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 Topic: Why Should I Care About Chivalry?
To talk about chivalry first we have to define chivalry. Chivalry ties into traditional romantic values on how a man should treat the one that he loves. I went on dictionary.com and looked up the definition after I defined it myself. “Chivalry-the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms. “ I also looked it up on vocabulary.com “Men behaving courteously toward women-holding the door for them, offering them their jackets when it’s cold-is called chivalry. Many women consider chivalry a lost art.” 1.) “the medieval principles governing knighthood ad knightly conduct.” 2.) courtesy towards women Valor -“Honor plus dignity. It’s gallant bravery and strength, especially on the battlefield or in the face of danger.” “strength, moral worth, courage.” Dexterity in Arms-“Mental dexterity means a sharpness of mind, or skill in thinking creatively and understanding and expressing something quickly and easily.” Why do we consider it a lost art? From my viewpoint times have changed tremendously. Women are going overboard giving all of themselves too quickly to men that change their minds. Just check out the song “Fifteen” by Taylor Swift. A man shows just a little interest and since the man is really attractive to the woman and seems like he’s got it all together on the outside she thinks that he is “the one”. I am not saying that physical appearance doesn’t matter. It does. I’m saying that it is important to first see the physical, like it, and then dig deeper to find how he values you and treats other people. The Age of Feminism Women keep saying that “we can do everything ourselves and we can do it better.” Well, there are certain things that men typically have more mastery, skill, and patience for. There are certain things that a woman has more of a skill and patience for naturally and biologically. That doesn’t mean that we can’t do it ourselves or do both. It just may be that they are better and more excited about it. For example, construction work, fixing cars, football, fighting etc. It takes a unique sort of woman to want to do these things and be skilled in it. There is nothing wrong with being skilled in these things as a woman. By all means, do what you love. But when it comes time to wanting to have a husband, you need to show him that you need him. Look on the flip side of the coin. How would it feel to you if the man you loved didn’t need you for anything? Where would your position be in the relationship? How would he value you? How would you establish your worth? Find out how your man or your potential mate feels about feminism and tell him your ideas on it. See if feministic views have a place in your relationship and how you both are expected to be treated. I know you can open your car door yourself, but why should you do it if it’s your mans opportunity to show you that he loves you? Dating to marry is about giving to each other within reason and within safety limits. Don’t allow him to put you in what feels like danger to you for the sake of equality in the relationship. You know your limits. Allow men to be men and there is nothing wrong to feel like a woman sometimes. Why This is Necessary for Nesting, Mating, and Marriage There are two other words that were part of the definition of chivalry. One was courtesy. Courtesy: Excellence of manners or social conduct; polite behavior This should be a no brainer but a man without manners is a loose canon. Manners are instilled in children. If he hasn’t gotten it by now it’s unlikely that you can change him. You can train him for what you like but you cannot change him. True love softens the heart. How many of us can say we are truly in love? Some of us only hope. Love is dead without action. Common courtesy is respectable. Think about the purpose of marriage. It is not only for yourself and your own needs but to show to others an example of what love is. Jesus gave of Himself on the cross for our sins so that later when we have accepted Him we can be married to Him. While we are on the earth we love as an example of Christs love for us. The most valuable, genuine, and unbreakable covenant on the earth is the oath when we say “I do.” The other definition of chivalry was generosity. Generosity: Readiness or liberality in giving If your soon to be husband is not generous what is the point of that? What can he contribute to the relationship? Love is about giving mentally and physically. And when I say physically I’m not talking about your body. There is a place for that in marriage. What about giving with faith that you will receive your blessing later? Giving without the intention to get. That is being a loving person. You can be a loving person yourself and still test your partner to see if he is giving as well. Just because he does not give to you doesn’t mean that he’s not a giving person. The love may not have grown enough. Pace yourself Ladies. Let him unlock your gifts at a slow pace. How Can We Bring It Back It is nobodies fault that chivalry seems like it’s dead. We are accountable to set our pace and our plans from the beginning of a relationship. It’s not our jobs to raise men, because he should have already been taught. If your man is not chivalrous do yourself a favor and love yourself enough to require that of him. Be open enough and brave enough to talk about it. If he loves you he will humble himself and stay for the love of you. He needs to want to make