Category: Indecisiveness

CurlyDollTati #161

8/19/2018

You Deserve More
Your value is greater than silver, gold, or platinum. Your value is greater than a 1 billion dollar mansion. A lot of kids have dreams growing up. They think that they will be in a career by a certain time as an adult. They get to adulthood and their situation may change. Sometimes people realize their dreams are harder to reach than they once seemed. They realize this when they graduate high school or when they graduate college with student loans. They might even realize that happiness from their chosen career is harder to come by after they have already settled in. There is always a constant pursuit of happiness. Sometimes people get to where they want to be and they realize that they want more or that they are bored of what they are doing. Sometimes a dream is not God’s plan and God’s purpose for you. Maybe you are supposed to be somewhere at a specific point in time. At a specific date you may be the one to tell somebody something that will be life-altering for them. It’s not just you in the world even if you feel alone. There are a lot of other factors involved. There are a lot of other people involved in your life whether you know it or not. You are an influence on people whether you know them or not. You could feel like you are only an innocent bystander and a Superwoman looked at you before she save the day. You saved our day.
Don’t settle in a job that you are not happy and fulfilled in. Push yourself to your limit. When God says go you go. Hunger ain’t nuting but a ting. Travel ain’t nothing but your pinky ring. Sweat is a minor detour. Tangles make you explore. If there are no friends in your life get it together girl. Be a friend to somebody and don’t be shy about it. Do not be ashamed. Try saying “I deserve more. I deserve my freedom and I deserve to live in my purpose. I deserve to be happy.” The only way you truly deserve these things is if you treat people right with respect and regard. For your conscience to be clear you need to give your sins to the Lord completely and wholeheartedly. Know that you are forgiven and loved. You are indeed blessed.
When you come into your blessing people will look at you and they’ll ask themselves “How did she get to deserve that and how is it possible that she was able to find true happiness?” They will look for your smile and not your material possessions if they are wise. Only the individual person whether they are a celebrity or not knows if they are truly happy. You deserve more. Create a vision board. Paste pictures that you like and inspirational sayings that make you dream. If you see it every day eventually it will become your reality if you are open to receiving from God. The dreams that you are forming make you push forward. The happiness you picture to have in your life is attainable. Don't get it twisted. Joy comes from the Lord.

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CurlyDollTati #157

7/20/2018

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Go and Create A Life For Yourself
I am going out in that freezing cold rain and I am going to create a life for myself. Don’t Let The Rain Make You Stay Inside. This is your time to regroup. This is your time to take advantage of your time. If you feel stuck, find another way. Find another outlet. If you are going through getting stranded somewhere away from home don’t feel alone. There are many women who have gone through this before you. If you don’t have an example, I am one of them.

Stranded in the Country
I remember when I didn’t have a car and I was staying in a room at my aunts house in the country. I was not used to living in the country where everything was so far away. It seemed like it would take an hour just to walk to the grocery store. Twenty minutes to drive. I didn’t have a date of when my life would change. I didn’t have money that I could depend on coming in. I didn’t have a job or much experience working. I applied myself. My aunt had a bucket of pink paint that she never got to paint on the walls since Grandma went to Heaven. Grandma was supposed to stay in that tiny bedroom with the flower wallpaper. I asked my aunt if I could finish painting the walls and she said yes. It took me a few days and suddenly I had motivation. The color therapy was good for my brain. It was bright and cheery. I took that saying from Nike, “Just Do It” and I wrote it on a large piece of paper. I looked at it everyday to have a reason to push through the feeling of being stranded and the loss of direction. Suddenly everything that I wanted to do felt like it was possible if I just continued to work towards it. Before this I had created my website culydolltati.com and I continued to post drawings. I didn’t have internet at the time so my aunt drove me to the library and I posted on my blog there. I did have a scanner and a cellphone. On my old laptop from high school I didn’t have a professional version of Photoshop, but I had Photoshop Elements which was all I needed to get started. I always thought to myself all I need are the bare necessities for my equipment. I found beauty in the people around me and took my inspiration off of my experiences and country life. When you’re out there stranded in the peace and beauty of nature, you really get a chance to clear your mind. I knew that the goals and aspirations that I have were no match for country life so I had to move. I just didn’t know how I was going to get a job with limited access to transportation.

