CurlyDollTati #149

Buy This T-Shirt

                                                 Don’t Give Up Your Cookie
Hi CurlFriends. If you are reading this post and you are under 18 please read this with your parent or guardian. I cannot replace the thoughts and opinions of a parent.  Take this advice with a  grain of salt, but most importantly claim responsibility for the mistakes you will make. I am not a pastor. Know that you are forgiven by Christ Jesus. You are not your sin or anyone else's sin. 
What do I mean when I reference “your cookie” in this post “Don’t give up your cookie.”? I mean your virginity or your sexual abstinence. 

Sexual Abstinence-a decision to not having sex for a long period of time regardless if you are a virgin or not. 
Cookie-a womans vagina or your purity 
Infidelity-cheating in a marriage. 
Soul Tie-a bond between two people or multiple people felt by one or both souls. The bond may or may not be established by physical contact. It can be mental as well. How do you know you have a soul tie with someone? You are addicted to them and want to know their state of being consistently and repetitively. Adversely, want to know nothing about them. 
Virgin-a person who has never had sexual intercourse.

                                                        Sex in a Marriage
     The best advice I see fit to give you is do not have sex in a non committed relationship. To be committed to a person means you have a legally binding agreement (marriage). It doesn’t mean that anyone can promise you they will never slip up and you won’t ever get a divorce. To be married means that you represent yourself committed to the person behind closed doors and in the spotlight of humanity and God.  When you are in a marriage it is more likely that you will be open and honest with your partner if you choose to base the relationship on a healthy platform. This means being open and honest in the beginning of the relationship. At some point when you have gained your loves trust then you will reveal your heart to them. 


                                          Before You Start a Relationship
     Getting into a relationship it is important that you trust the person first and build a healthy relationship as friends. You can remain open, honest, and true to them on the terms of friendship. Starting a relationship because you haven’t had sex or kissed someone in a long time is not a reason to start a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. It is also not a reason to end a relationship. If you are in a relationship and have not been intimate or seeing eye to eye with them, you should get to the base of the real problem.  There may be a bigger reason why you do not feel spiritually connected to them.  Remember that you have nothing to fear but fear.  


                      How Can I Tell that He Is Willing To Wait For Me?
     Be honest from the very beginning about your expectations in the relationship. The right time is sooner rather than later so you know where you stand. Remember that you cannot change a persons mind unless they are willing to change. And why fight for someone that won’t fight for you? You will never feel loved by that person if you have to work that hard. Distract yourself with a hobby like art, reading, or cooking to get your mind off the person. Try this. “I like you a lot and I was wondering if you like me enough to wait to have sex with me until you marry me? I understand if you are not ready. Just let me know now so we don’t waste the time we could have spent on building a healthy friendship.” 

                                             Can I Be A Virgin Again? 
     Being a virgin again is similar to wanting to be born again. Dedicate your life to God and He will forgive you of all of your sin every time you ask with your heart. The answer is you can’t claim you are a virgin again when you have had sex already, however you can be born again and you can practice sexual abstinence until marriage. It is a very honorable thing to do. Remember that If a person judges you for your past mistakes and sin, they are not really your friend and they don’t deserve you. They are the ones that will be missing out because no woman or man is sinless besides Jesus.  Tell the truth about your virginity status.  If you are open and honest from the beginning you never need to worry about things not going your way later. God will bless you and all your future relationships with people.  

                                                    Your First Marriage
     A first marriage is supposed to be the only marriage. In Gods eyes your first marriage cannot be erased or dismissed unless there was infidelity or death.  Be careful who you bond with. If your mates or your soul ties are not broken you take the same issues that ended a marriage into your new marriage.  Start a new relationship. Start fresh. Break those bonds by seeking out prayer so that your future or current marriage will be blessed. 