you happy. He needs to want to please you. If he doesn’t love you then he will leave. Why do you need to stay with someone that can’t do a simple task of opening the door for you? If he is afraid of how it looks to other people and he’s trying to “please the boys” he will prioritize “the boys” over you. If he is not doing it because he’s afraid to give into you, you may not be enough Proverbs 31 woman for him. He may still have resistance because he is traumatized by someone from his past that mistreated him. But you are different right? It takes 1 minute more to open up the door for you. All of those minutes add up and you are worth the extra time because you have value. If you are going to treat your man like a King he’d better treat you like a Queen. If you consider yourself to be a Queen, act like one. Do not settle to be treated as anything less. Know your worth and your value. If you treat men badly you are undeserving. Love him and yourself enough to change. If you are a man reading this also note: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love your Enemies “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:43-44  Why Can’t You Just Notice Me? Have you ever binged social media? You stay online for hours in hopes to get a reaction out of someone from your most recent post. You stay online in hopes that one of your friends or followers will send you a message. It’s like waiting by the telephone in the 90’s just hoping that someone will invite you out with them. As the waiting gets longer the feeling for validation through a “heart” or “like” gets even more intense. You start to take selfies now, but you didn’t get that dressed up today so now you feel like you’re not beautiful because the camera lies to you. You go in your closet and rip your clothes off the hangers trying everything on and nothing seems to fit right. You find that one top that shows a little extra and those jeans that fit snug. You look in the mirror and say “I look cute.” You start taking photos that you shouldn’t be taking. “Oh my gosh. If my crush would just notice me! If only my photo would go viral. Then I would never need to clock in or go to school. I never have any time for me anymore.” You’ve created an atmosphere of being alone and now you just don’t have anyone to notice you because you’re almost invisible. You’re only seen when you go to work or school. Why are you searching for other people to validate you through a computer? You want people to notice you because you think it will bring you riches, popularity, and love. Riches. You want people to notice you because you think it will bring you riches. Know that riches don’t mean everything. God wants your finances to be blessed because with a giving heart He knows that you will do good things on the earth. He wants you to be a light for all people to see when you do good deeds. A lot of people want wealth because of the freedom that it brings. Money buys them things that they can use to enjoy their life. It’s okay to spend money on yourself when you are rich, but it’s not okay to overindulge and be selfish with your money. It’s not okay to waste money. God can easily take your money away at any time. If you ask why people stay rich while they are wasteful with their finances just know that they are not rich in wisdom. God has a plan. It is not a revengeful one because God is a good Father. It is a plan that works out for the good of the world. It is a plan to get the people who are open to His word and His plan saved. If you don’t have riches or maybe you don’t even have a dollar to spare, don’t be discouraged. Stay encouraged. It is a time to be wise and creative with your money. Growing up I did not have a lot of money to spend on toys, popular brands of clothing, and quality food. I learned to only buy what I would use and appreciate what I had to play with. I learned to be creative with my outfits. I stitched together old pieces of fabric. I developed confidence to wear them to school. I learned how to compare prices to get the most for my money. It is time for you to grow into the person that God called you to be and develop good character traits like patience, kindness, and a giving spirit. Popularity. Popularity is something that a lot of people strive for because popular people are in the spotlight. You can see them and you get to know famous people through what they display for you on social media. Sometimes a famous person can be molded to look like someone they are not by their manager or even people that don’t like them. Famous people have a lot of people around them constantly to help them maintain an image but they don’t necessarily know who their real friends are. Some people stick around them for the benefits of being around a famous person. They believe that their lives will be leveled up because they know someone that everyone seems to know. Famous people can be popular or not popular. Sometimes famous people are extremely criticized for what they do. A lot of the criticism is meaningless. Sometimes popular people are not famous, but they are well known in their community or have a fan base. Just because a lot of people know them doesn’t mean they are happy. It doesn’t mean that they are loved by those people. It doesn’t mean they feel fulfilled or do good deeds for humanity. Sometimes God will ask a person to do more for the people around them. The one time a popular person feeds the homeless, it is captured on camera for everyone to see. You automatically form