Creativity Directed

It would rain all the time where I was living. The weather made me feel even more stranded but I enjoyed my times of peace. I could hear crickets, frogs, and birds chirping. I could see fireflies, rainbows, and bunnies hopping. I could observe bees and spiders working. I could see the tomatoes my aunt planted sprouting. These things were all moving forward and I had to as well. It was inevitable. I couldn’t stay there for long. It may have been slow country life, but things would soon develop and if I had stayed where I was at who knows how south things would have gone. There’s nothing like a hard and direct answer from God. Do I do this or do I do that? This website has been a form of self expression for me and has given me a clear goal for my life of what tangible steps I can take. For that, I am grateful that God gave me this idea and these talents. For people who have little, I highly recommend that they start a business or create something with what they have. With the technology we have today it can be even easier for people to market themselves and their businesses. Don’t have an idea? Start with your own talents or skills. If college seems like it’s a tangible goal, then by all means go to college! Go to college especially if you and your family can afford it. If you can’t afford it, the hourly workforce isn’t the only place you should be spending your time if you aspire for more.

God Sets Me Up For Answers

My old laptop crashed. I could no longer edit drawings and post them on my own. It was much more difficult to get art to perfection and to become digitally ready with my usual short time frame. It was very upsetting, but I knew it was not the end of my business. God made it clear that I would just need to get a job to afford to buy another laptop. I needed to be able to afford food and clothing. I had another aunt that lived an hour away that I would soon stay with. If I had not asked I would have not received. I found work within a couple months and was able to get rides with her. I also got rides from coworkers. I am grateful for that help that I received during that time. Previously I had applied for so many jobs in the former state that I was living and even had a couple interviews. I didn’t have any successful call backs. I thought that I would never find a job and that I was unhirable. During my waiting period I decided I was going to volunteer at church. I served food at a church wedding. I was a model at a hair show that my aunt was involved in. From that, I built my resume. My cousin gave me a pants suit that my aunt made fit on me. It was still too big for me, but I used that to go on my interview. I thought of applying for a job at a grocery store because my former high school boyfriend worked at a grocery store and so did my crush. It would be a perfect first job. I walked into what would become my first job and realized that there was an equal ratio of Brown skinned to Caucasian people working there. Since I was a brown woman, I had a higher chance of getting hired. If at least one of the people that had the power of hiring me could see my need for a job and willingness to work for it, my mission would be accomplished. With little job experience you need to find people who are willing to have faith in you. I also saw a Distraction, a Best friend, and Laughter among other things on day one. The people I met there I would call my coworkers, my friends, and people that God sent to help along the way. God had a bigger plan for my life that He would reveal to me six months later. I could not take anyone with me although I would fantasize about the people I loved coming with me. Anyone who would survive the impact from my next move would remain within my cellphone monitor and only would be admitted to appear every now and then.
Me Walking By Faith
God prepared my life and set it up so that I could find my first job and move from the country to California after working there six months. With my mother we looked for a place to transfer my job. With our faith in God, we looked forward to the future. Our place to lay our heads and call our home, came in due time. My strandedness and uncertainty changed. I went from being motivated by the pink walls and the Just Do It logo to sadness because of my computer crashing. I then gained my reason to push through. I found success. With Gods help I am able to live. God gave me life and now I am able to create a life by making my contribution to the world.

I am going out in that freezing cold rain and I am going to create a life for myself. No matter what the weather is, I can find a space in the midst of the storm where I can grow. I can find my air bubble. It may take time and nurturing. When you have a feeling that you are not supposed to be where you are at there is nothing that can stop you from growing when you keep resting your eyes on your goal and walking in the direction God has planned for your life.

