 It's me again. It's been a year for the books. I am closer than ever to being in an official relationship. It feels good to know that a man is there for me. Not only is a man there for me, but someone who is consistent, trustworthy, kind, and smart. He knows me and I know him. It's like we've met before. To think that in the beginning of the year, I was confused on which direction to take. God has never failed me. I see it all so clearly why it never worked with other men. I think this blog is about to get a bit more interesting. Stay tuned.
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 Lovely Personality Having a lovely personality is what I desire. My sense of style is unmatched. I treat people kind. Sometimes I see people that look different than me that act crazy. I avoid violence at all costs. I want to keep everyone safe. Everyone who acts crazy or seems lost can be changed. If peoples differences are not violent I don't have to change them. They still deserve the same water and air as me. Everyone that looks crazy to me has a special purpose. They can be a new person. Everyone deserves to be here. Everyone is deserving of grace. I walk away from situations that make me angry. My love pours out for people unconditionally. Not everyone deserves my time. I walk in purity. Not every nice thing I do needs an audience or my peers approval. I know I can never walk in your shoes, but if you are near me I will be a comfort to you.  You Deserve More
Your value is greater than silver, gold, or platinum. Your value is greater than a 1 billion dollar mansion. A lot of kids have dreams growing up. They think that they will be in a career by a certain time as an adult. They get to adulthood and their situation may change. Sometimes people realize their dreams are harder to reach than they once seemed. They realize this when they graduate high school or when they graduate college with student loans. They might even realize that happiness from their chosen career is harder to come by after they have already settled in. There is always a constant pursuit of happiness. Sometimes people get to where they want to be and they realize that they want more or that they are bored of what they are doing. Sometimes a dream is not God’s plan and God’s purpose for you. Maybe you are supposed to be somewhere at a specific point in time. At a specific date you may be the one to tell somebody something that will be life-altering for them. It’s not just you in the world even if you feel alone. There are a lot of other factors involved. There are a lot of other people involved in your life whether you know it or not. You are an influence on people whether you know them or not. You could feel like you are only an innocent bystander and a Superwoman looked at you before she save the day. You saved our day. Don’t settle in a job that you are not happy and fulfilled in. Push yourself to your limit. When God says go you go. Hunger ain’t nuting but a ting. Travel ain’t nothing but your pinky ring. Sweat is a minor detour. Tangles make you explore. If there are no friends in your life get it together girl. Be a friend to somebody and don’t be shy about it. Do not be ashamed. Try saying “I deserve more. I deserve my freedom and I deserve to live in my purpose. I deserve to be happy.” The only way you truly deserve these things is if you treat people right with respect and regard. For your conscience to be clear you need to give your sins to the Lord completely and wholeheartedly. Know that you are forgiven and loved. You are indeed blessed. When you come into your blessing people will look at you and they’ll ask themselves “How did she get to deserve that and how is it possible that she was able to find true happiness?” They will look for your smile and not your material possessions if they are wise. Only the individual person whether they are a celebrity or not knows if they are truly happy. You deserve more. Create a vision board. Paste pictures that you like and inspirational sayings that make you dream. If you see it every day eventually it will become your reality if you are open to receiving from God. The dreams that you are forming make you push forward. The happiness you picture to have in your life is attainable. Don't get it twisted. Joy comes from the Lord.  Go and Create A Life For Yourself
I am going out in that freezing cold rain and I am going to create a life for myself. Don’t Let The Rain Make You Stay Inside. This is your time to regroup. This is your time to take advantage of your time. If you feel stuck, find another way. Find another outlet. If you are going through getting stranded somewhere away from home don’t feel alone. There are many women who have gone through this before you. If you don’t have an example, I am one of them. Stranded in the Country I remember when I didn’t have a car and I was staying in a room at my aunts house in the country. I was not used to living in the country where everything was so far away. It seemed like it would take an hour just to walk to the grocery store. Twenty minutes to drive. I didn’t have a date of when my life would change. I didn’t have money that I could depend on coming in. I didn’t have a job or much experience working. I applied myself. My aunt had a bucket of pink paint that she never got to paint on the walls since Grandma went to Heaven. Grandma was supposed to stay in that tiny bedroom with the flower wallpaper. I asked my aunt if I could finish painting the walls and she said yes. It took me a few days and suddenly I had motivation. The color therapy was good for my brain. It was bright and cheery. I took that saying from Nike, “Just Do It” and I wrote it on a large piece of paper. I looked at it everyday to have a reason to push through the feeling of being stranded and the loss of direction. Suddenly everything that I wanted to do felt like it was possible if I just continued to work towards it. Before this I had created my website culydolltati.com and I continued to post drawings. I didn’t have internet at the time so my aunt drove me to the library and I posted on my blog there. I did have a scanner and a cellphone. On my old laptop from high school I didn’t have a professional version of Photoshop, but I had Photoshop Elements which was all I needed to get started. I always thought to myself all I need are the bare necessities for my equipment. I found beauty in the people around me