 Don’t Give Up Your Cookie
Hi CurlFriends. If you are reading this post and you are under 18 please read this with your parent or guardian. I cannot replace the thoughts and opinions of a parent. Take this advice with a grain of salt, but most importantly claim responsibility for the mistakes you will make. I am not a pastor. Know that you are forgiven by Christ Jesus. You are not your sin or anyone else's sin. What do I mean when I reference “your cookie” in this post “Don’t give up your cookie.”? I mean your virginity or your sexual abstinence. Sexual Abstinence-a decision to not having sex for a long period of time regardless if you are a virgin or not. Cookie-a womans vagina or your purity Infidelity-cheating in a marriage. Soul Tie-a bond between two people or multiple people felt by one or both souls. The bond may or may not be established by physical contact. It can be mental as well. How do you know you have a soul tie with someone? You are addicted to them and want to know their state of being consistently and repetitively. Adversely, want to know nothing about them. Virgin-a person who has never had sexual intercourse. Sex in a Marriage The best advice I see fit to give you is do not have sex in a non committed relationship. To be committed to a person means you have a legally binding agreement (marriage). It doesn’t mean that anyone can promise you they will never slip up and you won’t ever get a divorce. To be married means that you represent yourself committed to the person behind closed doors and in the spotlight of humanity and God. When you are in a marriage it is more likely that you will be open and honest with your partner if you choose to base the relationship on a healthy platform. This means being open and honest in the beginning of the relationship. At some point when you have gained your loves trust then you will reveal your heart to them. Before You Start a Relationship Getting into a relationship it is important that you trust the person first and build a healthy relationship as friends. You can remain open, honest, and true to them on the terms of friendship. Starting a relationship because you haven’t had sex or kissed someone in a long time is not a reason to start a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. It is also not a reason to end a relationship. If you are in a relationship and have not been intimate or seeing eye to eye with them, you should get to the base of the real problem. There may be a bigger reason why you do not feel spiritually connected to them. Remember that you have nothing to fear but fear. How Can I Tell that He Is Willing To Wait For Me? Be honest from the very beginning about your expectations in the relationship. The right time is sooner rather than later so you know where you stand. Remember that you cannot change a persons mind unless they are willing to change. And why fight for someone that won’t fight for you? You will never feel loved by that person if you have to work that hard. Distract yourself with a hobby like art, reading, or cooking to get your mind off the person. Try this. “I like you a lot and I was wondering if you like me enough to wait to have sex with me until you marry me? I understand if you are not ready. Just let me know now so we don’t waste the time we could have spent on building a healthy friendship.” Can I Be A Virgin Again? Being a virgin again is similar to wanting to be born again. Dedicate your life to God and He will forgive you of all of your sin every time you ask with your heart. The answer is you can’t claim you are a virgin again when you have had sex already, however you can be born again and you can practice sexual abstinence until marriage. It is a very honorable thing to do. Remember that If a person judges you for your past mistakes and sin, they are not really your friend and they don’t deserve you. They are the ones that will be missing out because no woman or man is sinless besides Jesus. Tell the truth about your virginity status. If you are open and honest from the beginning you never need to worry about things not going your way later. God will bless you and all your future relationships with people. Your First Marriage A first marriage is supposed to be the only marriage. In Gods eyes your first marriage cannot be erased or dismissed unless there was infidelity or death. Be careful who you bond with. If your mates or your soul ties are not broken you take the same issues that ended a marriage into your new marriage. Start a new relationship. Start fresh. Break those bonds by seeking out prayer so that your future or current marriage will be blessed. The Whole World Looks Like They Are Having Sex In this day and age it is difficult to find people and even teens that are not having sex, but I promise you they are out there. Yes, even many attractive people don’t have sex. Usually people that don’t have sex have a strong relationship with their Heavenly Father God and they don’t want to mess it up. There are other reasons why someone may choose to abstain from sex including but not limited to:
Tempting Situations and Extracurricular Activities If you have made the decision to save your body for marriage there are many tempting situations that can arise from being alone with your potential mate or even a friend. If you are not ready to read this list please skip the numerical numbers below.
