 Stop Testing Him Out A lot of women do this. They meet a nice guy. He makes them feel special, but they can’t picture themselves with him long term. They stay in the relationship and try to convince themselves that maybe he is “the One”. They stay in the relationship because of the way they are treated whether it is good or bad. What they want is a boyfriend, but not a husband. They want a boy to act like their husband for the benefits of having a man around. One of them is going to get hurt. With one person having expectations for marriage and the other one undecided why are they running in circles? They can spend their time and their energy on making themselves better or actually finding and being with the right person. You know? The person that satisfies them as a whole. He is enough for her and she is enough for him. They can do life together, start a family, and live out their lifes calling. With hushed minds teetering for a long while in the maybe stages of the relationship for too long, it is enough to derail both people from their purpose and cause more harm than good. Don’t take advantage of him. Don’t play house. Don’t make him do stuff for you. You know you are not going to change your mind. It’s been over 6 months and you are still waiting for the same man to prove that he is husband material? Why are you not convinced? Why are you not satisfied? Love is consistent in character. If he can’t prove he is your husband within the first few dates…If you can’t see yourself with him for the rest of your life within the first few dates, you ain’t never gonna see it. You may be persuaded to settle. Settling will destroy your life because you will always want to cheat and think the grass is greener on the other side. Why do you keep testing him out? He is somebody else's husband. He doesn’t belong to you. His wife will have to deal with the trauma of your past emotional baggage. He could be scarred from you. You may be helping to destroy a future family. To be honest, what is even worse than that is distracting him from his purpose and derailing him from his goals in life so he can almost satisfy you. Don’t try to convince yourself that he is the one. Let your developing relationship flow naturally. Release yourself from anxiety and depression. You feel the way you do for a reason and by no mistake. Even If you don’t understand your emotions yet trust your intuition and your God-given feelings about people. Follow your peace and align up your intentions in everything you do with Gods commandments. The man you are considering for you might not even be a bad person. You may just have a bad feeling about them being with you. They could have been a really cool friend. You will miss out on that if you use the person for lust, fear, and anxiety. Date to Marry You are still single past a certain age. You need to put your priorities in order. You don’t want to try to be with someone you will end up cheating on because you have a preference. Cheating starts in the heart and in the mind. When you are young or even older, it is okay to get to know different types of guys to find out what you like and want. Dates without commitment. Dates with a pure and genuine responsibility of self control. Dates with wisdom and commitment to your own values. Find a trustworthy and wise person who can be your accountability partner and speak wisdom to you. If you already know what you want there is no reason to try things out. Save yourself the heartache and the disappointment. There is a list of things you should consider before you give a man your time, your full heart, and commitment. End feelings of wanting to own a person. Let go and let God work. No matter how bad you want them or how much you feel God sent them for you, whatever is meant to be will be. Let God take priority and ownership over you as an individual and your love life. You cannot earn a person. It’s by the grace of God that marriage exists and marriage is a miracle. 1. Physical Attraction and Chemistry a.) Without this very important detail when times get rough you will have no reason to cling to each other. If you’re mad at him while you are married to him he will be much less attractive if you settle for less than you are attracted to. If he is attractive from the get go, at least when you are mad at him you will have something spicy and sweet to hold. b.) Do your conversations with him have a nice flow or are they always one sided? 2. Religious Background and Ideas on Religion Important Questions to ask him and yourself: a.) What is the purpose of life? b.) What is the purpose of marriage? c.) What is his religion and will you be able to accept it? Will he be able to accept your religion, your religious traditions, and the way you view religion? d.) Do you know your purpose already and does he know his purpose already? Will those purposes be able to mesh well? If one of you doesn’t know their purpose yet and the other one does could that be a potential issue? e.) How passionate is he about your purpose? Does he believe in your dreams and do you believe in his? 3. Current Close Family Connections a.) If you can’t get along with the family member that is most influential in his life how will you be able to maintain the relationship? Be prepared for them to choose that family member over you..who are not family. Marriage might not change how that family member views you. It might just make problems surface even more. Don’t be surprised if your hubby even goes to that family member that you don’t get along with for advice. Don’t be surprised if they seem like they don’t get along with them one moment and then get along with them the next. Family ties are deep rooted and a hard bond to break. If you are not willing to put up and be quiet sometimes in topics regarding that family member then don’t continue to invest your heart. Love is about sacrificing without compromising. Just look at Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. He is a perfect example of true love. 4. Ideas On Future Family Life And Family Upbringing a.) Are you willing to come to terms with your man having a traumatic past? Maybe you had a traumatic family upbringing yourself. Find out how he stands. Is he going to be an extension of the cycle or is he determined to break that cycle? For example; Maybe his father was an alcoholic. Does he drink? Does he know what he’s susceptible to and is he adamant for change? What are you willing to accept? Don’t fake your truth. Not even in the beginning. 