|
0 Comments
 Stop Testing Him Out A lot of women do this. They meet a nice guy. He makes them feel special, but they can’t picture themselves with him long term. They stay in the relationship and try to convince themselves that maybe he is “the One”. They stay in the relationship because of the way they are treated whether it is good or bad. What they want is a boyfriend, but not a husband. They want a boy to act like their husband for the benefits of having a man around. One of them is going to get hurt. With one person having expectations for marriage and the other one undecided why are they running in circles? They can spend their time and their energy on making themselves better or actually finding and being with the right person. You know? The person that satisfies them as a whole. He is enough for her and she is enough for him. They can do life together, start a family, and live out their lifes calling. With hushed minds teetering for a long while in the maybe stages of the relationship for too long, it is enough to derail both people from their purpose and cause more harm than good. Don’t take advantage of him. Don’t play house. Don’t make him do stuff for you. You know you are not going to change your mind. It’s been over 6 months and you are still waiting for the same man to prove that he is husband material? Why are you not convinced? Why are you not satisfied? Love is consistent in character. If he can’t prove he is your husband within the first few dates…If you can’t see yourself with him for the rest of your life within the first few dates, you ain’t never gonna see it. You may be persuaded to settle. Settling will destroy your life because you will always want to cheat and think the grass is greener on the other side. Why do you keep testing him out? He is somebody else's husband. He doesn’t belong to you. His wife will have to deal with the trauma of your past emotional baggage. He could be scarred from you. You may be helping to destroy a future family. To be honest, what is even worse than that is distracting him from his purpose and derailing him from his goals in life so he can almost satisfy you. Don’t try to convince yourself that he is the one. Let your developing relationship flow naturally. Release yourself from anxiety and depression. You feel the way you do for a reason and by no mistake. Even If you don’t understand your emotions yet trust your intuition and your God-given feelings about people. Follow your peace and align up your intentions in everything you do with Gods commandments. The man you are considering for you might not even be a bad person. You may just have a bad feeling about them being with you. They could have been a really cool friend. You will miss out on that if you use the person for lust, fear, and anxiety. Date to Marry You are still single past a certain age. You need to put your priorities in order. You don’t want to try to be with someone you will end up cheating on because you have a preference. Cheating starts in the heart and in the mind. When you are young or even older, it is okay to get to know different types of guys to find out what you like and want. Dates without commitment. Dates with a pure and genuine responsibility of self control. Dates with wisdom and commitment to your own values. Find a trustworthy and wise person who can be your accountability partner and speak wisdom to you. If you already know what you want there is no reason to try things out. Save yourself the heartache and the disappointment. There is a list of things you should consider before you give a man your time, your full heart, and commitment. End feelings of wanting to own a person. Let go and let God work. No matter how bad you want them or how much you feel God sent them for you, whatever is meant to be will be. Let God take priority and ownership over you as an individual and your love life. You cannot earn a person. It’s by the grace of God that marriage exists and marriage is a miracle. 1. Physical Attraction and Chemistry a.) Without this very important detail when times get rough you will have no reason to cling to each other. If you’re mad at him while you are married to him he will be much less attractive if you settle for less than you are attracted to. If he is attractive from the get go, at least when you are mad at him you will have something spicy and sweet to hold. b.) Do your conversations with him have a nice flow or are they always one sided? 2. Religious Background and Ideas on Religion Important Questions to ask him and yourself: a.) What is the purpose of life? b.) What is the purpose of marriage? c.) What is his religion and will you be able to accept it? Will he be able to accept your religion, your religious traditions, and the way you view religion? d.) Do you know your purpose already and does he know his purpose already? Will those purposes be able to mesh well? If one of you doesn’t know their purpose yet and the other one does could that be a potential issue? e.) How passionate is he about your purpose? Does he believe in your dreams and do you believe in his? 3. Current Close Family Connections a.) If you can’t get along with the family member that is most influential in his life how will you be able to maintain the relationship? Be