When you have sex outside of a marriage that is what your relationship revolves around. You don’t want this because what if you decide one day that you don’t feel like having sex. Your partner can go behind your back and have sex with someone else. Now you’ve caught yourself in a situation where the relationship was always about sex and not having an unbreakable best friend bond. Marriage cannot fix this because people can cheat in a marriage. If the relationship starts on the basis of choosing a best friend from the very beginning that will be the theme until the very end. You don’t want to have one of those relationships where the only thing that holds you two together is sex. If he hits your direct messages like “Hey there sexy” he is not your true love. Celebrate Being Single Being single is not the end of your happiness. Find your happy place. It is a constant development. Feelings change up and down all the time. Have faith that someone will find you and make you feel mostly happy. Don’t be dependent on them for your happiness. When people are in relationships they tend to only focus on that person and making them happy. It is a good thing, but you can lose sight of yourself. When you are single you have space to think about yourself and put yourself first more often. People also think about their future in cookie cutter scenarios when they are in relationships, but when they are single they have more of a chance to dream bigger and want more. A reset might be just what you need so don’t be ashamed of not being in a relationship. Go out and have tea with the girls on Friday nights. Eat the biggest bowl of pasta and don’t worry about the calories until tomorrow. Don't shave your legs until next month if you want. Enjoy your freedom. Be who you want to be! Remember that true love is putting the needs of others first before your own needs. When you come to the realization that you want God to lead you and use you then your fear of not having sex and being alone becomes less of a fear. You start to realize that this life is temporary, but real life starts in Heaven. Whatever God gives He can allow it to be taken so we can learn life lessons and help other people. Everyone seems to think that everyone is having sex but that is not true. It’s a lie based on earthy standards. It is a fear tactic. They say if you want to be single forever then stay celibate until marriage or choose wrong. I say to that God wants your heart. True love waits. Sex doesn’t mean he won’t cheat. Put the true needs of others before your own needs and you will see the fruit of your faith. Don’t take your cookies out of the oven and risk getting salmonella poisoning because the eggs in your batter were not cooked all the way! God directs the time and the temperature. It’s not always 350 degrees and 20 minutes. Disclaimer: This post is based off of spirit-filled Christian views. I am not a pastor nor do I claim to be sinless or perfect. It is a general blog post meant to help women and girls of all ages be safe and feel secure in themselves.
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 The men I choose to have in my life are kind-hearted and strong. I am strong for only letting supportive people in my life who respect me and what is mine. It doesn't make me a feminist because I don't choose to shave my legs or arms. Beauty standards change all the time. My beauty standard is having a strong Heart.