5. His Definition of Love and How He Loves To Be Loved a.) Without some sort of sacrifice, there is no love. Love is not talk alone. If he can’t sacrifice for you in the beginning of the relationship there is no mutual relationship. You will have to sacrifice for him too but it doesn’t mean you should compromise your values or your safety. Men sacrifice in different ways than women. In efforts to prove their love is genuine sacrifice will be a strong tell tale if he values you especially in the beginning of a relationship. If he is not sacrificing for you don’t be surprised that you are not the only one. His word is not valid until proven. Believe him, but air on the side of caution. If you give your whole heart be aware of the risks you are taking when he’s only giving a small portion of his. It doesn’t mean that you should never open your heart and give it your all. It just means you may need a strong foundation in Jesus to love you when you are left heartbroken. The One on Earth that has displayed His heart to us spiritual beings is the Lord. Jesus died for the sins of the world and He still loves us even when we neglect Him. Love is Sacrifice and Jesus continues to chase after our hearts. 6. Chivalry: Is He A Gentlemen? Halfway Or All the Time? a.) If he is only a gentleman when it’s convenient for him, sometimes, or rarely it is all an act. It is very difficult to train a man to do what you want especially when you have already accepted mediocracy. If he is going to be your king act like a queen. Even a king should honor his queen. 7. Generosity a.) Is he generous with his money? Does he offer to buy things for you? Does he surprise you with thoughtful gifts to please nobody but you? His generosity now will surely be a small representation of the future with you. Think about the gifts that you have received. Was it to please himself or you? 8. Hygiene And Cleanliness a.) Does he take care of himself or is he in an emotional stage in his life? If he can’t take care of himself what makes you think that he can take care of you? Your children? When you go out for a weekend with the girls will you come back having to put the pieces back together in your family or will he have it all under control? 9. Friendships a.) Who you hang out with on a regular basis is a strong indication of where you are at in your life. It doesn’t matter what kind of friends we find ourselves making. Being a friendly person is an asset. Are you strong enough to be an influencer of that person who is weaker than you? I’m not talking about physical strength. I’m talking about mental strength and security in yourself on the inside. A lost friendship would be one that you continue to invest your time in and all that person does is take from you. Know when to leave. Do not settle for that friendship just because there are no available options at the time of the sever. God wants you to cling to Him as a friend. God may be preparing you and setting yourself up to meet people who you can fill and that can fill you. Maybe you don’t want to sever a tie completely because you really genuinely care about your friends well being. Choose how often you are committing to that person who drains you. Remember that when choosing a husband you must be aware of the friendships that he has. His friendships might have the power to manipulate his mind. Is he influenced by certain people or is he the influencer? If you are still not married the best mate would probably be someone who is stronger than you if you are basing your relationship on the Christian principles of marriage. Relationships are about making each other better and stronger. 10. Openness a.) If he’s not open with you, he’s hiding something and he still has a guard on his heart. If you are considering telling your deepest secrets and he is not telling you his then don’t go any further with trust! Your questions deserve an answer especially when you are open. Be selective with your secrets and personal treasures. If you feel so inclined to tell all don’t and write your secrets down in a journal for your eyes only or confide in a friend who has earned your trust. 11. Does He Keep His Word? a.) No matter how small the promise is he should be keeping his end of the bargain. Don’t make excuses for him. Don’t disregard a small lie. A person of truth follows through with their word no matter how small the promise is. If there is a misstep with the truth…find out what that reason is. Are you willing to forgive and forget or will you keep record of the wrong? Weigh out the pros and cons and ask God for wisdom. 12. Racial Background a.) So you are attracted to someone of a different race and he is attracted to you. If you are willing to accept each other everything will be fine right? In a perfect world that doesn’t judge color; maybe. Be prepared to be looked at by society because of the mix of races. Not just curiosity, but secret jealousy or race hate. Since the world is very connected this is just the reality of the world. Are you thick skinned? Will you be able to handle the constant criticism and the glares? Do you like that? How long will you like that or will it slowly eat at your feelings? He may stick up for you and love you but not love your people. That is a huge problem if you have a heart for your people and he does not. Will the heart for your people connect you to your purpose? Will your lover hold you back fom that or fully support you? Is he willing to turn his back from his own people to uphold what is just and true? Would he fight for your people without you in the picture? Mixed race couples can be beautiful but it’s not all looks. There is a secret pain behind it. Does that matter to you or do you not want to deal with that lifestyle? Is it healthy for you as an individual or are you strong? It’s all based off the couples individual needs and lifestyle. If you feel you are strong enough and you love, like, and accept the person then go for it. Interracial relationships can be a beautiful thing. Why Women Settle and How To Overcome Heartbrokenness Many girls grow up with ideas on what they want their husband to look like and act like. Those ideas and dreams are cultivated and groomed for the good or the bad as they get older. It’s great to have dreams. It’s great to have goals. It’s great to have a vision of how you want him to be. As girls get to be teenagers and young adults they date and start to have real relationships with boys and then men. As they kiss many frogs their vision becomes a little bit clearer in regard to the kind of husband they want to have. Some girls and women even become heart broken and lose hope. So many pressures are put on them such as the need for affection and affirmation. They may feel like they need to move out of their living situation. They feel they need to have children by a certain age. Why are we so needy all the time? Why does it have to be like that? If you have a boyfriend or husband that is a blessing. Cherish what you have. Follow your peace. If you don’t or maybe you are in a toxic relationship, get to know your Creator God. Accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Accept the Holy Spirit as your Guide. Study Gods Ten Commandments and make intentional choices to align yourself with obeying them. Cut yourself off from things that cause you to be tempted to sin. Accept that you are forgiven by Jesus Christ dying on the cross for the sins of the world. Accept that Jesus loves you. Make intentional choices to live by faith and not by sight. Just because you want a man to be your husband and he doesn’t want you or he is living in sin doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. Just because you are not attracted to anyone around you doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. Just because you feel like it is a lost cause for you to find a husband who you can look up to doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. Just because you may feel like you can never trust again doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. You just need to live by faith and not by sight. Trust God to lead you. Make God your Husband and trust Him that He will lead you on the right path. If it is Gods will He will supply you with the right husband for you. If it is not His will for you to be married continue to trust Him. Fulfilling Gods purpose for your life is greater than any marriage or starting of a family. Don’t be so distracted by things of this world that you forget that your base purpose in life is to love the people around you and save souls for eternity with our Creator. Your identity and the love you are capable of receiving and feeling does not rely on having a physical life partner. Be strong in Christ and rely on Him to fill you up inside. If God is telling you to step out of your comfort zone to meet the right person then go for it. Don’t let fear or insecurity hold you back from finding love. Become secure in the Lamb of God and reach for the stars.
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 Purpose Over Marriage If “The One” does not find you. So What? He cannot fulfill your lifes purpose for you. Marry when it’s right or remain in bondage. Society tells little girls that when they get out of college they will attract their true love and get married. This cookie cutter picture of happiness is not always the case for everyone. With the pressure of time and societal norms women and men feel pressured to find love within a certain time period. Then they choose people that are not truly right for them. They go against their gut feelings and end up in divorce because their “true love” was not loyal or they were not loyal to the vision God has placed within them. They take things too fast and would do anything to feel loved by another. They resort with trying to change their boyfriends and girlfriends. It is good to be a positive influence and better your spouse. It is not good to pressure them into doing tasks that they don’t want to do. If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like baking pies and maybe you love to bake pies, bake your own pies. If your loved one continuously complains about baking pies after trying it with you eventually it just won’t work out if baking pies is your passion. If you always try to force people to change for you, you both get exhausted. You need to have a lot in common with your spouse so that you will have maximum happiness in your relationship. You don’t want your spouse to associate you with that task they hate doing. It’s okay to like different stuff, but you need to meet in the middle and have common grounds. Loving someone is about compromising to make them happy, but don’t compromise your character and your own happiness. Don’t compromise the healthy things you love to do. Find a spouse who you can stay happy with. Often times what makes you happy is related to your lifes purpose. This scenario is not an all the time thing, but what people are good at they often end up doing repetitively and consistently their whole life. If your boyfriend or girlfriend cannot handle your passion and all that comes with it you may be in trouble. They need to adapt to your needs and you need to adapt to theirs. Relationships are about growing with that special person. If you are with someone who does not support your goals and ambitions you should ask yourself why? They should not get in the way of you using your talents and gifts for the good of the world. If you feel the need to step into your destiny your loved one needs to be down for you and down for the cause. God will remove that person from your life if you are not leading the life He has called you to live. God has put special gifts and talents within you that only you have access to claim. But does your spouse see the vision like you can? Maybe your spouse doesn’t see the vision as much as you do, but supports you in every way. That is the kind of character trait you need to look for in a future spouse. You don’t need to be in a relationship someone that you are afraid to communicate with. Ask for true love and have no problem showing it. Work out your trust issues before you get into a relationship and trust the person you are with. If either one of you are broken people your heart will have a crack in it. Ask God to lead your life. If women and men had looked to God first before choosing their mates, they would be better off. If they had asked God to show them both a true sign before getting together, their marriage would be the most blessed. If God is the leader of your life in everything else, why can’t He lead your life in what fiancé you are supposed to have? You should not fear the future in a way that makes you choose wrong. Why are you confused when the answer is as clear as day? Love is bigger than marriage. God is calling you to love every human you come in contact with and it’s not to have people all to yourself. Your soulmate is 1 in a billion and you keep stressing about one who is not right for you. You want to have children someday and you would make a great mother but you are 30 years old or whatever age that gives you stress about not having children by then. You know that marriage is the road to children. You are so stressed out about when God is going to send you “Mr. Right” that you start to see and convince yourself that “Mr. Wrong” is “Mr. Right”. You become desperate for a man. You think a marriage and a family will cure your anxiety and depression. You need to see children for what they are. They are underdeveloped people. They are precious, fragile people with purpose just as you. Yes, God gives you the ability to have children and children are a gift from God. They are souls just as you that come here by your womb, but they are not you. You don’t have Gods permission to have a child outside of a marriage. Have one outside the security of a marriage and delay your destiny. Having children the fast way and having sex without marriage is delaying your destiny. Men, women, and children lose their honor every day because sex is a sacred gift from God that should be used in a marriage. Having sex doesn’t make you a man and having children doesn’t make you a woman. God put our souls here for so many different reasons. You ought to enjoy life more as a single person and pray for your future spouse. Pray for blessings in your current family. Pray for the people around you. Be grateful for the gifts of life that God has given you whether that be your breath or your childs heartbeat. Break the cycle. Have you ever heard of breaking the cycle of poverty? Have you ever heard of breaking the cycle of children without fathers or mothers? Have you ever heard of breaking the cycle of abusive behaviors in relationships? Breaking the cycle of depression? Breaking that cycle starts with you and the behaviors you are going to have. It starts with asking the Holy Spirit to come into your life. It starts with listening to that inner voice that tells you what you need to do. It does not start with going against the Holy Spirit for your fleshly desires and carnal minds. Let the Holy Spirit speak to you to instill peace, security, and love in your mind so you can give it to others. You should not listen to fear when fear tells you that you will never be married. Fear tells you that you are never going to have children or a man who loves you for you. Every void and every sense of failure that you feel, you need to give it to God. Have faith in the Lord. Your needs will be met. Every sense of not being good enough and every sense of obsession over feeling in love should be broken. Focus on positivity and being around people who you can put before yourself through true love. Make your heart available to receive genuine love. Place yourself in settings that make you feel peaceful around humans. Be around like-minded individuals who are eager to grow. You may be surprised by how God blesses you. He works in mysterious ways.  Go and Create A Life For Yourself
I am going out in that freezing cold rain and I am going to create a life for myself. Don’t Let The Rain Make You Stay Inside. This is your time to regroup. This is your time to take advantage of your time. If you feel stuck, find another way. Find another outlet. If you are going through getting stranded somewhere away from home don’t feel alone. There are many women who have gone through this before you. If you don’t have an example, I am one of them. Stranded in the Country I remember when I didn’t have a car and I was staying in a room at my aunts house in the country. I was not used to living in the country where everything was so far away. It seemed like it would take an hour just to walk to the grocery store. Twenty minutes to drive. I didn’t have a date of when my life would change. I didn’t have money that I could depend on coming in. I didn’t have a job or much experience working. I applied myself. My aunt had a bucket of pink paint that she never got to paint on the walls since Grandma went to Heaven. Grandma was supposed to stay in that tiny bedroom with the flower wallpaper. I asked my aunt if I could finish painting the walls and she said yes. It took me a few days and suddenly I had motivation. The color therapy was good for my brain. It was bright and cheery. I took that saying from Nike, “Just Do It” and I wrote it on a large piece of paper. I looked at it everyday to have a reason to push through the feeling of being stranded and the loss of direction. Suddenly everything that I wanted to do felt like it was possible if I just continued to work towards it. Before this I had created my website culydolltati.com and I continued to post drawings. I didn’t have internet at the time so my aunt drove me to the library and I posted on my blog there. I did have a scanner and a cellphone. On my old laptop from high school I didn’t have a professional version of Photoshop, but I had Photoshop Elements which was all I needed to get started. I always thought to myself all I