and took my inspiration off of my experiences and country life. When you’re out there stranded in the peace and beauty of nature, you really get a chance to clear your mind. I knew that the goals and aspirations that I have were no match for country life so I had to move. I just didn’t know how I was going to get a job with limited access to transportation. Creativity Directed It would rain all the time where I was living. The weather made me feel even more stranded but I enjoyed my times of peace. I could hear crickets, frogs, and birds chirping. I could see fireflies, rainbows, and bunnies hopping. I could observe bees and spiders working. I could see the tomatoes my aunt planted sprouting. These things were all moving forward and I had to as well. It was inevitable. I couldn’t stay there for long. It may have been slow country life, but things would soon develop and if I had stayed where I was at who knows how south things would have gone. There’s nothing like a hard and direct answer from God. Do I do this or do I do that? This website has been a form of self expression for me and has given me a clear goal for my life of what tangible steps I can take. For that, I am grateful that God gave me this idea and these talents. For people who have little, I highly recommend that they start a business or create something with what they have. With the technology we have today it can be even easier for people to market themselves and their businesses. Don’t have an idea? Start with your own talents or skills. If college seems like it’s a tangible goal, then by all means go to college! Go to college especially if you and your family can afford it. If you can’t afford it, the hourly workforce isn’t the only place you should be spending your time if you aspire for more. God Sets Me Up For Answers My old laptop crashed. I could no longer edit drawings and post them on my own. It was much more difficult to get art to perfection and to become digitally ready with my usual short time frame. It was very upsetting, but I knew it was not the end of my business. God made it clear that I would just need to get a job to afford to buy another laptop. I needed to be able to afford food and clothing. I had another aunt that lived an hour away that I would soon stay with. If I had not asked I would have not received. I found work within a couple months and was able to get rides with her. I also got rides from coworkers. I am grateful for that help that I received during that time. Previously I had applied for so many jobs in the former state that I was living and even had a couple interviews. I didn’t have any successful call backs. I thought that I would never find a job and that I was unhirable. During my waiting period I decided I was going to volunteer at church. I served food at a church wedding. I was a model at a hair show that my aunt was involved in. From that, I built my resume. My cousin gave me a pants suit that my aunt made fit on me. It was still too big for me, but I used that to go on my interview. I thought of applying for a job at a grocery store because my former high school boyfriend worked at a grocery store and so did my crush. It would be a perfect first job. I walked into what would become my first job and realized that there was an equal ratio of Brown skinned to Caucasian people working there. Since I was a brown woman, I had a higher chance of getting hired. If at least one of the people that had the power of hiring me could see my need for a job and willingness to work for it, my mission would be accomplished. With little job experience you need to find people who are willing to have faith in you. I also saw a Distraction, a Best friend, and Laughter among other things on day one. The people I met there I would call my coworkers, my friends, and people that God sent to help along the way. God had a bigger plan for my life that He would reveal to me six months later. I could not take anyone with me although I would fantasize about the people I loved coming with me. Anyone who would survive the impact from my next move would remain within my cellphone monitor and only would be admitted to appear every now and then. Me Walking By Faith God prepared my life and set it up so that I could find my first job and move from the country to California after working there six months. With my mother we looked for a place to transfer my job. With our faith in God, we looked forward to the future. Our place to lay our heads and call our home, came in due time. My strandedness and uncertainty changed. I went from being motivated by the pink walls and the Just Do It logo to sadness because of my computer crashing. I then gained my reason to push through. I found success. With Gods help I am able to live. God gave me life and now I am able to create a life by making my contribution to the world. I am going out in that freezing cold rain and I am going to create a life for myself. No matter what the weather is, I can find a space in the midst of the storm where I can grow. I can find my air bubble. It may take time and nurturing. When you have a feeling that you are not supposed to be where you are at there is nothing that can stop you from growing when you keep resting your eyes on your goal and walking in the direction God has planned for your life.  I went home after I cried. I tucked in my tears. I slipped on a white dress with gold trim. I walked outside and became the sunshine. I hand picked the flowers that I loved. I left the ones that loved me. I’m on a mission and the whole world has to see.  Give to the flowers so the flowers can give to you...to us.  "Your first task is to be comfortable right in the middle of uncertainty. You have one guarantee and that is change." |
Author & IllustratorHi, I'm CurlyDollTati! Nice for you to join me. I am an illustrator from Southern California. My love for illustration was encouraged by many throughout my life. I was especially encouraged by my single mother who's nickname is Dolly. Growing up I had a love for fashion illustration. CurlyDollTati is a representation of me...Tatiana..and the vision that I have to create a world of diversity in art. Here all races of women can come together to celebrate what makes us unique. We can uplift each other. I can share my art, my experiences, and your story too. Email me at [email protected] Archives
September 2023
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