an opinion based off of that. Try to form a better opinion on a person by doing your research on the history of their goodness. Jesus Himself left a track record in the Bible of all the good deeds He has done because He knew that to effectively communicate with humans he needed proof and a record. He knew that we would form opinions based off of evidence and for some people, it still wasn’t enough to leave a track record of dying on a cross and rising again for the sins of the world. God wants us to do our good deeds out in the open for everyone to see. If you have an issue with yourself not being popular or famous work on your personal character traits like being generous or a giver. Help people when people are looking and when people are not looking. Fame and popularity is NOT more important than loving God and loving people. Love Love is patience and kindness. Love is putting others needs before your own. Love is favor and grace. Love does not put want first, but it puts giving first. If you want an example of what real love is just look at the story of Jesus. Please do not mistake want and entitlement feelings for love. Don’t mistake chest pains or goosebumps for love. Don’t mistake spiritual bonds or mirroring for love. You will be heavily disappointed when you realize the sharp reality. A lot of people all over the world still don’t understand love. Lack of understanding contributes to divorce and broken hearts. You want your crush to notice you. I get it. Him noticing you will most certainly put you in the running for a love connection. If you are going to marry and are going to stay married you need a bond that is thicker than having sex, having a child, having the same hobbies, liking the same music, or requiring your husband to fill your voids. You need a bond that is thicker than being a “power couple.” You want him to notice you but noticing your curves, hair color, and beautiful eyes before noticing your heart will set the tone for the relationship. It is very difficult to backtrack. A man that is ready to court you will notice your beautiful heart before anything else. You must set the tone to meet him before he comes along. Perhaps you already know him. You must work on your heart first and grow spiritually before you accept an invitation to even awaken love. Do not spend so much time placing how you look before tackling areas of your heart.  "You Are Like A Sister To Me: I loved you from the first time I saw you" Friendship and Sister Soul Ties
Sometimes it’s difficult for me as an adult to find girlfriends. I meet a girl that I think is interesting and cute. We go out for a few friend outings. As I get to know her then the story unravels about who she is as a person and what she stands for. I have compiled a list of friendship deal breakers. Creating value in each others lives is an important aspect of a friendship or sister-bond. People often don’t think of having sister soul ties, but this can effect both sisters in their growth. It is important to remember that relationships are all about trust. Without trust there is a limited friendship. There are a lot of people on this planet and they all need different things. Not everyone is looking for a friend when they meet you. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy of friendship if a connection doesn’t work out. Keep being open to meeting that special friend that you can do life with. Sometimes they are closer than you think. The internal heart matters more than the external appearance. Friendship Deal Breakers There are some deal breakers as to whether I want to continue growing my friendships with women. One big deal breaker is the respect she gives to God and Christians because I am a Christian. It is a deal breaker if she shows any sign of disrespect. Another deal breaker is cancelling all the time. When I set plans, I try really hard not to cancel. The only way I cancel is if I have to work, am sick, or have some sort of transportation issue. There are other reasons I might cancel, like changing my mind about the person altogether. Count on that happening if they are disrespectful towards myself or the people that I associate with. Count on that if they lie or steal. Dishonestly and disloyalty lead to trust issues which create a relationship that is difficult to manage and better off disconnected. Create Value In My Life: Build Friendships I usually like to be around women that create some sort of value in my life. I know that sounds tacky, but its true. If they are a leech, eventually I get drained from being around them. If they provide emotional support, they stay friends with me. If I can’t trust them from the beginning or find out that I can’t trust them, it’s over. I feel like I want to support people for what they are going though. I want to help people. I want to help everyone. I am only human too! I need to be listened to. It needs to be about me sometimes and what I want to do. I want to choose the destination and the book title. When I’m in a friendship often times it is difficult to not put the other person first. I am a giver. There’s no other way that I feel like a loving human. To give is to feel. However, I cannot neglect myself. Friends can create value by being a listening ear, an encourager, and physically making an effort to be there when it matters. Sister Soul Ties It is hard to say no to a sister. I mean, you see them. You love them. You would give the shirt off your back for them. You create that special bond. DNA and blood definitely bridges families together. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being linked to another person who is like me? That is a miracle. I have a real sister. I don’t get to spend much time with her because we’ve always lived far away from each other. But we connect when we are together. At least I feel that we do. Sometimes you can have a sister that is not related to you though. I’ve had my share of fill-in sisters and I still want to strengthen that bond with my sister-friends. When you are closely connected to another person you can create a thing called a soul tie. Being soul tied to another female can be just as helpful or hurtful as being in a romantic relationship. You don’t need romance to be soul tied to another female. You will know you are soul tied when you are emotionally involved. Don’t let your emotions take over for people who don’t bother to give you the support that you deserve. Trust Your Friend To Build Your Relationship or Disconnect If you’ve taken a risk and given your friend the benefit of the doubt that she won’t infect your life with negativity and she did, it is hard to continue. Oftentimes disloyalty happens when you least expect it. Before entrusting your friend with your biggest secrets, trust them with small secrets that won’t ruin what you’ve got going on. See if they can be trustworthy with the small stuff and then build with more sharing if they prove themselves loyal. Often times if we feel the sister bond and connection very early in the relationship we are tempted to entrust them with our whole lives like they are an extension of ourselves. We need to remember that another person is not you and everyone responds differently to situations and knowledge. Forgiveness When does forgiveness matter the most? Forgiveness matters when you have to live with the person or see them on a day to day basis. Even if they live far away forgiveness matters. It is not healthy for you to hold on to old, negative feelings. Even if you forget the person, your unforgiveness will manifest in new relationships by how you respond. Emotional traumas effect how you respond to new people. Emotional traumas can even be transferred through generations to your children through your DNA. Our ancestors have transferred positive and negative energies to us. If we are aware of that we can make conscious decisions to serve each other through love that is pleasing to God. We must not act in a way that we have been conditioned to think is okay through culture, modern society, and family patterns. We need to be more aware of how deeply our decisions to not let go of old feelings can mentally effect us and the others around us. How to Forgive The first step in forgiveness is give it to God. Do not try to take revenge in your own hands. Step two is take a break for yourself. Don’t be around that person consistently. Take the time that you need to heal up. Next step is to show love. If you see that person, greet them with a smile and hold open their door. Buy them a coffee or send them a thank you note. You don’t have to go out of your way to meet up if you are not ready. You can forgive them from a distance by talking about the positive sides about them when they come up in conversation or your thought process. The final step is to pray for them. Ask God for His forgiveness for yourself and ask God to forgive them and reveal to them their mistakes towards you in a loving way for their own growth. Ask God to remove all negative feelings from your consciousness. Next, decide whether their positive traits outweigh their negative ones. If you need to break the ties do so calmly, appropriately, and lovingly. Sometimes relationships are best put on hold until the appropriate time. Sometimes relationships stand the test of time. Be the Friend That You Want to Meet Don’t just wish you had friends and complain that you don’t have them. Go out of your way to connect with people. It is so easy to let your friends find you, but sometimes you need to find your friends. Sometimes if you are an introvert, you need to force yourself to be extroverted in a situation to make a friend. Sometimes you only get one chance to connect with a person. Sometimes you will get multiple chances. Put your best foot forward and dress your best. Start a friendly conversation with positive reinforcement and an invite for tea. Don’t only talk about the weather and force them to follow you on social media. Show them you care for them as a person. Ask them about themselves and listen more than you speak. You never know what first impression you can make on a person that will lead to a lifelong friendship. Friendships are a blessing. Remember to love them.  You’re Not Ready For My Heart