 Stop Stalking Your Love
Everytime you see them your heart skips a beat. You breathe heavily. Your eyes cannot stop staring at them. When they are around you can sense it with your whole body. You can single out their voice from the crowd behind you. You subcontiously submit to them in every interaction or forcibly do the opposite of how you feel. You look up to them and their actions become your greatest desires. Your heart yearns to be one flesh with them. You have visions of marriage, visions of children, and visions of being together with them. You mirror them whether you like it or not because their spirit becomes your mini god. This is called lust and it is not love at all. When you begin to see yourself with someone and want to be with them in a marriage or romantic relationship put a harness on your feelings. Being Used and Not Chosen It can be very dangerous to have these feelings when a man has not chosen you. You cannot choose a man when he has not chosen you. He may be just messing around with your emotions to accomplish a goal. His goal is not always getting physical with you. It could be feeling popular or using you as a back up plan. There are men in the world that make it a game to have as many female interests and choices as possible. Women are not sneakers, gadgets, or ice cream flavors and you should not allow yourself to be that for any man. If you find yourself following him and stalking him on social media, distract yourself with positive activities and interactions. Find some Curl Friends to hang out with. Remove youself from his view. Find the bigger picture. I’ve Chosen To Love Him So Why Doesn’t He Love Me? Sometimes when you decide in your mind that you love someone it is very hard to stop trying to love them. It means you want to be around that person all the time. If the person is a stranger to you it can be difficult for them to interact with you if they don’t have the same intense feelings about you. It doesn’t mean that they can never love you. It just means that they are not in the position right now to love you. Why? There are several reasons. They could be distracted with another person of interest that they can’t get out of their mind. Just like you, before you came along there was a list of girls or boys that your crush wanted to love. That could mean years of potential investment and you are just meeting them now. It makes them blind to you. You could very well be in the the periferal of their mind as a back up plan in case things don’t work out with the main apple of their eye. They may have a broken heart they are trying to restore. There may be emotional and spiritual healing that they need to deal with before they invite you into their world. There are all sorts of layers of emotions that are felt during a relationship and after one that may just take time to diminish and eventually dissapear. This does not happen over night. Your crush that just came out of a relationship may use you as a rebound or a fill in until their love comes back to them. Be careful how much interest you show to them. Do not interrupt their growth. He could be content with being single. Most people come in the world alone and leave alone. Their days are spent going their own way by themselves. It can be very difficult to give up the freedom of being single and only having to be concered about yourself. If you make it known that you want a relationship, marriage, and children a man might not be ready to talk about that stuff immediatley. You may be feeling like you need to lay it all out there in the begginging to not waste time and you should. Advancing the conversation means that you care about your own needs and don’t want to waste anyones time. Beware of the single guy who has a different person in their bed or social media profile with heart emojies every week. He’s not in the position right now to love you. Love is not all physical. Love Game The more that you call him, text him, stalk him, the less interest he has in you because he knows you will always be there. How do you attract someone who you love? There is no magic trick I can give you to suddenly make love happen for you. All I can say is be in close proximity to your love to qualify you as a candidate for the Big Match Making Game. Do your own thing. There is nothing more attractive than a lady that has a lot of talent, interests, and goals. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Love youself first and he will come. If you are waiting for the day when he’s going to wake up and say “Oh wow she’s the most beautiful girl, I wanna try to advance the relationship with her now.” You may be waiting 10 years. I always think of that song Never Ever by Ciara “If that boy don’t love you by now, he will never ever, never ever love you” https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ciara/neverever.html If you’ve let him know how you feel and he does not feel the same, take his word for it and make an effort to move on. “When people show you who they are, believe them”-Maya Angelou.https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/14/oprah-life-lesson-maya-angelou_n_2869235.html There is nothing that can make a man love you or choose you. He must do that on his own. If you think you can manipulate the situation you are playing yourself for a fool. Late Night Text Messages If you are anything like a human you crave affection late at night through the early morning and all through the day. If you don’t fill your time with things you are interested in besides your love interests, you may be walking on a tightrope without a safety net. You think you have it all under control and then something tramatic happens all because you were texting an insecure person. Know that you are beautiful without having a man tell you. Your amount of potential dates or people who make themselves known to be interested in you romantically does not define your attractiveness. It does not define how smart or how good of a friend you are. It does not define how popular you are in outerspace to Heaven. If you wouldn’t be with a guy late into the night then you have no business texting him flirtatious ineuendo late at night. Just do you and don’t worry about no potential Boo. Remember if he can’t respect your beauty rest now then he won’t respect your beauty rest later when you’ve got kids and he’s at home all day pushing his career as a content creator. Serious conversations are better saved for morning or afternoon. Do not let him have the power to claim your soul because of a simple fleshly desire. Infatuation Critisized When you are a woman or man of a certain age, you look back at your life and you realize that you have had many a love whome you have given your heart to whether they know it or not. Pieces of your heart are with them in a spiritual sense because their lack of affection for you took a tole on and shaped the current state of your heart. Because of the lack of love from these men your heart has chosen, you may develop trust issues. There are a few men that stand out from the crowd because of how it impacts you emotionally. What is meant to be will be. You cannot force a relationship or a friendship. Sometimes when you have decided to love someone as more than just a friend it can put a tole on even becoming friends because your energy is too strong. You would do anything for them, but they do not want you in their life. Friendship does not happen over night and neither does love. Temporary love is infatuation. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotton Son, that whosoever beliveth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16. This is a true representation of love. Our task in loving one another is to love more like this example. We cannot love exactly like God and how much God loves us, but we may simply try to put others needs first before ourselves. If that means waiting on the man of your dreams to be emotionally and mentally ready to love you back, so be it. If that means giving him up to another woman because he has chosen her, so be it. Be satisifed, feel complete, and be content with yourself because you have truly loved him by giving him your whole heart. You don’t need to follow him any longer. You need to let him go. Disclaimer: (This has nothing to do with ignoring anyone and it has nothing to do with any person. Just some Women to Women advice.)  Adopt Or Nah? If you don't feel comfortable adopting a pet or you don't like your pet then don't own a pet. If you have interest in owning a pet and you have the freedom to do so then let me encourage you to adopt. It is a rewarding experience.