prepared for them to choose that family member over you..who are not family. Marriage might not change how that family member views you. It might just make problems surface even more. Don’t be surprised if your hubby even goes to that family member that you don’t get along with for advice. Don’t be surprised if they seem like they don’t get along with them one moment and then get along with them the next. Family ties are deep rooted and a hard bond to break. If you are not willing to put up and be quiet sometimes in topics regarding that family member then don’t continue to invest your heart. Love is about sacrificing without compromising. Just look at Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. He is a perfect example of true love. 4. Ideas On Future Family Life And Family Upbringing a.) Are you willing to come to terms with your man having a traumatic past? Maybe you had a traumatic family upbringing yourself. Find out how he stands. Is he going to be an extension of the cycle or is he determined to break that cycle? For example; Maybe his father was an alcoholic. Does he drink? Does he know what he’s susceptible to and is he adamant for change? What are you willing to accept? Don’t fake your truth. Not even in the beginning. 5. His Definition of Love and How He Loves To Be Loved a.) Without some sort of sacrifice, there is no love. Love is not talk alone. If he can’t sacrifice for you in the beginning of the relationship there is no mutual relationship. You will have to sacrifice for him too but it doesn’t mean you should compromise your values or your safety. Men sacrifice in different ways than women. In efforts to prove their love is genuine sacrifice will be a strong tell tale if he values you especially in the beginning of a relationship. If he is not sacrificing for you don’t be surprised that you are not the only one. His word is not valid until proven. Believe him, but air on the side of caution. If you give your whole heart be aware of the risks you are taking when he’s only giving a small portion of his. It doesn’t mean that you should never open your heart and give it your all. It just means you may need a strong foundation in Jesus to love you when you are left heartbroken. The One on Earth that has displayed His heart to us spiritual beings is the Lord. Jesus died for the sins of the world and He still loves us even when we neglect Him. Love is Sacrifice and Jesus continues to chase after our hearts. 6. Chivalry: Is He A Gentlemen? Halfway Or All the Time? a.) If he is only a gentleman when it’s convenient for him, sometimes, or rarely it is all an act. It is very difficult to train a man to do what you want especially when you have already accepted mediocracy. If he is going to be your king act like a queen. Even a king should honor his queen. 7. Generosity a.) Is he generous with his money? Does he offer to buy things for you? Does he surprise you with thoughtful gifts to please nobody but you? His generosity now will surely be a small representation of the future with you. Think about the gifts that you have received. Was it to please himself or you? 8. Hygiene And Cleanliness a.) Does he take care of himself or is he in an emotional stage in his life? If he can’t take care of himself what makes you think that he can take care of you? Your children? When you go out for a weekend with the girls will you come back having to put the pieces back together in your family or will he have it all under control? 9. Friendships a.) Who you hang out with on a regular basis is a strong indication of where you are at in your life. It doesn’t matter what kind of friends we find ourselves making. Being a friendly person is an asset. Are you strong enough to be an influencer of that person who is weaker than you? I’m not talking about physical strength. I’m talking about mental strength and security in yourself on the inside. A lost friendship would be one that you continue to invest your time in and all that person does is take from you. Know when to leave. Do not settle for that friendship just because there are no available options at the time of the sever. God wants you to cling to Him as a friend. God may be preparing you and setting yourself up to meet people who you can fill and that can fill you. Maybe you don’t want to sever a tie completely because you really genuinely care about your friends well being. Choose how often you are committing to that person who drains you. Remember that when choosing a husband you must be aware of the friendships that he has. His friendships might have the power to manipulate his mind. Is he influenced by certain people or is he the influencer? If you are still not married the best mate would probably be someone who is stronger than you if you are basing your relationship on the Christian principles of marriage. Relationships are about making each other better and stronger. 10. Openness a.) If he’s not open with you, he’s hiding something and he still has a guard on his heart. If you are considering telling your deepest secrets and he is not telling you his then don’t go any further with trust! Your questions deserve an answer especially when you are open. Be selective with your secrets and personal treasures. If you feel so inclined to tell all don’t and write your secrets down in a journal for your eyes only or confide in a friend who has earned your trust. 