 I am removing myself from any situation where I am tolerated and not celebrated. Remove yourself from any and every situation where you are tolerated and not celebrated. If you "can’t leave" right now, plan on it. People may just be tolerating you for what you can do for them. How do you know that you are tolerated? Simply…you don’t feel grace with them. You might work with them or go to school with them. There may be one specific person that you are constantly needing validation from. They stick around for what you can do for them. If there is something to benefit you then you might consider working something out so that feelings are more manageable for both parties. It is not healthy to go day in and day out constantly surrounded by people who don't like you. One person that does not like you can make you feel like the whole world does not like you. You deserve to be loved. Sometimes hatred or indifference is disguised as simply just not being celebratory. You should have people around you that are jumping around for joy at your arrival and in your presence. Those people are not always going to be there, but there is potential for them to be there. Do not lose hope in forming a network of people around you that love you. Jesus will always love you.
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 God accepts me as I am. In this world there is so much hatred towards women. Not only is there hatred towards women, but there is so much hatred towards women of color. There is indifference and a lack of concern for us in the atmosphere. It sucks and it's hard to cope sometimes. It is especially hard to cope when your own people who look like you are not concerned about you. There is a misconception that Black and Brown women "don't need no man." There is a misconception that Black and Brown women can handle the load. We are strong because we have had to be to survive. We've pushed through. We are still fragile and need love just as much as other races. When we are constantly abused and mistreated it takes a toll on our state of minds. It causes a chain reaction and it causes mistrust. We build our walls and close our doors. Although the perception of Black and Brown women may never be able to change in our lifetime we can still control how we view ourselves and the people who we let into our lives. We must remember that God accepts us as we are so we can heal. We must love ourselves and affirm ourselves a little more than the next woman who gets affirmed every time she walks outside. This may not be your reality but it's the reality of many. I ask that you are respectful to peoples perspectives. Protect the women around you of all races. Go the extra mile to protect the integrity of the Black and Brown women around you. We need kind and understanding people around us even when we are under the influence of our pain. Remember that God accepts you as you are...whoever you are.  Do you ever get people who point out something about your physical appearance and try to make a joke out of it? Well...it's not funny. Maybe people should think about what they say before they say it. If it does not have a real impactful meaning, then people should just keep their mouths shut. If somebody has a physical trait that they cannot change without getting surgery or if their hair is naturally a certain way, people should not point out those things. Let's say somebody has gray hair and they are really young...They can't change the way their hair grows out of their head. They should not be expected to dye their hair. It's not okay to make fun of them. Just because something is different does not mean it is bad. A lot of traits that are unique and rare make people really beautiful. It makes people stand out to be able to share their lifes story. It draws people near them. Don't hate. Appreciate people for who God made them to be. Uniquely Beautiful.
 No More Empty Promises. It is My Decision It is wrong to make empty promises. What brings promises to be so empty? Why are people not coming to a decision before they make a promise? A promise is a promise. People should not let their hurt make them treat people the same negative way that they were treated. “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”- Matthew 7:12 Make Words Mean Something Sometimes people don’t promise to be there for people, but they give them a verbal agreement. Make words wholesome to create an honest and true personality. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”-Ephesians 4:29 People shouldn’t give people their least. She gives her best. She does not let people feel disappointment when she is not there for them. She lets people feel blessed that she is around. “Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her..”-Proverbs 31:28 People will not feel blessed or miss a person if they keep canceling on them. If a person only shows up every now and then they won’t be able to sustain a relationship that way. We make decisions all day long like what latte we should order or what shoes we should wear, but when we include people in our decision making we should be careful to stay true. If people feel like they need more time to think about a decision they should take that time for themselves to pray about it and mediate on Gods word. A woman should not promise a man they will get married to them if they don’t have all the facts and they are still deciding. Girls should not promise a friend they will go shopping with them next week if they have not cleared out a time and a date. “Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.” Matthew 5:37 Overpromising, Decisiveness, and Lying If a person overpromises, that means they are saying verbally with their mouth that they are going to do something and then they do not take further action to make it happen. If a person feels the strong need to commit, a smaller expectation is more manageable than a larger one. Still it is best to not make promises a person can’t keep. When people find themselves in situations where someone makes a promise to them and they feel under pressure to make a promise back, they should stand firm. Use phrases like “Hey, I’ll get back to you on that when my schedule clears up.” “No, I really don’t think that’s a good idea at this time.” “I need some time to think about it.” “Right now it’s a lot for me to commit to.” Or “I’m not convinced at this time.” “I’m looking forward in hope.” “I’m praying about it.” Sometimes not making a decision can be a terrible option but it’s up to you to decide when is the right time to take a leap of faith. People should not expect people who have already made up their minds to wait around for them too long to make a strong choice. “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”-Matthew 18:20 God does not change His mind and neither should anyone. If a person changes their mind it is a human trait. Strive to be decisive before coming to a verbal agreement. “God is not a man, so He does not lie. He is not human, so He does not change His mind. Has He ever spoken and failed to act? Has He ever promised and not carried it through?"-Numbers 23:19 Disappointing People Disappointing people is embarrassing. It makes people look flakey and inconsistent. It makes people look forgetful. It also makes people look like they’re not appreciative of the time that other people took out of their day to be with them or work with them. When people are sick, they have an excuse to cancel on people. The person who you made arrangements with should understand suffering because of an illness or injury. Sometimes people disappoint people and it could be they have been struggling from a mental disposition or pain. A lot of people struggle mentally with different conditions that they cannot control. However, if they feel they have more control over it and they’re just not putting in the work, better late than never to change. No one has the right to say that a person does not have a mental illness or disposition if that person feels like they do. Sometimes the disposition is temporary, but only the person dealing with the pain can know what they are truly going through. Disappointing people can be necessary for better self help and mental help. Sometimes minds do change and that is perfectly okay. People should not make a habit out of changing their mind, but they are perfectly in the right to if they discover something that is a game changer. They are also in the right to change their mind if they need to take the time to work on themselves. Self love is important, but what is self love without loving a neighbor? No one can have one without the other. Love is prioritizing the needs and feelings of others. There are a lot of reasons why someone can feel disappointed by another person. In all of this it is important to stay truthful. If a person is unsure how to take the next step they should talk to God about their dilemma. They shouldn’t gossip to all their friends. Sometimes situations are allowed to happen because God wants to get people to rely on Him completely. God wants people to develop thier listening skills and being in tune to what the voice of His Spirit sounds like. “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger”-James 1:19 “My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.”-Proverbs 2:1-5 Healing From Being Stood Up Healing from being stood up is not an easy task. A lot of people hurt from this. The reason a person may hurt is because it diminishes the value of how people see each other. All of the sudden a person who once felt special and important in a persons eyes, feels unimportant. It does not necessarily hurt less if a lot of people come through for a person. A person could be valuable to another person and all of the sudden they don’t feel secure in that relationship anymore. To be on a high and low rollercoaster constantly, is very emotionally exhausting. A person begins to lose sense of who they are without people around them. Relationships can develop to be defining of individuals. Sometimes a lot of sacrifices are made, said and unspoken to keep the bond. Healing from it, people need to know themselves. People need to know their worth. A person needs more than just a couple people around them. A person needs to find many people that would be encouragements in their lives. Joining a connect group, volunteering, working, and learning an interesting hobby are just some ways that people can heal. Talking about their problems with friends and family who they can trust to keep their personal life private is another way that a person can heal. Sometimes people just need to vent or talk it out. Writing feelings down in a journal helps. A really helpful thing is talking to God and praying about problems. God wants to build a relationship with everyone. “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” Revelations 3:20 Unlike that boy that never called her back or stood her up for that date. Unlike her best friend that never seems to schedule the time to talk to her or see her. Unlike her family that never created a consistency of being there for her. Remember this verse to keep well dealing with emotions from being stood up or disappointed: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 Try this prayer exercise: “I thank You God for [insert boy or girls name here]. I forgive them for [insert dissapointment]. Now I release them to You Lord to find thier purpose through Christ Jesus. Amen.” No more empty promises. It is my decision.  