 Fresh and Fast Fine Meats. Don't sell out. Textris  Oil Pulling and Wisdom Teeth Removal
I recently had my wisdom teeth removed. I know that they say that if you remove your wisdom teeth then your wisdom can be removed, but that’s not the truth. I used to believe that because I thought it was an unnecessary procedure. Nobody ever talked about their experience with wisdom teeth to me in detail. If I heard about someone getting them removed it usually was a teenager and they had not popped out completely from the gums. All four of my wisdom teeth grew in from about 2-3 years ago. A couple were under my gums for a while. Those suckers are hard to brush because they are so far back into your mouth and partly covered by gums. I also experienced mouth crowding so eventually it just hurt to floss and I couldn't fit the floss in. I began to notice black spots on my wisdom teeth. I knew they were cavities but I thought I could reverse them with the right stuff. It was not enough effort on my part because I let sugar sit on my teeth for too long all the time. They say you only need to brush twice a day and that’s exactly what I did. A Chipped Tooth One day when I was eating some scrambled eggs part of my tooth came off. It made me very sad and I cried when I went to church that morning. At that moment I was feeling like I had no control over my body. I thought that maybe it just needed a simple filling which I never had before. I began to feel more pain as time went on. The pain radiated from my back jaw up to my head like a migraine I had never experienced before. At the point of pain I thought it was a good idea to make an appointment with the dentist. First I had to find a dentist. Someone encouraged me to go see their dentist, so I did because it became an emergency. I thought “Who can I really trust with my body but myself? A recommendation is better than picking at random.” I felt the hole in the tooth getting bigger and the sharpness of it scraped my tongue after I ate a scone at work. That is when I broke down in distress. I could not wait any longer. I Need a Root-Canal What? The next day I went to see the dentist. I told them I needed a filling but they told me I needed root canal on my bottom molar. I knew that my molar tooth was also impacted by my wisdom tooth. It had been a very long time since I had seen a dentist. They took a whole pan of x-rays which I was very nervous about. I took spirulina and green juice before hand to try to counteract the negative effects of the x-rays. They even messed up on them and had to take them twice! I signed up right away for the root canal treatment for the next week. I went home and thought about it. I decided I wanted to cancel it because I hadn’t done enough research on what root canal was. Root canal is shaving the tooth, filling the nerve with a cement-like material, and putting a cap on the tooth by screwing it on. The cap can be made of porcelain which is preferred or another less expensive material. I am not a dentist so don’t take my word for it. Eventually I found a natural dentist that offered biomimetic dentistry. When I heard the stories of what that could offer I knew in my heart it was God leading me to another dentist that was more trustworthy. Oil Pulling My mother had already been oil pulling and so I decided to practice it more as well. It helps to pull the bacteria out from the mouth. Oil pulling is an ancient Ayurvedic technique from India where you take a pure and natural oil of your choice and swish it around in your mouth for 20 minutes every day. There is nothing that can replace flossing, but as an add on practice it is unique. When the oil gets thin enough to fit between the spaces in your teeth it acts as a form of flossing. It can be especially helpful for people that experience teeth crowding. The best oils to use are organic coconut oil and organic sesame oil because of their antibacterial properties. If you can’t do 20 minutes aim for 10 minutes at first and use a tablespoon. Brush your teeth first in the morning and then oil pull while you do your morning prayers, do your morning stretch, shower, make breakfast, or walk the dog. The time goes by fast. Spit the oil in the trash can because you don’t want the oil clogging up the drains. I was experiencing a huge amount of pain before oil pulling. When I started practicing oil pulling I noticed a huge difference. I was keeping the area with the chipped tooth molar free from food debris. The pain went from 90%-15%. I do not think it is a permanent solution to tooth pain or a preventative measure but I do think it can help tremendously if you need to wait before you get teeth work done. A Natural Dentist I changed my dentist to a natural dentist that was closer to my home. They squeezed my appointment in after I begged them. When I went to see them I had a lot of questions. Could they use Biomimetic Dentistry on my tooth as an alternative to root canal? Was their really an alternative to this “invasive” treatment to restore full function to the tooth? I got a second opinion from the natural dentist on the root canal procedure and asked them if I could use biomimetic dentistry to heal the tooth. They said I could not because the hole was too big. The natural dentist I went to was natural because they don’t use fluoride unless you request it, they are knowledgeable about natural forms of dentistry, their x-rays are low radiation and digital, and they have much stricter standards for their materials and equipment overall. A Second Opinion on Root Canal I was really disappointed when they told me their was nothing that could be done besides root canal. I only had enough money to pay for the wisdom teeth removal so I went forward in that process. I am still trusting God for the rest of the money for the root canal or any alternative that would suddenly become available. To donate : https://funds.gofundme.com/dashboard/root-canal-for-tatiana039s-molar/ I.V. Sedation There are all sorts of ways to not feel pain during the surgery. Some people choose to be completely under in a medically induced coma or be completely awake using gas. The natural dentist I chose offered I.V. sedation. To be sedated in my case I would still be awake during the procedure but I wouldn’t remember the procedure (so I thought) and I would be very drowsy. I remembered everything during my I.V. sedation. I remember the dentist sticking an I.V. needle in my right arm and talking to me about being vegetarian. The dentist talked to me about my maltipoo dog named Malibu. I remember the prick of the needle and the sensation in my blood. It felt like I had my monthly cycle in my arm. I didn’t want to see the types of tools they were using on my mouth to yank out the teeth so I chose to close my eyes. I didn’t feel anything because they numbed the area. I remember hearing the sound of my mothers voice as she left to the store to pick up some pain medication suggested by my dentist (which I never took because I’m a naturalista). “All right Tatiana, you are all done. What is your name?” Says the Oral Surgeon. “Tatiana”. “What day is it?” “*blank stares*” “You have to be able to tell me what day it is before I let you leave. What day is it?” He persisted. “*thinking*….Thursday” I say eager to see my mother and not feeling my lips or tongue. The dental assistant helped me up and lead me to the chair in the waiting office. I signaled to her that I needed a chapstick bust she never got me one. There were some in the waiting room, but I was not sure if they were free or not. The dental receptionist told me that my mom was on her way. I could not move my mouth so I gave her a thumbs up. After Wisdom Teeth Removal When she came back they told my mother that they could not save my teeth that I requested to keep. It was a biohazard for them to let me keep them. As we left the parking lot I jokingly shook my first at the window as if to say, “How dare you keep my wisdom teeth and do this to me!” But I always shake my first so that’s normal for me. My mom helped me up the stairs at home and I still couldn't feel my face. I had gauze in my mouth. I signaled and wrote to her for whatever I wanted to do, eat, and drink. I cried a lot and my emotions became heightened. I texted some of my friends and family what was happening and how much pain I felt. The pain got worse as the numbness wore off. I took a nap for an hour which felt like 10 minutes and I couldn't watch tv or hear any loud noises for a while because of the migraine headache I was experiencing. I cried because I was in pain and I felt like I couldn't sleep it off because it was too distracting. As the day went on the headache went down and I was able to distract myself with movies and tv shows. I ate acai bowls, smoothies, pureed beans, low sugar vegan ice cream, and applesauce with almond butter. I drank plenty of alkaline water and had taken arnica pellets. Mom made a chart on a dry erase board of when I should take my next dose of antibiotics, eat, salt-water rinse and drink water. There was a lot of blood that came out of my mouth. At one point I thought my dissolvable stitches came out because a piece of my gums was hanging loose. Eventually it just came off. My mom bought me a tiny pink whale with bulging glitter eyes which I stared at throughout the day. I am grateful that she took care of me. The Recovery Process Throughout my time at home I drew pictures for curlydolltati.com, watched movies and tv shows, and browsed on social media. When I came in for work on Monday I still felt a lot of pain in my gums. I couldn’t open one side of my mouth all the way and my day job requires a lot of talking. I was not allowed to drink out of a straw or lift anything heavy. Eventually after forcing myself to talk and laughing at my coworkers jokes I strengthened my jaw muscles so I could talk like normal the next day. Random sharp pains were felt underneath my tongue. I still feel them. Right now I am avoiding sugary foods and hard snacks. If I do have something sweet I brush my teeth right after to avoid it sitting on my teeth for long. I also remove the debris from the holes that are healing up with my flossing toothbrush. I keep another toothbrush, toothpaste, and dental floss at work and in my purse so I can brush after meals. I have to make sure I drink plenty of water to avoid getting dry sockets which can be uncomfortable and painful. I don’t have them. Having my wisdom teeth removed became a huge relief when it was done. I had a lot of pain after the procedure but I felt much better afterwards. My Follow Up Appointment and Teeth Cleaning For my follow up dental appointment I had a teeth cleaning. If felt good to have my teeth powerwashed. If felt like a gum massage. It only hurt for a second behind my bottom teeth when they used the scraper. My teeth looked polished. They also did laser bacteria removal on my gums to help the holes from the extractions heal faster. I do notice a difference because the holes look smaller now and that was 4 days ago since writing about it. I floss every day now and it is much easier. The dentist says I can go back to oil pulling in 2 weeks so I am looking forward to that. I am also avoiding caffeine from my beloved matcha green tea so it won’t stimulate the nerve in my tooth until I can save for root canal. Having a functional and beautiful smile is necessary. Now I realize the weight of the different problems people struggle with when it comes to their teeth. Most of us need our smiles in tact to feel happy and confident. Having a beautiful smile might just get a person their job, attract a person their love and friends, create an atmosphere of professionalism, and let people know their financial status. Having a functional and beautiful smile means you have the freedom to eat what you choose and smile without criticism. Nutrition is very important for us to maintain our smiles. If we eat a ton of sugar we forfeit our right to choose and let the dentist choose for us. A lot of invasive procedures and treatments could be prevented if we stay awake, aware, and if we have the mentality to maintain the blessing that we already have without judgement of another. Just Smile:) To help me get a root canal and stop the pain: https://funds.gofundme.com/dashboard/root-canal-for-tatiana039s-molar/ |
Author & IllustratorHi, I'm CurlyDollTati! Nice for you to join me. I am an illustrator from Southern California. My love for illustration was encouraged by many throughout my life. I was especially encouraged by my single mother who's nickname is Dolly. Growing up I had a love for fashion illustration. CurlyDollTati is a representation of me...Tatiana..and the vision that I have to create a world of diversity in art. Here all races of women can come together to celebrate what makes us unique. We can uplift each other. I can share my art, my experiences, and your story too. Email me at [email protected] Archives
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