 It's me again. It's been a year for the books. I am closer than ever to being in an official relationship. It feels good to know that a man is there for me. Not only is a man there for me, but someone who is consistent, trustworthy, kind, and smart. He knows me and I know him. It's like we've met before. To think that in the beginning of the year, I was confused on which direction to take. God has never failed me. I see it all so clearly why it never worked with other men. I think this blog is about to get a bit more interesting. Stay tuned.
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 Stop Testing Him Out A lot of women do this. They meet a nice guy. He makes them feel special, but they can’t picture themselves with him long term. They stay in the relationship and try to convince themselves that maybe he is “the One”. They stay in the relationship because of the way they are treated whether it is good or bad. What they want is a boyfriend, but not a husband. They want a boy to act like their husband for the benefits of having a man around. One of them is going to get hurt. With one person having expectations for marriage and the other one undecided why are they running in circles? They can spend their time and their energy on making themselves better or actually finding and being with the right person. You know? The person that satisfies them as a whole. He is enough for her and she is enough for him. They can do life together, start a family, and live out their lifes calling. With hushed minds teetering for a long while in the maybe stages of the relationship for too long, it is enough to derail both people from their purpose and cause more harm than good. Don’t take advantage of him. Don’t play house. Don’t make him do stuff for you. You know you are not going to change your mind. It’s been over 6 months and you are still waiting for the same man to prove that he is husband material? Why are you not convinced? Why are you not satisfied? Love is consistent in character. If he can’t prove he is your husband within the first few dates…If you can’t see yourself with him for the rest of your life within the first few dates, you ain’t never gonna see it. You may be persuaded to settle. Settling will destroy your life because you will always want to cheat and think the grass is greener on the other side. Why do you keep testing him out? He is somebody else's husband. He doesn’t belong to you. His wife will have to deal with the trauma of your past emotional baggage. He could be scarred from you. You may be helping to destroy a future family. To be honest, what is even worse than that is distracting him from his purpose and derailing him from his goals in life so he can almost satisfy you. Don’t try to convince yourself that he is the one. Let your developing relationship flow naturally. Release yourself from anxiety and depression. You feel the way you do for a reason and by no mistake. Even If you don’t understand your emotions yet trust your intuition and your God-given feelings about people. Follow your peace and align up your intentions in everything you do with Gods commandments. The man you are considering for you might not even be a bad person. You may just have a bad feeling about them being with you. They could have been a really cool friend. You will miss out on that if you use the person for lust, fear, and anxiety. Date to Marry You are still single past a certain age. You need to put your priorities in order. You don’t want to try to be with someone you will end up cheating on because you have a preference. Cheating starts in the heart and in the mind. When you are young or even older, it is okay to get to know different types of guys to find out what you like and want. Dates without commitment. Dates with a pure and genuine responsibility of self control. Dates with wisdom and commitment to your own values. Find a trustworthy and wise person who can be your accountability partner and speak wisdom to you. If you already know what you want there is no reason to try things out. Save yourself the heartache and the disappointment. There is a list of things you should consider before you give a man your time, your full heart, and commitment. End feelings of wanting to own a person. Let go and let God work. No matter how bad you want them or how much you feel God sent them for you, whatever is meant to be will be. Let God take priority and ownership over you as an individual and your love life. You cannot earn a person. It’s by the grace of God that marriage exists and marriage is a miracle. 1. Physical Attraction and Chemistry a.) Without this very important detail when times get rough you will have no reason to cling to each other. If you’re mad at him while you are married to him he will be much less attractive if you settle for less than you are attracted to. If he is attractive from the get go, at least when you are mad at him you will have something spicy and sweet to hold. b.) Do your conversations with him have a nice flow or are they always one sided? 