11. Does He Keep His Word? a.) No matter how small the promise is he should be keeping his end of the bargain. Don’t make excuses for him. Don’t disregard a small lie. A person of truth follows through with their word no matter how small the promise is. If there is a misstep with the truth…find out what that reason is. Are you willing to forgive and forget or will you keep record of the wrong? Weigh out the pros and cons and ask God for wisdom. 12. Racial Background a.) So you are attracted to someone of a different race and he is attracted to you. If you are willing to accept each other everything will be fine right? In a perfect world that doesn’t judge color; maybe. Be prepared to be looked at by society because of the mix of races. Not just curiosity, but secret jealousy or race hate. Since the world is very connected this is just the reality of the world. Are you thick skinned? Will you be able to handle the constant criticism and the glares? Do you like that? How long will you like that or will it slowly eat at your feelings? He may stick up for you and love you but not love your people. That is a huge problem if you have a heart for your people and he does not. Will the heart for your people connect you to your purpose? Will your lover hold you back fom that or fully support you? Is he willing to turn his back from his own people to uphold what is just and true? Would he fight for your people without you in the picture? Mixed race couples can be beautiful but it’s not all looks. There is a secret pain behind it. Does that matter to you or do you not want to deal with that lifestyle? Is it healthy for you as an individual or are you strong? It’s all based off the couples individual needs and lifestyle. If you feel you are strong enough and you love, like, and accept the person then go for it. Interracial relationships can be a beautiful thing. Why Women Settle and How To Overcome Heartbrokenness Many girls grow up with ideas on what they want their husband to look like and act like. Those ideas and dreams are cultivated and groomed for the good or the bad as they get older. It’s great to have dreams. It’s great to have goals. It’s great to have a vision of how you want him to be. As girls get to be teenagers and young adults they date and start to have real relationships with boys and then men. As they kiss many frogs their vision becomes a little bit clearer in regard to the kind of husband they want to have. Some girls and women even become heart broken and lose hope. So many pressures are put on them such as the need for affection and affirmation. They may feel like they need to move out of their living situation. They feel they need to have children by a certain age. Why are we so needy all the time? Why does it have to be like that? If you have a boyfriend or husband that is a blessing. Cherish what you have. Follow your peace. If you don’t or maybe you are in a toxic relationship, get to know your Creator God. Accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Accept the Holy Spirit as your Guide. Study Gods Ten Commandments and make intentional choices to align yourself with obeying them. Cut yourself off from things that cause you to be tempted to sin. Accept that you are forgiven by Jesus Christ dying on the cross for the sins of the world. Accept that Jesus loves you. Make intentional choices to live by faith and not by sight. Just because you want a man to be your husband and he doesn’t want you or he is living in sin doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. Just because you are not attracted to anyone around you doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. Just because you feel like it is a lost cause for you to find a husband who you can look up to doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. Just because you may feel like you can never trust again doesn’t mean all hope is lost for you. You just need to live by faith and not by sight. Trust God to lead you. Make God your Husband and trust Him that He will lead you on the right path. If it is Gods will He will supply you with the right husband for you. If it is not His will for you to be married continue to trust Him. Fulfilling Gods purpose for your life is greater than any marriage or starting of a family. Don’t be so distracted by things of this world that you forget that your base purpose in life is to love the people around you and save souls for eternity with our Creator. Your identity and the love you are capable of receiving and feeling does not rely on having a physical life partner. Be strong in Christ and rely on Him to fill you up inside. If God is telling you to step out of your comfort zone to meet the right person then go for it. Don’t let fear or insecurity hold you back from finding love. Become secure in the Lamb of God and reach for the stars.  No More Empty Promises. It is My Decision It is wrong to make empty promises. What brings promises to be so empty? Why are people not coming to a decision before they make a promise? A promise is a promise. People should not let their hurt make them treat people the same negative way that they were treated. “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”- Matthew 7:12 Make Words Mean Something Sometimes people don’t promise to be there for people, but they give them a verbal agreement. Make words wholesome to create an honest and true personality. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”-Ephesians 4:29 People shouldn’t give people their least. She gives her best. She does not let people feel disappointment when she is not there for them. She lets people feel blessed that she is around. “Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her..”-Proverbs 31:28 People will not feel blessed or miss a person if they keep canceling on them. If a person only shows up every now and then they won’t be able to sustain a relationship that way. We make decisions all day long like what latte we should order or what shoes we should wear, but when we include people in our decision making we should be careful to stay true. If people feel like they need more time to think about a decision they should take that time for themselves to pray about it and mediate on Gods word. A woman should not promise a man they will get married to them if they don’t have all the facts and they are still deciding. Girls should not promise a friend they will go shopping with them next week if they have not cleared out a time and a date. “Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.” Matthew 5:37 Overpromising, Decisiveness, and Lying If a person overpromises, that means they are saying verbally with their mouth that they are going to do something and then they do not take further action to make it happen. If a person feels the strong need to commit, a smaller expectation is more manageable than a larger one. Still it is best to not make promises a person can’t keep. When people find themselves in situations where someone makes a promise to them and they feel under pressure to make a promise back, they should stand firm. Use phrases like “Hey, I’ll get back to you on that when my schedule clears up.” “No, I really don’t think that’s a good idea at this time.” “I need some time to think about it.” “Right now it’s a lot for me to commit to.” Or “I’m not convinced at this time.” “I’m looking forward in hope.” “I’m praying about it.” Sometimes not making a decision can be a terrible option but it’s up to you to decide when is the right time to take a leap of faith. People should not expect people who have already made up their minds to wait around for them too long to make a strong choice. “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”-Matthew 18:20 God does not change His mind and neither should anyone. If a person changes their mind it is a human trait. Strive to be decisive before coming to a verbal agreement. “God is not a man, so He does not lie. He is not human, so He does not change His mind. Has He ever spoken and failed to act? Has He ever promised and not carried it through?"-Numbers 23:19 Disappointing People Disappointing people is embarrassing. It makes people look flakey and inconsistent. It makes people look forgetful. It also makes people look like they’re not appreciative of the time that other people took out of their day to be with them or work with them. When people are sick, they have an excuse to cancel on people. The person who you made arrangements with should understand suffering because of an illness or injury. Sometimes people disappoint people and it could be they have been struggling from a mental disposition or pain. A lot of people struggle mentally with different conditions that they cannot control. However, if they feel they have more control over it and they’re just not putting in the work, better late than never to change. No one has the right to say that a person does not have a mental illness or disposition if that person feels like they do. Sometimes the disposition is temporary, but only the person dealing with the pain can know what they are truly going through. Disappointing people can be necessary for better self help and mental help. Sometimes minds do change and that is perfectly okay. People should not make a habit out of changing their mind, but they are perfectly in the right to if they discover something that is a game changer. They are also in the right to change their mind if they need to take the time to work on themselves. Self love is important, but what is self love without loving a neighbor? No one can have one without the other. Love is prioritizing the needs and feelings of others. There are a lot of reasons why someone can feel disappointed by another person. In all of this it is important to stay truthful. If a person is unsure how to take the next step they should talk to God about their dilemma. They shouldn’t gossip to all their friends. Sometimes situations are allowed to happen because God wants to get people to rely on Him completely. God wants people to develop thier listening skills and being in tune to what the voice of His Spirit sounds like. “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger”-James 1:19 “My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.”