Most people are not ready to handle each others hearts. When a man is walking fully in the light of Christ he is able to lead other people. That means that God will give him enough strength to resist temptation and stand strong in Gods word. A man like this will not lie to you or anyone. He will be a light in his community no matter if he’s just with you, with friends, or with strangers. A man that is ready for your heart will not test your boundaries or be selfish. A man that is ready for your heart will pray for you and himself and he will be so careful to not lead you astray by promising a future with you before the time is right. To be a strong woman in Christ means realizing that you have so much potential and you are Gods daughter. You must be so careful to not tempt the men to fall into sin like Eve did to Adam in Genesis. Do not awaken love before the time is right because then you can forfeit the perfect blessing that God has for you. How do we do this? It can be so difficult to keep from spilling your heart and inner thoughts to the people you love. Your physical need to be affectionate takes over when you really love someone because we are human. Why even let this happen when your gift of pleasure should be saved to be experienced with your husband? You can control your own body and your own mind. I would say, one of the best ways to avoid falling into lust is to not chase men. It is the mans job to choose and pursue a woman. It is a womans job to accept or decline and slow down the pace. Give him only what he should have to better himself and it is not your body that he should have if you are not married. You should just be friends with men until courtship to be married. Why should a man give everything he has to a woman who changes her mind? Why weaken the spirit of a man who was not yours to begin with? Why should you be spiritually tied to one man when he has no intentions of marrying you? Do you want an exclusive relationship because of the material and physical benefits? Are you hooked to the thought of having your partner all to yourself? You are a Queen! You are worth the extra effort to the man that you are supposed to be with. Time and distance cannot separate you both. You should not sell yourself short. And if you believe this too, and you never meet the love of your life, remember that this world we are given is a blessing. This life is a blessing, but it is only temporary. The fruits are to enjoy while we are here, but your purpose is even grander than your relationship status or how many children you are blessed with. Even your dream house is no comparison to the plans God has for you. For the girls that think their ethnic background, complexion, body shape, modesty, hair texture, religion, or job determines whether they will find love and happiness or not, please do not believe the lies that are not of God. You may be in your feelings and in your head right now and not think you are worth love to the men you love because of societies norms. Do not give up hope and faith no matter how many years you have lived. Value your mind, soul and your body. Value how you treat people and the love that is hard to show at times. You will be rewarded in Heaven for the strong character that you continue to show when you could have given up. Trust in the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. Sometimes couples realize they are supposed to be together before they mature spiritually. This is fine, but what if you become more spiritually mature than your partner? What if he becomes more spiritually mature than you? Do not come in between a mans relationship with God. That is not our place as women. Our place is to lift our leaders up and be a source of light and encouragement. We should better the lives of our men and not be a burden to them. If you sense yourself falling for this trap of not loving or committing fully to someone you should show them what real love looks like. Either love fully and completely or cut emotional bondage soul ties. Love grows over time. This is true. But what does lust grow into? Selfishness, depression, anxiety, indecisive behaviors, suicidal thoughts, and loneliness. We should be so careful to build our relationships with people on a firm foundation. People never forget how we made them feel in the past. If you are too busy thinking about yourself and your future, you won’t realize all the damage you can cause to another person because you were too emotional and too blind to see the bigger picture. God gave us the gift of marriage so that we can grow His church. Two people who are strong in faith are better together than apart. The road to marriage is not meant to be a selfish one filled with lust. True love is unconditional. Love is not flighty. One week we “love” one man and the next week we are “in love” with another man. We should focused on saving our marriage lifestyle for “the one” who we can build a firm foundation with. If you need to work on yourself before joining together with another person there is nothing wrong with that. God didn’t give us a spirit of fear. We should not fear that we won’t become accustomed to societal norms of starting a family, getting married, and buying a house at age 25-35. God doesn’t work in our time frame but in His. In His purpose. We should think about the bigger picture of why we are here on this planet when choosing a mate. If your love doesn’t prove him or herself as understanding about deeper topics than food and taking notes in the church outline you must decide on what terms you will continue to be with that person. If you are in need for something deeper show the true love that you wish to feel. Study the word of God. Connect with like minded people but do not leave your husband or wife in their time of need. If you are not married, you are single. You are not tied to another person and if you think you are tied it is all in your own head. Do not be irresponsible by breaking a heart. Take responsibility for your decisions, but in everything that you do, do it coming from a place of love and compassion. It is not right for you to keep yourself from progress. By keeping yourself from progress, you are keeping them from progress as well. You can never keep God from progress, but God can forcibly divide what He has not joined together. A true union is blessed and has a firm foundation. Ladies ask yourself if the man you have accepted is truly ready to handle something as precious and as valuable as your heart. And Fellas, ask yourself if the love of your life is truly ready to give her whole heart to better you.  