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CurlyDollTati #156

7/13/2018

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You’re Not Ready For My Heart
Most people are not ready to handle each others hearts. When a man is walking fully in the light of Christ he is able to lead other people. That means that God will give him enough strength to resist temptation and stand strong in Gods word. A man like this will not lie to you or anyone. He will be a light in his community no matter if he’s just with you, with friends, or with strangers. A man that is ready for your heart will not test your boundaries or be selfish. A man that is ready for your heart will pray for you and himself and he will be so careful to not lead you astray by promising a future with you before the time is right.
To be a strong woman in Christ means realizing that you have so much potential and you are Gods daughter. You must be so careful to not tempt the men to fall into sin like Eve did to Adam in Genesis. Do not awaken love before the time is right because then you can forfeit the perfect blessing that God has for you. How do we do this? It can be so difficult to keep from spilling your heart and inner thoughts to the people you love. Your physical need to be affectionate takes over when you really love someone because we are human. Why even let this happen when your gift of pleasure should be saved to be experienced with your husband? You can control your own body and your own mind. I would say, one of the best ways to avoid falling into lust is to not chase men. It is the mans job to choose and pursue a woman. It is a womans job to accept or decline and slow down the pace. Give him only what he should have to better himself and it is not your body that he should have if you are not married. You should just be friends with men until courtship to be married. Why should a man give everything he has to a woman who changes her mind? Why weaken the spirit of a man who was not yours to begin with? Why should you be spiritually tied to one man when he has no intentions of marrying you? Do you want an exclusive relationship because of the material and physical benefits? Are you hooked to the thought of having your partner all to yourself? You are a Queen! You are worth the extra effort to the man that you are supposed to be with. Time and distance cannot separate you both. You should not sell yourself short. And if you believe this too, and you never meet the love of your life, remember that this world we are given is a blessing. This life is a blessing, but it is only temporary. The fruits are to enjoy while we are here, but your purpose is even grander than your relationship status or how many children you are blessed with. Even your dream house is no comparison to the plans God has for you.

For the girls that think their ethnic background, complexion, body shape, modesty, hair texture, religion, or job determines whether they will find love and happiness or not, please do not believe the lies that are not of God. You may be in your feelings and in your head right now and not think you are worth love to the men you love because of societies norms. Do not give up hope and faith no matter how many years you have lived. Value your mind, soul and your body. Value how you treat people and the love that is hard to show at times. You will be rewarded in Heaven for the strong character that you continue to show when you could have given up. Trust in the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you.
Sometimes couples realize they are supposed to be together before they mature spiritually. This is fine, but what if you become more spiritually mature than your partner? What if he becomes more spiritually mature than you? Do not come in between a mans relationship with God. That is not our place as women. Our place is to lift our leaders up and be a source of light and encouragement. We should better the lives of our men and not be a burden to them. If you sense yourself falling for this trap of not loving or committing fully to someone you should show them what real love looks like. Either love fully and completely or cut emotional bondage soul ties. Love grows over time. This is true. But what does lust grow into? Selfishness, depression, anxiety, indecisive behaviors, suicidal thoughts, and loneliness.
We should be so careful to build our relationships with people on a firm foundation. People never forget how we made them feel in the past. If you are too busy thinking about yourself and your future, you won’t realize all the damage you can cause to another person because you were too emotional and too blind to see the bigger picture.
God gave us the gift of marriage so that we can grow His church. Two people who are strong in faith are better together than apart. The road to marriage is not meant to be a selfish one filled with lust. True love is unconditional. Love is not flighty. One week we “love” one man and the next week we are “in love” with another man. We should focused on saving our marriage lifestyle for “the one” who we can build a firm foundation with. If you need to work on yourself before joining together with another person there is nothing wrong with that. God didn’t give us a spirit of fear. We should not fear that we won’t become accustomed to societal norms of starting a family, getting married, and buying a house at age 25-35. God doesn’t work in our time frame but in His. In His purpose. We should think about the bigger picture of why we are here on this planet when choosing a mate. If your love doesn’t prove him or herself as understanding about deeper topics than food and taking notes in the church outline you must decide on what terms you will continue to be with that person. If you are in need for something deeper show the true love that you wish to feel. Study the word of God. Connect with like minded people but do not leave your husband or wife in their time of need. If you are not married, you are single. You are not tied to another person and if you think you are tied it is all in your own head. Do not be irresponsible by breaking a heart. Take responsibility for your decisions, but in everything that you do, do it coming from a place of love and compassion. It is not right for you to keep yourself from progress. By keeping yourself from progress, you are keeping them from progress as well. You can never keep God from progress, but God can forcibly divide what He has not joined together. A true union is blessed and has a firm foundation. Ladies ask yourself if the man you have accepted is truly ready to handle something as precious and as valuable as your heart. And Fellas, ask yourself if the love of your life is truly ready to give her whole heart to better you.

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