Purpose Over Marriage If “The One” does not find you. So What? He cannot fulfill your lifes purpose for you. Marry when it’s right or remain in bondage. Society tells little girls that when they get out of college they will attract their true love and get married. This cookie cutter picture of happiness is not always the case for everyone. With the pressure of time and societal norms women and men feel pressured to find love within a certain time period. Then they choose people that are not truly right for them. They go against their gut feelings and end up in divorce because their “true love” was not loyal or they were not loyal to the vision God has placed within them. They take things too fast and would do anything to feel loved by another. They resort with trying to change their boyfriends and girlfriends. It is good to be a positive influence and better your spouse. It is not good to pressure them into doing tasks that they don’t want to do. If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like baking pies and maybe you love to bake pies, bake your own pies. If your loved one continuously complains about baking pies after trying it with you eventually it just won’t work out if baking pies is your passion. If you always try to force people to change for you, you both get exhausted. You need to have a lot in common with your spouse so that you will have maximum happiness in your relationship. You don’t want your spouse to associate you with that task they hate doing. It’s okay to like different stuff, but you need to meet in the middle and have common grounds. Loving someone is about compromising to make them happy, but don’t compromise your character and your own happiness. Don’t compromise the healthy things you love to do. Find a spouse who you can stay happy with. Often times what makes you happy is related to your lifes purpose. This scenario is not an all the time thing, but what people are good at they often end up doing repetitively and consistently their whole life. If your boyfriend or girlfriend cannot handle your passion and all that comes with it you may be in trouble. They need to adapt to your needs and you need to adapt to theirs. Relationships are about growing with that special person. If you are with someone who does not support your goals and ambitions you should ask yourself why? They should not get in the way of you using your talents and gifts for the good of the world. If you feel the need to step into your destiny your loved one needs to be down for you and down for the cause. God will remove that person from your life if you are not leading the life He has called you to live. God has put special gifts and talents within you that only you have access to claim. But does your spouse see the vision like you can? Maybe your spouse doesn’t see the vision as much as you do, but supports you in every way. That is the kind of character trait you need to look for in a future spouse. You don’t need to be in a relationship someone that you are afraid to communicate with. Ask for true love and have no problem showing it. Work out your trust issues before you get into a relationship and trust the person you are with. If either one of you are broken people your heart will have a crack in it. Ask God to lead your life. If women and men had looked to God first before choosing their mates, they would be better off. If they had asked God to show them both a true sign before getting together, their marriage would be the most blessed. If God is the leader of your life in everything else, why can’t He lead your life in what fiancé you are supposed to have? You should not fear the future in a way that makes you choose wrong. Why are you confused when the answer is as clear as day? Love is bigger than marriage. God is calling you to love every human you come in contact with and it’s not to have people all to yourself. Your soulmate is 1 in a billion and you keep stressing about one who is not right for you. You want to have children someday and you would make a great mother but you are 30 years old or whatever age that gives you stress about not having children by then. You know that marriage is the road to children. You are so stressed out about when God is going to send you “Mr. Right” that you start to see and convince yourself that “Mr. Wrong” is “Mr. Right”. You become desperate for a man. You think a marriage and a family will cure your anxiety and depression. You need to see children for what they are. They are underdeveloped people. They are precious, fragile people with purpose just as you. Yes, God gives you the ability to have children and children are a gift from God. They are souls just as you that come here by your womb, but they are not you. You don’t have Gods permission to have a child outside of a marriage. Have one outside the security of a marriage and delay your destiny. Having children the fast way and having sex without marriage is delaying your destiny. Men, women, and children lose their honor every day because sex is a sacred gift from God that should be used in a marriage. Having sex doesn’t make you a man and having children doesn’t make you a woman. God put our souls here for so many different reasons. You ought to enjoy life more as a single person and pray for your future spouse. Pray for blessings in your current family. Pray for the people around you. Be grateful for the gifts of life that God has given you whether that be your breath or your childs heartbeat. Break the cycle. Have you ever heard of breaking the cycle of poverty? Have you ever heard of breaking the cycle of children without fathers or mothers? Have you ever heard of breaking the cycle of abusive behaviors in relationships? Breaking the cycle of depression? Breaking that cycle starts with you and the behaviors you are going to have. It starts with asking the Holy Spirit to come into your life. It starts with listening to that inner voice that tells you what you need to do. It does not start with going against the Holy Spirit for your fleshly desires and carnal minds. Let the Holy Spirit speak to you to instill peace, security, and love in your mind so you can give it to others. You should not listen to fear when fear tells you that you will never be married. Fear tells you that you are never going to have children or a man who loves you for you. Every void and every sense of failure that you feel, you need to give it to God. Have faith in the Lord. Your needs will be met. Every sense of not being good enough and every sense of obsession over feeling in love should be broken. Focus on positivity and being around people who you can put before yourself through true love. Make your heart available to receive genuine love. Place yourself in settings that make you feel peaceful around humans. Be around like-minded individuals who are eager to grow. You may be surprised by how God blesses you. He works in mysterious ways.  Indulge on Sundaze