Care Completely There are those that take on the responsibility to care for and love another human being, but they are not prepared to love them completely. They fall in love at first sight with another person and they become obsessed over them for a while. When the honeymoon phase of their relationship fades, they don't love completely. They love only for a little bit. That little bit is enough to grow into unconditional love, but it is not mature. Love takes repetitive kindness and nurturing. It is very necessary that when you love someone you do not accuse or count the times when you helped them. You should not keep track of the amount of wrongs done to you because that is not real love. Love is sacrifice at the expense of your own well-being. The question remains what are you willing to sacrifice for? Some people sacrifice for animals and some sacrifice for the environment. Some people sacrifice for sports and others for government. Some sacrifice for children and some sacrifice for cars. It is important to know who you are going to remain loyal to. The human race is the most precious gift and to be one and the same with us is by Gods grace. From time began God calls us to love one another. Since God created us in His own image our first calling is to love and serve God. Our second calling is to love and serve people. Our third calling is to love and serve animals, the species that cannot fend for themselves with humans around. Humans have dominion over the animals. Our fourth calling is to love and care for plant species in the environment. We must never love these things more than we love our God. God does not want us to love the world, but to treat it with respect because it is a gift. People are one of the greatest gifts and things should be treated for what they are, replaceable. Peoples souls are not replaceable. You may be wondering what makes us qualified to love and care completely for another. I wish that I could tell you that it was simple and that you should just do it. But since actions are a part of love then it is not so simple. First comes the feeling of love and compassion and caring, but the feeling is not enough for the other party to feel loved or cared for. You must demonstrate your love. Some people think that sex is a demonstration of love, but it is not. Anyone can have sex with any person. Sex is self satisfaction and gratification. It is self pleasure. It is what makes people feel good, but it is only temporary. Love is putting the needs of others before your own needs. Jesus was the perfect example of love when He died on the cross for our sins. We did not deserve His love because we rejected Him and constantly committed sin. We constantly did things that were opposite of love. “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 You say that you have no demonstration of love because your mother or your father did not love you. You may feel like your children or parents are against you and you do not have a best friend. But if you seek God and you see Jesus for who He is then you will know real love. You just need to open your heart and your mind and have faith that God will save you and will love you and take care of you. When you are ready, care completely. Love completely. All the selfish self-gratification should be put aside for the needs of another. Be careful who you choose to love and not quick or you may be at risk to stumble. Make a conscious decision to love and cast out your hurt. At the same time when someone shows that they need love and kindness and you are a witness to this, give it to them. You don’t have to hang out with people you don’t want to be around, but definitely make a conscious effort to show them mercy without the expectation of reward.  He Cannot Lead You If He Does Not Love You: Change The Game
You are asking for the wrong man to lead you Sis. Does this resonate with you? Does he come to mind? If so keep reading. You choose to love him because he has everything in common with you. Everyone says you would be cute together with him or you are cute together. He shows you attention sometimes. He talks to you. He follows you. He seeks thrill, he wants your affection. He speaks harshly to you. He offers you conditional love. He alienates you. He moves your heart. He always wants an ego boost from you. You hold back affection. He keeps coming for you. He seeks out attention from other women that are nowhere near your level. Sis, Don’t give him the attention he doesn’t deserve. He does not earn your love. Act normal. Be calm and in control. You don’t need him being in control of your life. Don’t text him. Don’t try to be friends with him. Don’t let him into your heart. Your only exception should be when he begs for your affection under your terms and conditions. Otherwise, he’s just playing mind games with you and doesn’t want to give you any real love. Don’t you want to have a serious relationship and a real mature love exchange? If you keep letting him play games with you from the beginning of your relationships that is all it will ever be. A game. You think that other girls are making it harder to find good guys because they are lowering