                      The Whole World Looks Like They Are Having Sex
     In this day and age it is difficult to find people  and even teens that are not having sex, but I promise you they are out there. Yes, even many attractive people don’t have sex. Usually people that don’t have sex have a strong relationship with their Heavenly Father God and they don’t want to mess it up. There are other reasons why someone may choose to abstain from sex including but not limited to:

1. I want to save myself for the right person. My true Love. I may have not met him yet.
2. Sex has hurt me in the past and I don’t want my heart to hurt again.
3. I am embarrassed of my body
4. I don’t need a man for pleasure
5. I am afraid of becoming pregnant
6. I don’t believe in birth control
7. My partner or husband is does not know how to get my body excited
8. I’m afraid of my family finding out
9. I don’t want to get an STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease)
10. It is a religious tradition to not have sex until marriage (bad reason because you cannot make religion your mini god. God is not religion. He is relationship. A relationship you have with God will be a primary motivating factor for your success in celibacy and finding your true love and life partner. 

                    Tempting Situations and Extracurricular Activities
     If you have made the decision to save your body for marriage there are many tempting situations that can arise from being alone with your potential mate or even a friend. If you are not ready to read this list please skip the numerical numbers below.  

1. Don’t allow yourself to “play house” or be completely alone with that person. 
2. Don’t fall asleep with them. 
3. Don’t shut the door. (I wanna see you riding that 4 wheel drive with no doors type of car) 
4. Don’t hang around people that encourage you to sin. 
5. Don’t get drunk, be on drugs, and be alone or with friends that try to get you to be like them. 
6. Don’t touch them inappropriately or let them touch you inappropriately
7. Refrain from watching sexual movies or listening to sexual songs. (Looking at sexual images on social media)
8. Do pray every day in the morning before you look at your phone. 
9. Do attend church and get plugged in with other fellow worshippers 
10. Do find out what your hobbies are. 
11. Do get connected with nature and put your feet on the grass and sand
12. Do thank God and count your blessings
13. Do feed your body with healthy food and exercise
14. Do clothe your body according to the weather and dress practically. (No high heels at a theme park. No thongs showing at a grocery store. No midriffs showing on job interviews.)  

                                   Sex is Not The Base of a Relationship
     When you have sex outside of a marriage that is what your relationship revolves around. You don’t want this because what if you decide one day that you don’t feel like having sex. Your partner can go behind your back and have sex with someone else. Now you’ve caught yourself in a situation where the relationship was always about sex and not having an unbreakable best friend bond. Marriage cannot fix this because people can cheat in a marriage. If the relationship starts on the basis of choosing a best friend from the very beginning that will be the theme until the very end.  You don’t want to have one of those relationships where the only thing that holds you two together is sex.  If he hits your direct messages like “Hey there sexy” he is not your true love. 

                                               Celebrate Being Single
Being single is not the end of your happiness. Find your happy place. It is a constant development. Feelings change up and down all the time. Have faith that someone will find you and make you feel mostly happy. Don’t be dependent on them for your happiness.  When people are in relationships they tend to only focus on that person and making them happy. It is a good thing, but you can lose sight of yourself. When you are single you have space to think about yourself and put yourself first more often.   People also think about their future in cookie cutter scenarios when they are in relationships, but when they are single they have more of a chance to dream bigger and want more. A reset might be just what you need so don’t be ashamed of not being in a relationship. Go out and have tea with the girls on Friday nights. Eat the biggest bowl of pasta and don’t worry about the calories until tomorrow. Don't shave your legs until next month if you want. Enjoy your freedom. Be who you want to be!  Remember that true love is putting the needs of others first before your own needs.     

     When you come to the realization that you want God to lead you and use you then your fear of not having sex and being alone becomes less of a fear.  You start to realize that this life is temporary, but real life starts in Heaven. Whatever God gives He can allow it to be taken so we can learn life lessons and help other people. Everyone seems to think that everyone is having sex but that is not true. It’s a lie based on earthy standards. It is a fear tactic. They say if you want to be single forever then stay celibate until marriage or choose wrong. I say to that God wants your heart.  True love waits. Sex doesn’t mean he won’t cheat. Put the true needs of others before your own needs and you will see the fruit of your faith. 


     Don’t take your cookies out of the oven and risk getting salmonella poisoning because the eggs in your batter were not cooked all the way!  God directs the time and the temperature. It’s not always 350 degrees and 20 minutes. 


Disclaimer: This post is based off of spirit-filled Christian views. I am not a pastor nor do I claim to be sinless or perfect. It is a general blog post meant to help women and girls of all ages be safe and feel secure in themselves.