Why? Everyone needs a break during the week to unwind and to cheat on our diets because not every day is guaranteed. That is self love. If you like ice cream eat it. If you like vegan ice cream, then eat that. So creamy and so rich. Taste a rainbow of flavors. Don’t let anyone make you feel awful for what you are eating. No matter what size you are, you are entitled to ice cream or any food that you enjoy at least once in a while. If someone is telling you that you shouldn’t eat something and gives you good reasons, if you feel convicted then don’t eat it. Maybe it is a sign that you should try alternatives. Be at least open to hear new ideas. There are so many diets out there. You don’t need to go on diets. Diets are only for short term. Change your lifestyle for your own health. Thoroughly do your research as you start new lifestyle changes that your body is not used to. If you want to go vegan, it is not good for your body to suddenly not have protein and eat a lot of soy. Find healthy and organic alternatives to meat and transition slowly. If you feel it is best for your body to continue to eat meat, then do what makes your body feel energized. Vegans should not judge you for what you eat and you should not judge vegans for what they don’t eat. Don’t fat shame people. If you feel so concerned about someone else's body take more care of yours and set a good example. Befriend people of all sizes and looks. They have a soul just as you do. Advance your relationships. Sunday is a good day to get grounded in The Word and eat ice cream. Work out all week and Sunday should be your cheat day. Eat unhealthy all week and this Sunday should be your transition to a healthy and happy life full of flavor. Indulge on Sundaze.  He Cannot Lead You If He Does Not Love You: Change The Game
You are asking for the wrong man to lead you Sis. Does this resonate with you? Does he come to mind? If so keep reading. You choose to love him because he has everything in common with you. Everyone says you would be cute together with him or you are cute together. He shows you attention sometimes. He talks to you. He follows you. He seeks thrill, he wants your affection. He speaks harshly to you. He offers you conditional love. He alienates you. He moves your heart. He always wants an ego boost from you. You hold back affection. He keeps coming for you. He seeks out attention from other women that are nowhere near your level. Sis, Don’t give him the attention he doesn’t deserve. He does not earn your love. Act normal. Be calm and in control. You don’t need him being in control of your life. Don’t text him. Don’t try to be friends with him. Don’t let him into your heart. Your only exception should be when he begs for your affection under your terms and conditions. Otherwise, he’s just playing mind games with you and doesn’t want to give you any real love. Don’t you want to have a serious relationship and a real mature love exchange? If you keep letting him play games with you from the beginning of your relationships that is all it will ever be. A game. You think that other girls are making it harder to find good guys because they are lowering their standards and giving him the goods before he buys the cow. But now you are slowly becoming one of them, like a cow to the slaughterhouse. Soon you will be nothing but a hamburger crushed by your crush…And unable to escape the pains of excretion as he uses you for your nutrients and then releases you suddenly and quickly. Be the change that you want to see in the world and God will bless your future in relationships. If you want a real love exchange stay true to yourself and don’t give in to breaking your morals. The cards are in your hands. You have the power and you are stronger than you think. Don’t put yourself in situations that will tempt you. If women and girls all around the world were led by Gods will when they started a relationship with anyone, there would be less heartbreak. Men would step up to the plate of what they are supposed to be doing because now the game would be changed. They would respect and value us more if we set expectations and requirements. Communicate what you need from him. There would be more commitment, standards, and respect in relationships. It is hurt people that hurt people. When you are hurt by someone it is up to you to let it fester up inside you and take your revenge out on another innocent love, or to let it go. You need to let your hurt go Sis. You are only hurting yourself in the process if you keep dwelling on negative vibes. You think you’re his soulmate, but he does not feel the same. I know it is difficult, but if you pay attention to the obvious warning signs as soon as possible it will save you eons of heartache and course correction. A man who does not love you cannot lead you.  Fresh and Fast Fine Meats. Don't sell out. Textris  1-800-273-8255 <--Call this number for help. It's the prevention hotline. |
Author & IllustratorHi, I'm CurlyDollTati! Nice for you to join me. I am an illustrator from Southern California. My love for illustration was encouraged by many throughout my life. I was especially encouraged by my single mother who's nickname is Dolly. Growing up I had a love for fashion illustration. CurlyDollTati is a representation of me...Tatiana..and the vision that I have to create a world of diversity in art. Here all races of women can come together to celebrate what makes us unique. We can uplift each other. I can share my art, my experiences, and your story too. Email me at [email protected] Archives
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