2. Religious Background and Ideas on Religion Important Questions to ask him and yourself: a.) What is the purpose of life? b.) What is the purpose of marriage? c.) What is his religion and will you be able to accept it? Will he be able to accept your religion, your religious traditions, and the way you view religion? d.) Do you know your purpose already and does he know his purpose already? Will those purposes be able to mesh well? If one of you doesn’t know their purpose yet and the other one does could that be a potential issue? e.) How passionate is he about your purpose? Does he believe in your dreams and do you believe in his? 3. Current Close Family Connections a.) If you can’t get along with the family member that is most influential in his life how will you be able to maintain the relationship? Be prepared for them to choose that family member over you..who are not family. Marriage might not change how that family member views you. It might just make problems surface even more. Don’t be surprised if your hubby even goes to that family member that you don’t get along with for advice. Don’t be surprised if they seem like they don’t get along with them one moment and then get along with them the next. Family ties are deep rooted and a hard bond to break. If you are not willing to put up and be quiet sometimes in topics regarding that family member then don’t continue to invest your heart. Love is about sacrificing without compromising. Just look at Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. He is a perfect example of true love. 4. Ideas On Future Family Life And Family Upbringing a.) Are you willing to come to terms with your man having a traumatic past? Maybe you had a traumatic family upbringing yourself. Find out how he stands. Is he going to be an extension of the cycle or is he determined to break that cycle? For example; Maybe his father was an alcoholic. Does he drink? Does he know what he’s susceptible to and is he adamant for change? What are you willing to accept? Don’t fake your truth. Not even in the beginning. 5. His Definition of Love and How He Loves To Be Loved a.) Without some sort of sacrifice, there is no love. Love is not talk alone. If he can’t sacrifice for you in the beginning of the relationship there is no mutual relationship. You will have to sacrifice for him too but it doesn’t mean you should compromise your values or your safety. Men sacrifice in different ways than women. In efforts to prove their love is genuine sacrifice will be a strong tell tale if he values you especially in the beginning of a relationship. If he is not sacrificing for you don’t be surprised that you are not the only one. His word is not valid until proven. Believe him, but air on the side of caution. If you give your whole heart be aware of the risks you are taking when he’s only giving a small portion of his. It doesn’t mean that you should never open your heart and give it your all. It just means you may need a strong foundation in Jesus to love you when you are left heartbroken. The One on Earth that has displayed His heart to us spiritual beings is the Lord. Jesus died for the sins of the world and He still loves us even when we neglect Him. Love is Sacrifice and Jesus continues to chase after our hearts. 6. Chivalry: Is He A Gentlemen? Halfway Or All the Time? a.) If he is only a gentleman when it’s convenient for him, sometimes, or rarely it is all an act. It is very difficult to train a man to do what you want especially when you have already accepted mediocracy. If he is going to be your king act like a queen. Even a king should honor his queen. 7. Generosity a.) Is he generous with his money? Does he offer to buy things for you? Does he surprise you with thoughtful gifts to please nobody but you? His generosity now will surely be a small representation of the future with you. Think about the gifts that you have received. Was it to please himself or you? 8. Hygiene And Cleanliness a.) Does he take care of himself or is he in an emotional stage in his life? If he can’t take care of himself what makes you think that he can take care of you? Your children? When you go out for a weekend with the girls will you come back having to put the pieces back together in your family or will he have it all under control? 9. Friendships a.) Who you hang out with on a regular basis is a strong indication of where you are at in your life. It doesn’t matter what kind of friends we find ourselves making. Being a friendly person is an asset. Are you strong enough to be an influencer of that person who is weaker than you? I’m not talking about physical strength. I’m talking about mental strength and security in yourself on the inside. A lost friendship would be one that you continue to invest your time in and all that person does is take from you. Know when to leave. Do not settle for that friendship just because there are no available options at the time of the sever. God wants you to cling to Him as a friend. God may be preparing you and setting yourself up to meet people who you can fill and that can fill you. Maybe you don’t want to sever a tie completely because you really genuinely care about your friends well being. Choose how often you are committing to that person who drains you. Remember that when choosing a husband you must be aware of the friendships that he has. His friendships might have the power to manipulate his mind. Is he influenced by certain people or is he the influencer? If you are still not married the best mate would probably be someone who is stronger than you if you are basing your relationship on the Christian principles of marriage. Relationships are about making each other better and stronger. 10. Openness a.) If he’s not open with you, he’s hiding something and he still has a guard on his heart. If you are considering telling your deepest secrets and he is not telling you his then don’t go any further with trust! Your questions deserve an answer especially when you are open. Be selective with your secrets and personal treasures. If you feel so inclined to tell all don’t and write your secrets down in a journal for your eyes only or confide in a friend who has earned your trust. 11. Does He Keep His Word? a.) No matter how small the promise is he should be keeping his end of the bargain. Don’t make excuses for him. Don’t disregard a small lie. A person of truth follows through with their word no matter how small the promise is. If there is a misstep with the truth…find out what that reason is. Are you willing to forgive and forget or will you keep record of the wrong? Weigh out the pros and cons and ask God for wisdom. 12. Racial Background a.) So you are attracted to someone of a different race and he is attracted to you. If you are willing to accept each other everything will be fine right? In a perfect world that doesn’t judge color; maybe. Be prepared to be looked at by society because of the mix of races. Not just curiosity, but secret jealousy or race hate. Since the world is very connected this is just the reality of the world. Are you thick skinned? Will you be able to handle the constant criticism and the glares? Do you like that? How long will you like that or will it slowly eat at your feelings? He may stick up for you and love you but not love your people. That is a huge problem if you have a heart for your people and he does not. Will the heart for your people connect you to your purpose? Will your lover hold you back fom that or fully support you? Is he willing to turn his back from his own people to uphold what is just and true? Would he fight for your people without you in the picture? Mixed race couples can be beautiful but it’s not all looks. There is a secret pain behind it. Does that matter to you or do you not want to deal with that lifestyle? Is it healthy for you as an individual or are you strong? It’s all based off the couples individual needs and lifestyle. If you feel you are strong enough and you love, like, and accept the person then go for it. Interracial relationships can be a beautiful thing. Why Women Settle and How To Overcome Heartbrokenness Many girls grow up with ideas on what they want their husband to look like and act like. Those ideas and dreams are cultivated and groomed for the good or the bad as they get older. It’s great to have dreams. It’s great to have goals. It’s great to have a vision of how you want him to be. As girls get to be teenagers and young adults they date and start to have real relationships with boys and then men. As they kiss many frogs their vision becomes a little bit clearer in regard to the kind of husband they want to have. Some girls and women even become heart broken and lose hope. So many pressures are put on them such as the need for affection and affirmation. They may feel like they need to move out of their living situation. They feel they need to have children by a certain age. Why are we so needy all the time? Why does it have to be like that? If you have a boyfriend or husband that is a blessing. Cherish what you have. Follow your peace. If you don’t or maybe you are in a toxic relationship, get to know your Creator God. Accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Accept the Holy Spirit as your Guide. Study Gods Ten Commandments and make intentional choices to align yourself with obeying them. Cut yourself off from things that cause you to be tempted to sin. Accept that you are forgiven by Jesus Christ dying on the cross for the sins of the world. Accept that Jesus loves you. Make intentional choices to live by faith and not by sight. Just because you want a man to be your husband and he doesn’t want you or he is living in sin doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. Just because you are not attracted to anyone around you doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. Just because you feel like it is a lost cause for you to find a husband who you can look up to doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. Just because you may feel like you can never trust again doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. You just need to live by faith and not by sight. Trust God to lead you. Make God your Husband and trust Him that He will lead you on the right path. If it is Gods will He will supply you with the right husband for you. If it is not His will for you to be married continue to trust Him. Fulfilling Gods purpose for your life is greater than any marriage or starting of a family. Don’t be so distracted by things of this world that you forget that your base purpose in life is to love the people around you and save souls for eternity with our Creator. Your identity and the love you are capable of receiving and feeling does not rely on having a physical life partner. Be strong in Christ and rely on Him to fill you up inside. If God is telling you to step out of your comfort zone to meet the right person then go for it. Don’t let fear or insecurity hold you back from finding love. Become secure in the Lamb of God and reach for the stars.  Topic: Why Should I Care About Chivalry?
To talk about chivalry first we have to define chivalry. Chivalry ties into traditional romantic values on how a man should treat the one that he loves. I went on dictionary.com and looked up the definition after I defined it myself. “Chivalry-the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms. “ I also looked it up on vocabulary.com “Men behaving courteously toward women-holding the door for them, offering them their jackets when it’s cold-is called chivalry. Many women consider chivalry a lost art.” 1.) “the medieval principles governing knighthood ad knightly conduct.” 2.) courtesy towards women Valor -“Honor plus dignity. It’s gallant bravery and strength, especially on the battlefield or in the face of danger.” “strength, moral worth, courage.” Dexterity in Arms-“Mental dexterity means a sharpness of mind, or skill in thinking creatively and understanding and expressing something quickly and easily.” Why do we consider it a lost art? From my viewpoint times have changed tremendously. Women are going overboard giving all of themselves too quickly to men that change their minds. Just check out the song “Fifteen” by Taylor Swift. A man shows just a little interest and since the man is really attractive to the woman and seems like he’s got it all together on the outside she thinks that he is “the one”. I am not saying that physical appearance doesn’t matter. It does. I’m saying that it is important to first see the physical, like it, and then dig deeper to find how he values you and treats other people. The Age of Feminism Women keep saying that “we can do everything ourselves and we can do it better.” Well, there are certain things that men typically have more mastery, skill, and patience for. There are certain things that a woman has more of a skill and patience for naturally and biologically. That doesn’t mean that we can’t do it ourselves or do both. It just may be that they are better and more excited about it. For example, construction work, fixing cars, football, fighting etc. It takes a unique sort of woman to want to do these things and be skilled in it. There is nothing wrong with being skilled in these things as a woman. By all means, do what you love. But when it comes time to wanting to have a husband, you need to show him that you need him. Look on the flip side of the coin. How would it feel to you if the man you loved didn’t need you for anything? Where would your position be in the relationship? How would he value you? How would you establish your worth? Find out how your man or your potential mate feels about feminism and tell him your ideas on it. See if feministic views have a place in your relationship and how you both are expected to be treated. I know you can open your car door yourself, but why should you do it if it’s your mans opportunity to show you that he loves you? Dating to marry is about giving to each other within reason and within safety limits. Don’t allow him to put you in what feels like danger to you for the sake of equality in the relationship. You know your limits. Allow men to be men and there is nothing wrong to feel like a woman sometimes. Why This is Necessary for Nesting, Mating, and Marriage There are two other words that were part of the definition of chivalry. One was courtesy. Courtesy: Excellence of manners or social conduct; polite behavior This should be a no brainer but a man without manners is a loose canon. Manners are instilled in children. If he hasn’t gotten it by now it’s unlikely that you can change him. You can train him for what you like but you cannot change him. True love softens the heart. How many of us can say we are truly in love? Some of us only hope. Love is dead without action. Common courtesy is respectable. Think about the purpose of marriage. It is not only for yourself and your own needs but to show to others an example of what love is. Jesus gave of Himself on the cross for our sins so that later when we have accepted Him we can be married to Him. While we are on the earth we love as an example of Christs love for us. The most valuable, genuine, and unbreakable covenant on the earth is the oath when we say “I do.” The other definition of chivalry was generosity. Generosity: Readiness or liberality in giving If your soon to be husband is not generous what is the point of that? What can he contribute to the relationship? Love is about giving mentally and physically. And when I say physically I’m not talking about your body. There is a place for that in marriage. What about giving with faith that you will receive your blessing later? Giving without the intention to get. That is being a loving person. You can be a loving person yourself and still test your partner to see if he is giving as well. Just because he does not give to you doesn’t mean that he’s not a giving person. The love may not have grown enough. Pace yourself Ladies. Let him unlock your gifts at a slow pace. How Can We Bring It Back It is nobodies fault that chivalry seems like it’s dead. We are accountable to set our pace and our plans from the beginning of a relationship. It’s not our jobs to raise men, because he should have already been taught. If your man is not chivalrous do yourself a favor and love yourself enough to require that of him. Be open enough and brave enough to talk about it. If he loves you he will humble himself and stay for the love of you. He needs to want to make you happy. He needs to want to please you. If he doesn’t love you then he will leave. Why do you need to stay with someone that can’t do a simple task of opening the door for you? If he is afraid of how it looks to other people and he’s trying to “please the boys” he will prioritize “the boys” over you. If he is not doing it because he’s afraid to give into you, you may not be enough Proverbs 31 woman for him. He may still have resistance because he is traumatized by someone from his past that mistreated him. But you are different right? It takes 1 minute more to open up the door for you. All of those minutes add up and you are worth the extra time because you have value. If you are going to treat your man like a King he’d better treat you like a Queen. If you consider yourself to be a Queen, act like one. Do not settle to be treated as anything less. Know your worth and your value. If you treat men badly you are undeserving. Love him and yourself enough to change. If you are a man reading this also note: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love your Enemies “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:43-44 |
Author & IllustratorHi, I'm CurlyDollTati! Nice for you to join me. I am an illustrator from Southern California. My love for illustration was encouraged by many throughout my life. I was especially encouraged by my single mother who's nickname is Dolly. Growing up I had a love for fashion illustration. CurlyDollTati is a representation of me...Tatiana..and the vision that I have to create a world of diversity in art. Here all races of women can come together to celebrate what makes us unique. We can uplift each other. I can share my art, my experiences, and your story too. Email me at [email protected] Archives
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