity from the mouth of the gossiper. God wants you to learn how to control your mouth and use your mouth for His glory. Know Who You Are Through Your Creator There is a strength that comes from knowing who you are. You get to know and value yourself by knowing your Creator. Through your Creator you find your purpose. Everyone has multiple purposes that are connected to each other, but not the same. Instead of talking about someone in a negative light and spreading negativity to dim the light they have, offer them prayer and encouragement. Through your mouth speak light in the lives of people and yourself. Take up an interest in other peoples real and true lives. Take up an interest in people who are different from you too. Show genuine love towards people and they will open up with you. You may realize that you have a lot more in common with people than you thought. In that moment you can offer words of wisdom and offer to pray with them. If you can’t get a person to open up ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in how to pray for a person. In the times where you can’t pray with them directly, extend out your arm in their direction and use your voice to declare peace, love, and victory through Christ Jesus over their lives in a voice that only God can hear. How to Interact With The Person You Feel Prompted to Gossip About Sometimes not getting involved socially can be what you need. Sometimes keeping your conversations limited and surfacy can temporarily be the best thing. Ex; (It’s a nice day outside. I like your outfit. How was your vacation?) Deep topics require serious responses. As much as I would like to say that you can get along and be friends with anyone, sometimes it’s not that simple. You can change your heart and want to be open, but that person could be closed off, not trustworthy, and toxic to you. You are looking out for yourself if you know how to tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance that does not genuinely care about you. Do not tell your personal business to people that don’t genuinely care about you unless you are mentally prepared to handle the criticism. Putting yourself in a vulnerable place might be necessary to build trust in your relationships and friendships, but don’t take it lightly. Keep your topics about business or your schoolwork if you need to interact with someone you are not comfortable with through work or school. If you see potential for growth in the relationship, be prepared to be vulnerable. Just be careful who you trust. Remove Yourself From The Conversation Remember to remove yourself from the conversation if you feel prompted to talk about someone to spread a gossip. If you think it’s okay to test key words to force people to question you, then you are testing the waters. It’s not fair. Write down what you were going to say on a piece of paper and then scribble it off and shred the paper. Throw that gossip in the trash where it belongs. Once you master not talking about others, you must master walking away from gossip. There is a power in walking away from the conversation and even steering it in another direction. Fine tune choosing your questions so that it doesn’t get your conversation listener to talk about other people. If you are prompting other people to talk that makes you just as guilty of gossiping. To steer a conversation in another direction try asking people what they are doing or what they would do on their next vacation and plan it with them. Don’t Make Gossip Your Entertainment Sometimes we feel we need to talk about people to entertain ourselves and our minds. We need to have a wow factor in our day. We want to talk about something exciting and different that prompts us to have a conversation with others. Talking about others could temporarily make us feel better about ourselves and make us forget about our problems. Talking about others could lead to finding commonalities with our peers and forming alliances. We get to know the opinions of others on taboo topics. If we talked about these taboo topics in our own lives we would fear judgement and criticism. Sometimes things are not what they seem. A person could talk about a person kissing their boyfriend behind the school and getting in trouble for it. In reality, they secretly wish they could and they are seeking the approval of their peers or subliminally affirmation for not doing it through condemning others. Seek God for affirmation in the decisions that you should and shouldn’t make. Why should we feel better about ourselves by judging anothers situation? We are not in the same position as them. Why should we form an alliance based off of hate when it will not stop there? That hatred will continue to grow if we don’t sever gossips bondage ties immediately. Make Love A Priority When you make God a priority you learn how to love through Him. God will give you revelation on how to love people in the correct way. Reading your Bible seeking Jesus helps. Sometimes people don’t really know how to be accepting of love. It Is not your fault that they rejected you. It’s the experiences in their lives that molded their perception of what love should look and feel like. You need to recognize this and learn how to reject the spirit of rejection so it doesn’t have the power over your mindset and eventually your life. You find yourself taking on roles that you never wanted to take on. If you love without expectation of love in return, you are being unselfish and not self-serving. Sometimes this is what a person needs to change. If you keep spreading gossip about people, the love that they need to feel won’t get to them. Sometimes it’s like Who Me? Am I really the one? If you don’t see a transformation yet, you are at least meant to plant seeds for change. You may be the one person that steps out on faith and reveals to them what they are needing all along. The Cycle of Gossip Sometimes you as yourself are not a gossiping person at all. You invite a gossiping spirit into your life when you listen to gossip. Since you are listening to gossip you give yourself permission to gossip about the person telling the gossip. That person also grants you the permission to talk about them when they gossip. If you are unaware you can become caught up in a vicious cycle. Now since you are talking about the gossiper, the person you are telling now has the permission they need to talk about you. Be Careful that you don’t take on a persons same vibrations. You can take on their same vibration by stooping to their level and doing the things that they do. Jealousy is Toxic Jealousy is toxic to your health. If the reason you want to gossip about someone is because you secretly want to be them, realize that there is only one you. You can never become another person. You should be the best version of yourself. You yourself can change to like the same things that another person likes. You yourself can take on the attitudes and opinions of others. You can respond differently based on your experiences. You can get a new hairstyle and new clothes. You can get a new career and more money. You as yourself, the person and the soul cannot replace your soul with another persons soul. The only way you can change your soul is by accepting more light inside of it. All things light comes from Jesus. It comes from God. Are you jealous of a persons light or are you jealous of their darkness? The light of a soul has no place with the darkness that could be dormant in a persons soul. Find your light through your Heavenly Father and not another person. A direct contact is better than a filtered connection. Defining Gossip and Seeking Friendship. Gossip isn’t just talking about another person. You can talk about people without it being gossip by saying what you like about them. When it becomes gossip is when you reveal intimate details of their life that have nothing to do with you. Another type of gossip is pointing out their mistakes. People do this because they want their own mistakes to seem more normal and like they are not the only people that make mistakes. Another type of gossip is lying about the person or spreading information that you don’t even know yourself to be true. You are just as at fault of the gossip if you spread false information. You may catch yourself talking about a person who is right in front of you to a friend that you are closer with. You want to ask the person that you feel prompted to talk about a question, but it really is not any of your business. Assess the reason why you have questions. Is it because you want to feel a little more human yourself? Is it because you relate to them? Maybe there is a potential to start a friendship with this person and get on a deeper level. Don’t think that your friendships need to be limited to one friend or one group of people. You aren’t cheating on anyone if you make a new friend. No matter what type of background a person comes from give yourself the approval to get to know different people instead of only talking about them. Have self control over what you speak by giving your issues to God. Create a lot of friendships and light up someones candle through your flame.  References:https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/10486479/Phobias-may-be-memories-passed-down-in-genes-from-ancestors.html
https://www.teenvogue.com/story/slavery-trauma-inherited-genetics https://www.pbs.org/newshour/extra/daily-videos/can-trauma-be-passed-to-next-generation-through-dna/  "You Are Like A Sister To Me: I loved you from the first time I saw you" Friendship and Sister Soul Ties
Sometimes it’s difficult for me as an adult to find girlfriends. I meet a girl that I think is interesting and cute. We go out for a few friend outings. As I get to know her then the story unravels about who she is as a person and what she stands for. I have compiled a list of friendship deal breakers. Creating value in each others lives is an important aspect of a friendship or sister-bond. People often don’t think of having sister soul ties, but this can effect both sisters in their growth. It is important to remember that relationships are all about trust. Without trust there is a limited friendship. There are a lot of people on this planet and they all need different things. Not everyone is looking for a friend when they meet you. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy of friendship if a connection doesn’t work out. Keep being open to meeting that special friend that you can do life with. Sometimes they are closer than you think. The internal heart matters more than the external appearance. Friendship Deal Breakers There are some deal breakers as to whether I want to continue growing my friendships with women. One big deal breaker is the respect she gives to God and Christians because I am a Christian. It is a deal breaker if she shows any sign of disrespect. Another deal breaker is cancelling all the time. When I set plans, I try really hard not to cancel. The only way I cancel is if I have to work, am sick, or have some sort of transportation issue. There are other reasons I might cancel, like changing my mind about the person altogether. Count on that happening if they are disrespectful towards myself or the people that I associate with. Count on that if they lie or steal. Dishonestly and disloyalty lead to trust issues which create a relationship that is difficult to manage and better off disconnected. Create Value In My Life: Build Friendships I usually like to be around women that create some sort of value in my life. I know that sounds tacky, but its true. If they are a leech, eventually I get drained from being around them. If they provide emotional support, they stay friends with me. If I can’t trust them from the beginning or find out that I can’t trust them, it’s over. I feel like I want to support people for what they are going though. I want to help people. I want to help everyone. I am only human too! I need to be listened to. It needs to be about me sometimes and what I want to do. I want to choose the destination and the book title. When I’m in a friendship often times it is difficult to not put the other person first. I am a giver. There’s no other way that I feel like a loving human. To give is to feel. However, I cannot neglect myself. Friends can create value by being a listening ear, an encourager, and physically making an effort to be there when it matters. Sister Soul Ties It is hard to say no to a sister. I mean, you see them. You love them. You would give the shirt off your back for them. You create that special bond. DNA and blood definitely bridges families together. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being linked to another person who is like me? That is a miracle. I have a real sister. I don’t get to spend much time with her because we’ve always lived far away from each other. But we connect when we are together. At least I feel that we do. Sometimes you can have a sister that is not related to you though. I’ve had my share of fill-in sisters and I still want to strengthen that bond with my sister-friends. When you are closely connected to another person you can create a thing called a soul tie. Being soul tied to another female can be just as helpful or hurtful as being in a romantic relationship. You don’t need romance to be soul tied to another female. You will know you are soul tied when you are emotionally involved. Don’t let your emotions take over for people who don’t bother to give you the support that you deserve. Trust Your Friend To Build Your Relationship or Disconnect If you’ve taken a risk and given your friend the benefit of the doubt that she won’t infect your life with negativity and she did, it is hard to continue. Oftentimes disloyalty happens when you least expect it. Before entrusting your friend with your biggest secrets, trust them with small secrets that won’t ruin what you’ve got going on. See if they can be trustworthy with the small stuff and then build with more sharing if they prove themselves loyal. Often times if we feel the sister bond and connection very early in the relationship we are tempted to entrust them with our whole lives like they are an extension of ourselves. We need to remember that another person is not you and everyone responds differently to situations and knowledge. Forgiveness When does forgiveness matter the most? Forgiveness matters when you have to live with the person or see them on a day to day basis. Even if they live far away forgiveness matters. It is not healthy for you to hold on to old, negative feelings. Even if you forget the person, your unforgiveness will manifest in new relationships by how you respond. Emotional traumas effect how you respond to new people. Emotional traumas can even be transferred through generations to your children through your DNA. Our ancestors have transferred positive and negative energies to us. If we are aware of that we can make conscious decisions to serve each other through love that is pleasing to God. We must not act in a way that we have been conditioned to think is okay through culture, modern society, and family patterns. We need to be more aware of how deeply our decisions to not let go of old feelings can mentally effect us and the others around us. How to Forgive The first step in forgiveness is give it to God. Do not try to take revenge in your own hands. Step two is take a break for yourself. Don’t be around that person consistently. Take the time that you need to heal up. Next step is to show love. If you see that person, greet them with a smile and hold open their door. Buy them a coffee or send them a thank you note. You don’t have to go out of your way to meet up if you are not ready. You can forgive them from a distance by talking about the positive sides about them when they come up in conversation or your thought process. The final step is to pray for them. Ask God for His forgiveness for yourself and ask God to forgive them and reveal to them their mistakes towards you in a loving way for their own growth. Ask God to remove all negative feelings from your consciousness. Next, decide whether their positive traits outweigh their negative ones. If you need to break the ties do so calmly, appropriately, and lovingly. Sometimes relationships are best put on hold until the appropriate time. Sometimes relationships stand the test of time. Be the Friend That You Want to Meet Don’t just wish you had friends and complain that you don’t have them. Go out of your way to connect with people. It is so easy to let your friends find you, but sometimes you need to find your friends. Sometimes if you are an introvert, you need to force yourself to be extroverted in a situation to make a friend. Sometimes you only get one chance to connect with a person. Sometimes you will get multiple chances. Put your best foot forward and dress your best. Start a friendly conversation with positive reinforcement and an invite for tea. Don’t only talk about the weather and force them to follow you on social media. Show them you care for them as a person. Ask them about themselves and listen more than you speak. You never know what first impression you can make on a person that will lead to a lifelong friendship. Friendships are a blessing. Remember to love them.  Be Introverted with a Friend: I'm glad we understand each other. There are no awkward silences.  Sharing a chin wag with a friend you have things in common with is the most therapeutic feeling on the planet.  Find joy in helping other people find joy. When you give you will get even more.  You know you are special when you can get along with all different types of people. Spend time getting to know the people you think are strange, weird, or different. You just might enjoy their company.  If someone ever comes to me and says they need love I will tell them I’m not their lover. I am their friend. Who are they to me if they cannot be a friend to me? |
Author & IllustratorHi, I'm CurlyDollTati! Nice for you to join me. I am an illustrator from Southern California. My love for illustration was encouraged by many throughout my life. I was especially encouraged by my single mother who's nickname is Dolly. Growing up I had a love for fashion illustration. CurlyDollTati is a representation of me...Tatiana..and the vision that I have to create a world of diversity in art. Here all races of women can come together to celebrate what makes us unique. We can uplift each other. I can share my art, my experiences, and your story too. Email me at [email protected] Archives
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