need are the bare necessities for my equipment. I found beauty in the people around me and took my inspiration off of my experiences and country life. When you’re out there stranded in the peace and beauty of nature, you really get a chance to clear your mind. I knew that the goals and aspirations that I have were no match for country life so I had to move. I just didn’t know how I was going to get a job with limited access to transportation. Creativity Directed It would rain all the time where I was living. The weather made me feel even more stranded but I enjoyed my times of peace. I could hear crickets, frogs, and birds chirping. I could see fireflies, rainbows, and bunnies hopping. I could observe bees and spiders working. I could see the tomatoes my aunt planted sprouting. These things were all moving forward and I had to as well. It was inevitable. I couldn’t stay there for long. It may have been slow country life, but things would soon develop and if I had stayed where I was at who knows how south things would have gone. There’s nothing like a hard and direct answer from God. Do I do this or do I do that? This website has been a form of self expression for me and has given me a clear goal for my life of what tangible steps I can take. For that, I am grateful that God gave me this idea and these talents. For people who have little, I highly recommend that they start a business or create something with what they have. With the technology we have today it can be even easier for people to market themselves and their businesses. Don’t have an idea? Start with your own talents or skills. If college seems like it’s a tangible goal, then by all means go to college! Go to college especially if you and your family can afford it. If you can’t afford it, the hourly workforce isn’t the only place you should be spending your time if you aspire for more. God Sets Me Up For Answers My old laptop crashed. I could no longer edit drawings and post them on my own. It was much more difficult to get art to perfection and to become digitally ready with my usual short time frame. It was very upsetting, but I knew it was not the end of my business. God made it clear that I would just need to get a job to afford to buy another laptop. I needed to be able to afford food and clothing. I had another aunt that lived an hour away that I would soon stay with. If I had not asked I would have not received. I found work within a couple months and was able to get rides with her. I also got rides from coworkers. I am grateful for that help that I received during that time. Previously I had applied for so many jobs in the former state that I was living and even had a couple interviews. I didn’t have any successful call backs. I thought that I would never find a job and that I was unhirable. During my waiting period I decided I was going to volunteer at church. I served food at a church wedding. I was a model at a hair show that my aunt was involved in. From that, I built my resume. My cousin gave me a pants suit that my aunt made fit on me. It was still too big for me, but I used that to go on my interview. I thought of applying for a job at a grocery store because my former high school boyfriend worked at a grocery store and so did my crush. It would be a perfect first job. I walked into what would become my first job and realized that there was an equal ratio of Brown skinned to Caucasian people working there. Since I was a brown woman, I had a higher chance of getting hired. If at least one of the people that had the power of hiring me could see my need for a job and willingness to work for it, my mission would be accomplished. With little job experience you need to find people who are willing to have faith in you. I also saw a Distraction, a Best friend, and Laughter among other things on day one. The people I met there I would call my coworkers, my friends, and people that God sent to help along the way. God had a bigger plan for my life that He would reveal to me six months later. I could not take anyone with me although I would fantasize about the people I loved coming with me. Anyone who would survive the impact from my next move would remain within my cellphone monitor and only would be admitted to appear every now and then. Me Walking By Faith God prepared my life and set it up so that I could find my first job and move from the country to California after working there six months. With my mother we looked for a place to transfer my job. With our faith in God, we looked forward to the future. Our place to lay our heads and call our home, came in due time. My strandedness and uncertainty changed. I went from being motivated by the pink walls and the Just Do It logo to sadness because of my computer crashing. I then gained my reason to push through. I found success. With Gods help I am able to live. God gave me life and now I am able to create a life by making my contribution to the world. I am going out in that freezing cold rain and I am going to create a life for myself. No matter what the weather is, I can find a space in the midst of the storm where I can grow. I can find my air bubble. It may take time and nurturing. When you have a feeling that you are not supposed to be where you are at there is nothing that can stop you from growing when you keep resting your eyes on your goal and walking in the direction God has planned for your life.  A good woman knows she should wait her turn. Patience is key. |
Author & IllustratorHi, I'm CurlyDollTati! Nice for you to join me. I am an illustrator from Southern California. My love for illustration was encouraged by many throughout my life. I was especially encouraged by my single mother who's nickname is Dolly. Growing up I had a love for fashion illustration. CurlyDollTati is a representation of me...Tatiana..and the vision that I have to create a world of diversity in art. Here all races of women can come together to celebrate what makes us unique. We can uplift each other. I can share my art, my experiences, and your story too. Email me at [email protected] Archives
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