their standards and giving him the goods before he buys the cow. But now you are slowly becoming one of them, like a cow to the slaughterhouse. Soon you will be nothing but a hamburger crushed by your crush…And unable to escape the pains of excretion as he uses you for your nutrients and then releases you suddenly and quickly. Be the change that you want to see in the world and God will bless your future in relationships. If you want a real love exchange stay true to yourself and don’t give in to breaking your morals. The cards are in your hands. You have the power and you are stronger than you think. Don’t put yourself in situations that will tempt you. If women and girls all around the world were led by Gods will when they started a relationship with anyone, there would be less heartbreak. Men would step up to the plate of what they are supposed to be doing because now the game would be changed. They would respect and value us more if we set expectations and requirements. Communicate what you need from him. There would be more commitment, standards, and respect in relationships. It is hurt people that hurt people. When you are hurt by someone it is up to you to let it fester up inside you and take your revenge out on another innocent love, or to let it go. You need to let your hurt go Sis. You are only hurting yourself in the process if you keep dwelling on negative vibes. You think you’re his soulmate, but he does not feel the same. I know it is difficult, but if you pay attention to the obvious warning signs as soon as possible it will save you eons of heartache and course correction. A man who does not love you cannot lead you.  Stop Stalking Your Love
Everytime you see them your heart skips a beat. You breathe heavily. Your eyes cannot stop staring at them. When they are around you can sense it with your whole body. You can single out their voice from the crowd behind you. You subcontiously submit to them in every interaction or forcibly do the opposite of how you feel. You look up to them and their actions become your greatest desires. Your heart yearns to be one flesh with them. You have visions of marriage, visions of children, and visions of being together with them. You mirror them whether you like it or not because their spirit becomes your mini god. This is called lust and it is not love at all. When you begin to see yourself with someone and want to be with them in a marriage or romantic relationship put a harness on your feelings. Being Used and Not Chosen It can be very dangerous to have these feelings when a man has not chosen you. You cannot choose a man when he has not chosen you. He may be just messing around with your emotions to accomplish a goal. His goal is not always getting physical with you. It could be feeling popular or using you as a back up plan. There are men in the world that make it a game to have as many female interests and choices as possible. Women are not sneakers, gadgets, or ice cream flavors and you should not allow yourself to be that for any man. If you find yourself following him and stalking him on social media, distract yourself with positive activities and interactions. Find some Curl Friends to hang out with. Remove youself from his view. Find the bigger picture. I’ve Chosen To Love Him So Why Doesn’t He Love Me? Sometimes when you decide in your mind that you love someone it is very hard to stop trying to love them. It means you want to be around that person all the time. If the person is a stranger to you it can be difficult for them to interact with you if they don’t have the same intense feelings about you. It doesn’t mean that they can never love you. It just means that they are not in the position right now to love you. Why? There are several reasons. They could be distracted with another person of interest that they can’t get out of their mind. Just like you, before you came along there was a list of girls or boys that your crush wanted to love. That could mean years of potential investment and you are just meeting them now. It makes them blind to you. You could very well be in the the periferal of their mind as a back up plan in case things don’t work out with the main apple of their eye. They may have a broken heart they are trying to restore. There may be emotional and spiritual healing that they need to deal with before they invite you into their world. There are all sorts of layers of emotions that are felt during a relationship and after one that may just take time to diminish and eventually dissapear. This does not happen over night. Your crush that just came out of a relationship may use you as a rebound or a fill in until their love comes back to them. Be careful how much interest you show to them. Do not interrupt their growth. He could be content with being single. Most people come in the world alone and leave alone. Their days are spent going their own way by themselves. It can be very difficult to give up the freedom of being single and only having to be concered about yourself. If you make it known that you want a relationship, marriage, and children a man might not be ready to talk about that stuff immediatley. You may be feeling like you need to lay it all out there in the begginging to not waste time and you should. Advancing the conversation means that you care about your own needs and don’t want to waste anyones time. Beware of the single guy who has a different person in their bed or social media profile with heart emojies every week. He’s not in the position right now to love you. Love is not all physical. Love Game The more that you call him, text him, stalk him, the less interest he has in you because he knows you will always be there. How do you attract someone who you love? There is no magic trick I can give you to suddenly make love happen for you. All I can say is be in close proximity to your love to qualify you as a candidate for the Big Match Making Game. Do your own thing. There is nothing more attractive than a lady that has a lot of talent, interests, and goals. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Love youself first and he will come. If you are waiting for the day when he’s going to wake up and say “Oh wow she’s the most beautiful girl, I wanna try to advance the relationship with her now.” You may be waiting 10 years. I always think of that song Never Ever by Ciara “If that boy don’t love you by now, he will never ever, never ever love you” https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ciara/neverever.html If you’ve let him know how you feel and he does not feel the same, take his word for it and make an effort to move on. “When people show you who they are, believe them”-Maya Angelou.https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/14/oprah-life-lesson-maya-angelou_n_2869235.html There is nothing that can make a man love you or choose you. He must do that on his own. If you think you can manipulate the situation you are playing yourself for a fool. Late Night Text Messages If you are anything like a human you crave affection late at night through the early morning and all through the day. If you don’t fill your time with things you are interested in besides your love interests, you may be walking on a tightrope without a safety net. You think you have it all under control and then something tramatic happens all because you were texting an insecure person. Know that you are beautiful without having a man tell you. Your amount of potential dates or people who make themselves known to be interested in you romantically does not define your attractiveness. It does not define how smart or how good of a friend you are. It does not define how popular you are in outerspace to Heaven. If you wouldn’t be with a guy late into the night then you have no business texting him flirtatious ineuendo late at night. Just do you and don’t worry about no potential Boo. Remember if he can’t respect your beauty rest now then he won’t respect your beauty rest later when you’ve got kids and he’s at home all day pushing his career as a content creator. Serious conversations are better saved for morning or afternoon. Do not let him have the power to claim your soul because of a simple fleshly desire. Infatuation Critisized When you are a woman or man of a certain age, you look back at your life and you realize that you have had many a love whome you have given your heart to whether they know it or not. Pieces of your heart are with them in a spiritual sense because their lack of affection for you took a tole on and shaped the current state of your heart. Because of the lack of love from these men your heart has chosen, you may develop trust issues. There are a few men that stand out from the crowd because of how it impacts you emotionally. What is meant to be will be. You cannot force a relationship or a friendship. Sometimes when you have decided to love someone as more than just a friend it can put a tole on even becoming friends because your energy is too strong. You would do anything for them, but they do not want you in their life. Friendship does not happen over night and neither does love. Temporary love is infatuation. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotton Son, that whosoever beliveth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16. This is a true representation of love. Our task in loving one another is to love more like this example. We cannot love exactly like God and how much God loves us, but we may simply try to put others needs first before ourselves. If that means waiting on the man of your dreams to be emotionally and mentally ready to love you back, so be it. If that means giving him up to another woman because he has chosen her, so be it. Be satisifed, feel complete, and be content with yourself because you have truly loved him by giving him your whole heart. You don’t need to follow him any longer. You need to let him go. Disclaimer: (This has nothing to do with ignoring anyone and it has nothing to do with any person. Just some Women to Women advice.)  We are people. We all want to be loved. We want to feel safe & secure. We want to more than just survive. We all have a future. Our beating hearts connect us to each other. So why can't we live in peace?  Thank you. I appreciate you & I want you to know that you are especially loved by me. |
Author & IllustratorHi, I'm CurlyDollTati! Nice for you to join me. I am an illustrator from Southern California. My love for illustration was encouraged by many throughout my life. I was especially encouraged by my single mother who's nickname is Dolly. Growing up I had a love for fashion illustration. CurlyDollTati is a representation of me...Tatiana..and the vision that I have to create a world of diversity in art. Here all races of women can come together to celebrate what makes us unique. We can uplift each other. I can share my art, my experiences, and your story too. Email me at [email protected] Archives
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