-Proverbs 2:1-5 Healing From Being Stood Up Healing from being stood up is not an easy task. A lot of people hurt from this. The reason a person may hurt is because it diminishes the value of how people see each other. All of the sudden a person who once felt special and important in a persons eyes, feels unimportant. It does not necessarily hurt less if a lot of people come through for a person. A person could be valuable to another person and all of the sudden they don’t feel secure in that relationship anymore. To be on a high and low rollercoaster constantly, is very emotionally exhausting. A person begins to lose sense of who they are without people around them. Relationships can develop to be defining of individuals. Sometimes a lot of sacrifices are made, said and unspoken to keep the bond. Healing from it, people need to know themselves. People need to know their worth. A person needs more than just a couple people around them. A person needs to find many people that would be encouragements in their lives. Joining a connect group, volunteering, working, and learning an interesting hobby are just some ways that people can heal. Talking about their problems with friends and family who they can trust to keep their personal life private is another way that a person can heal. Sometimes people just need to vent or talk it out. Writing feelings down in a journal helps. A really helpful thing is talking to God and praying about problems. God wants to build a relationship with everyone. “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” Revelations 3:20 Unlike that boy that never called her back or stood her up for that date. Unlike her best friend that never seems to schedule the time to talk to her or see her. Unlike her family that never created a consistency of being there for her. Remember this verse to keep well dealing with emotions from being stood up or disappointed: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 Try this prayer exercise: “I thank You God for [insert boy or girls name here]. I forgive them for [insert dissapointment]. Now I release them to You Lord to find thier purpose through Christ Jesus. Amen.” No more empty promises. It is my decision.  "You Are Like A Sister To Me: I loved you from the first time I saw you" Friendship and Sister Soul Ties
Sometimes it’s difficult for me as an adult to find girlfriends. I meet a girl that I think is interesting and cute. We go out for a few friend outings. As I get to know her then the story unravels about who she is as a person and what she stands for. I have compiled a list of friendship deal breakers. Creating value in each others lives is an important aspect of a friendship or sister-bond. People often don’t think of having sister soul ties, but this can effect both sisters in their growth. It is important to remember that relationships are all about trust. Without trust there is a limited friendship. There are a lot of people on this planet and they all need different things. Not everyone is looking for a friend when they meet you. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy of friendship if a connection doesn’t work out. Keep being open to meeting that special friend that you can do life with. Sometimes they are closer than you think. The internal heart matters more than the external appearance. Friendship Deal Breakers There are some deal breakers as to whether I want to continue growing my friendships with women. One big deal breaker is the respect she gives to God and Christians because I am a Christian. It is a deal breaker if she shows any sign of disrespect. Another deal breaker is cancelling all the time. When I set plans, I try really hard not to cancel. The only way I cancel is if I have to work, am sick, or have some sort of transportation issue. There are other reasons I might cancel, like changing my mind about the person altogether. Count on that happening if they are disrespectful towards myself or the people that I associate with. Count on that if they lie or steal. Dishonestly and disloyalty lead to trust issues which create a relationship that is difficult to manage and better off disconnected. Create Value In My Life: Build Friendships I usually like to be around women that create some sort of value in my life. I know that sounds tacky, but its true. If they are a leech, eventually I get drained from being around them. If they provide emotional support, they stay friends with me. If I can’t trust them from the beginning or find out that I can’t trust them, it’s over. I feel like I want to support people for what they are going though. I want to help people. I want to help everyone. I am only human too! I need to be listened to. It needs to be about me sometimes and what I want to do. I want to choose the destination and the book title. When I’m in a friendship often times it is difficult to not put the other person first. I am a giver. There’s no other way that I feel like a loving human. To give is to feel. However, I cannot neglect myself. Friends can create value by being a listening ear, an encourager, and physically making an effort to be there when it matters. Sister Soul Ties It is hard to say no to a sister. I mean, you see them. You love them. You would give the shirt off your back for them. You create that special bond. DNA and blood definitely bridges families together. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being linked to another person who is like me? That is a miracle. I have a real sister. I don’t get to spend much time with her because we’ve always lived far away from each other. But we connect when we are together. At least I feel that we do. Sometimes you can have a sister that is not related to you though. I’ve had my share of fill-in sisters and I still want to strengthen that bond with my sister-friends. When you are closely connected to another person you can create a thing called a soul tie. Being soul tied to another female can be just as helpful or hurtful as being in a romantic relationship. You don’t need romance to be soul tied to another female. You will know you are soul tied when you are emotionally involved. Don’t let your emotions take over for people who don’t bother to give you the support that you deserve. Trust Your Friend To Build Your Relationship or Disconnect If you’ve taken a risk and given your friend the benefit of the doubt that she won’t infect your life with negativity and she did, it is hard to continue. Oftentimes disloyalty happens when you least expect it. Before entrusting your friend with your biggest secrets, trust them with small secrets that won’t ruin what you’ve got going on. See if they can be trustworthy with the small stuff and then build with more sharing if they prove themselves loyal. Often times if we feel the sister bond and connection very early in the relationship we are tempted to entrust them with our whole lives like they are an extension of ourselves. We need to remember that another person is not you and everyone responds differently to situations and knowledge. Forgiveness When does forgiveness matter the most? Forgiveness matters when you have to live with the person or see them on a day to day basis. Even if they live far away forgiveness matters. It is not healthy for you to hold on to old, negative feelings. Even if you forget the person, your unforgiveness will manifest in new relationships by how you respond. Emotional traumas effect how you respond to new people. Emotional traumas can even be transferred through generations to your children through your DNA. Our ancestors have transferred positive and negative energies to us. If we are aware of that we can make conscious decisions to serve each other through love that is pleasing to God. We must not act in a way that we have been conditioned to think is okay through culture, modern society, and family patterns. We need to be more aware of how deeply our decisions to not let go of old feelings can mentally effect us and the others around us. How to Forgive The first step in forgiveness is give it to God. Do not try to take revenge in your own hands. Step two is take a break for yourself. Don’t be around that person consistently. Take the time that you need to heal up. Next step is to show love. If you see that person, greet them with a smile and hold open their door. Buy them a coffee or send them a thank you note. You don’t have to go out of your way to meet up if you are not ready. You can forgive them from a distance by talking about the positive sides about them when they come up in conversation or your thought process. The final step is to pray for them. Ask God for His forgiveness for yourself and ask God to forgive them and reveal to them their mistakes towards you in a loving way for their own growth. Ask God to remove all negative feelings from your consciousness. Next, decide whether their positive traits outweigh their negative ones. If you need to break the ties do so calmly, appropriately, and lovingly. Sometimes relationships are best put on hold until the appropriate time. Sometimes relationships stand the test of time. Be the Friend That You Want to Meet Don’t just wish you had friends and complain that you don’t have them. Go out of your way to connect with people. It is so easy to let your friends find you, but sometimes you need to find your friends. Sometimes if you are an introvert, you need to force yourself to be extroverted in a situation to make a friend. Sometimes you only get one chance to connect with a person. Sometimes you will get multiple chances. Put your best foot forward and dress your best. Start a friendly conversation with positive reinforcement and an invite for tea. Don’t only talk about the weather and force them to follow you on social media. Show them you care for them as a person. Ask them about themselves and listen more than you speak. You never know what first impression you can make on a person that will lead to a lifelong friendship. Friendships are a blessing. Remember to love them. |
Author & IllustratorHi, I'm CurlyDollTati! Nice for you to join me. I am an illustrator from Southern California. My love for illustration was encouraged by many throughout my life. I was especially encouraged by my single mother who's nickname is Dolly. Growing up I had a love for fashion illustration. CurlyDollTati is a representation of me...Tatiana..and the vision that I have to create a world of diversity in art. Here all races of women can come together to celebrate what makes us unique. We can uplift each other. I can share my art, my experiences, and your story too. Email me at [email protected] Archives
September 2023
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed