God accepts me as I am. In this world there is so much hatred towards women. Not only is there hatred towards women, but there is so much hatred towards women of color. There is indifference and a lack of concern for us in the atmosphere. It sucks and it's hard to cope sometimes. It is especially hard to cope when your own people who look like you are not concerned about you. There is a misconception that Black and Brown women "don't need no man." There is a misconception that Black and Brown women can handle the load. We are strong because we have had to be to survive. We've pushed through. We are still fragile and need love just as much as other races. When we are constantly abused and mistreated it takes a toll on our state of minds. It causes a chain reaction and it causes mistrust. We build our walls and close our doors. Although the perception of Black and Brown women may never be able to change in our lifetime we can still control how we view ourselves and the people who we let into our lives. We must remember that God accepts us as we are so we can heal. We must love ourselves and affirm ourselves a little more than the next woman who gets affirmed every time she walks outside. This may not be your reality but it's the reality of many. I ask that you are respectful to peoples perspectives. Protect the women around you of all races. Go the extra mile to protect the integrity of the Black and Brown women around you. We need kind and understanding people around us even when we are under the influence of our pain. Remember that God accepts you as you are...whoever you are. 

     Do you ever get people who point out something about your physical appearance and try to make a joke out of it? Well...it's not funny. Maybe people should think about what they say before they say it. If it does not have a real impactful meaning, then people should just keep their mouths shut. If somebody has a physical trait that they cannot change without getting surgery or if their hair is naturally a certain way, people should not point out those things. Let's say somebody has gray hair and they are really young...They can't change the way their hair grows out of their head. They should not be expected to dye their hair. It's not okay to make fun of them. Just because something is different does not mean it is bad. A lot of traits that are unique and rare make people really beautiful. It makes people stand out to be able to share their lifes story. It draws people near them. Don't hate. Appreciate people for who God made them to be. Uniquely Beautiful.  

                                                     Pretty For Me

     You may think that I get pretty for you, but I get pretty for me. When I dress for myself I feel refreshed, motivated, and comfortable. When I dress for you, I feel not good enough, not myself, and uncomfortable. 
    There are a lot of reasons why I dress for myself. If I am having a day off from work or school, I can wear whatever I want to wear. If I plan on staying in the house all day I get dressed as soon as possible so I can feel productive.  If I didn’t take a shower the night before, I will take one as soon as I finish walking my dog and eating breakfast. The feeling of the water massaging my skin in the shower really gets my blood to circulate and makes my mind feel awake.  I am able to bring a more productive flow. There is nothing like the feeling of dry armpits and moisturized legs. I pull over my head a soft, airy blouse. I put on my cozy yoga pants. I slip my sweet smelling feet into warm and dry socks. I make myself a hot cup of tea on a cold winter day. I feel comfortable and motivated. My hoodie is my shell where I can feel safe.  I feel motivated to plan my day out.  If I decide to go outside and put on a pink dress with no shoulders, that is also for me.  When I go to public restrooms or take selfies I feel confident that I look pretty in what I’m wearing. I feel prepared to meet new friends that will upgrade my quality of life. I am excited to meet new people that will bless my work-life balance. They will want to be around me because taking one look at me, I refresh them. Since I refresh them, I am able to feel good about myself. We are able to bounce off of each others energies because we both make an effort to feel pretty and comfortable. I may not fit in all that I plan to say to new people, but my outfit and style says it all. I am the fun and loving girl who they will never feel like they are wasting their time with and I am pretty for me. ​

    When I dress for other people, I don’t feel like I’m good enough. When I don’t wear the things that I want to wear those items don’t reflect who I want and feel to be.  I am forced to wear a piece of clothing, but it makes me feel like a copy when I identify as an original. It may make me feel too revealing. It makes flesh-centered people want to touch me or be around me so they can imagine they are touching me. They choose to not have self control over what they see. They do not value me for my heart, opinions, and ideas, but they value my physical appearance and my body only. Since there are many beautiful people all over the world I will soon be replaced in their life once I am able to speak my mind.  Healthy relationships with people are all about being able to share between each other openly and freely with more understanding than judgement. I am able to be myself and feel comfortable. When I am not myself, I am at risk for losing myself and forgetting who I am. Sometimes it can be for the better, but a lot of the times it is for the worse. As I lose myself in the revealing clothing that is picked for me and the clothing that I feel pressured to wear, I lose my spiritual innocence. A uniform can give a sense of belonging, pride, recognition, organization, and minimize the pressure for poor kids to fit in with the latest clothing.  If you need to wear a uniform, don’t lose yourself in it. Wear it respectably by ironing it, sewing the rips, and taking away the lint. You can still wear a uniform and be seen as an individual by your personality. Treat people kindly without sarcasm and making yourself seem smarter than they are by pointing out their faults. There is a way to communicate with people that makes people empowered to grow instead of making them feel as if they have fallen short of excellence. 

     Pretty For Me. When I don’t feel good enough the best thing in the world is to be able to put on whatever I feel comfortable and alive in….and take a selfie. And save it to my gallery without sharing it with anyone but myself. Instead of not sharing because I don’t feel I am beautiful, I tell myself that I am beautiful. I am excellent. I am enough. I am more than enough for him. I am  content with my beauty. I am pretty for me. 

                                      Go and Create A Life For Yourself 
     I am going out in that freezing cold rain and I am going to create a life for myself. Don’t Let The Rain Make You Stay Inside.  This is your time to regroup. This is your time to take advantage of your time.  If you feel stuck, find another way. Find another outlet.  If you are going through getting stranded somewhere away from home don’t feel alone. There are many women who have gone through this before you. If you don’t have an example, I am one of them. 


                                                       Stranded in the Country
     I remember when I didn’t have a car and I was staying in a room at my aunts house in the country. I was not used to living in the country where everything was so far away.  It seemed like it would take an hour just to walk to the grocery store. Twenty minutes to drive. I didn’t have a date of when my life would change.  I didn’t have money that I could depend on coming in. I didn’t have a job or much experience working.  I applied myself.  My aunt had a bucket of pink paint that she never got to paint on the walls since Grandma went to Heaven.  Grandma was supposed to stay in that tiny bedroom with the flower wallpaper.  I asked my aunt if I could finish painting the walls and she said yes.  It took me a few days and suddenly I had motivation.  The color therapy was good for my brain. It was bright and cheery. I took that saying from Nike, “Just Do It” and I wrote it on a large piece of paper. I looked at it everyday to have a reason to push through the feeling of being stranded and the loss of direction.  Suddenly everything that I wanted to do felt like it was possible if I just continued to work towards it.  Before this I had created my website culydolltati.com and I continued to post drawings.  I didn’t have internet at the time so my aunt drove me to the library and I posted on my blog there.  I did have a scanner and a cellphone.  On my old laptop from high school I didn’t have a professional version of Photoshop, but I had Photoshop Elements which was all I needed to get started.  I always thought to myself all I need are the bare necessities for my equipment.  I found beauty in the people around me and took my inspiration off of my experiences and country life.  When you’re out there stranded in the peace and beauty of nature, you really get a chance to clear your mind. I knew that the goals and aspirations that I have were no match for country life so I had to move.  I just didn’t know how I was going to get a job with limited access to transportation.   

                                                     Creativity Directed

     It would rain all the time where I was living.  The weather made me feel even more stranded but I enjoyed my times of peace.  I could hear crickets, frogs, and birds chirping. I could see fireflies, rainbows, and bunnies hopping. I could observe bees and spiders working.  I could see the tomatoes my aunt planted sprouting.  These things were all moving forward and I had to as well. It was inevitable. I couldn’t stay there for long.  It may have been slow country life, but things would soon develop and if I had stayed where I was at who knows how south things would have gone.  There’s nothing like a hard and direct answer from God. Do I do this or do I do that?  This website has been a form of self expression for me and has given me a clear goal for my life of what tangible steps I can take. For that, I am grateful that God gave me this idea and these talents.  For people who have little, I highly recommend that they start a business or create something with what they have.  With the technology we have today it can be even easier for people to market themselves and their businesses. Don’t have an idea? Start with your own talents or skills.  If college seems like it’s a tangible goal, then by all means go to college! Go to college especially if you and your family can afford it.  If you can’t afford it, the hourly workforce isn’t the only place you should be spending your time if you aspire for more.  

                                           God Sets Me Up For Answers

     My old laptop crashed.  I could no longer edit drawings and post them on my own.  It was much more difficult to get art to perfection and to become digitally ready with my usual short time frame. It was very upsetting, but I knew it was not the end of my business. God made it clear that I would just need to get a job to afford to buy another laptop.  I needed to be able to afford food and clothing.  I had another aunt that lived an hour away that I would soon stay with. If I had not asked I would have not received. I found work within a couple months and was able to get rides with her. I also got rides from coworkers. I am grateful for that help that I received during that time.  Previously I had applied for so many jobs in the former state that I was living and even had a couple interviews. I didn’t have any successful call backs.  I thought that I would never find a job and that I was unhirable.  During my waiting period I decided I was going to volunteer at church. I served food at a church wedding. I was a model at a hair show that my aunt was involved in.  From that, I built my resume.  My cousin gave me a pants suit that my aunt made fit on me. It was still too big for me, but I used that to go on my interview.  I thought of applying for a job at a grocery store because my former high school boyfriend worked at a grocery store and so did my crush. It would be a perfect first job.  I walked into what would become my first job and realized that there was an equal ratio of Brown skinned to Caucasian people working there.  Since I was a brown woman, I had a higher chance of getting hired. If at least one of the people that had the power of hiring me could see my need for a job and willingness to work for it, my mission would be accomplished.  With little job experience you need to find people who are willing to have faith in you.  I also saw a Distraction, a Best friend, and Laughter among other things on day one.  The people I met there I would call my coworkers, my friends, and people that God sent to help along the way.  God had a bigger plan for my life that He would reveal to me six months later. I could not take anyone with me although I would fantasize about the people I loved coming with me. Anyone who would survive the impact from my next move would remain within my cellphone monitor and only would be admitted to appear every now and then.  
                                                    Me Walking By Faith
     God prepared my life and set it up so that I could find my first job and move from the country to California after working there six months. With my mother we looked for a place to transfer my job.  With our faith in God, we looked forward to the future.  Our place to lay our heads and call our home, came in due time.  My strandedness and uncertainty changed.  I went from being motivated by the pink walls and the Just Do It logo to sadness because of my computer crashing.  I then gained my reason to push through.  I found success. With Gods help I am able to live.  God gave me life and now I am able to create a life by making my contribution to the world.




I am going out in that freezing cold rain and I am going to create a life for myself. No matter what the weather is, I can find a space in the midst of the storm where I can grow. I can find my air bubble. It may take time and nurturing.  When you have a feeling that you are not supposed to be where you are at there is nothing that can stop you from growing when you keep resting your eyes on your goal and walking in the direction God has planned for your life. 

​                                          Put On Your Positive Pants 
     I asked my Curlfriend Amber what she would like to share with the world and she said "Put on your Positive Pants".  I thought that was genius. It is a great quality to have when faced with uncertainty and doubt. Girls, when you feel like your stuck in a continuous cycle “Put on your positive pants.” When you feel like you’ve hit a wall “Put on your positive pants.” When you feel down and confused “Put on your positive pants.” When you’ve lost your direction “Put on your positive pants.” You don’t have to be a Negative Nellie.  Sometimes people complain and make the excuse that they haven’t had their coffee in the morning.  It is not nice to pass around bad energy just because you feel like it. Your negativity passes to other people and they may feel hurt because you didn’t smile back at them when they smiled at you. When faced with negative outcomes try to look at the positive side of the situation and distract yourself from thinking about negativity. It’s okay to grieve, but don’t keep it in your system too long.  Practice thinking happy and positive thoughts on purpose and your mind will have them easily.  Seek to be around positive people to keep your mind motivated and healthy.  Refrain from complaining too much and saying the same negativity over and over.  When you speak light to other peoples listening ears, they will feel happy to be around you.  It’s okay to express your emotions, but when you are always negative and sad all the time, you have to question “who am I around that is a bother? Is it something that I can change about myself?” If it is someone who you need in your life that is making you sad, maybe you can flip the script and speak positivity on purpose until they catch on.  You are not your emotions. You are not how you feel. Find your positive and “Put on your positive pants.” 

Cover Up? OR NAH? Don't ask me why I'm wearing a sweater. Don't ask me why I'm not.